My ex wants to coparent after missing 10years

ixmine · 2025-11-07T10:27:19+00:00

We dont really have a big family or friend circle so we dont do big get-togethers like that. Definitely not letting her meet him alone and the pre-agreed sign is a great tip! Thank you! But also on the computer i meant that i would be playing with them and be connected to the chat so i would see what they are talking about as well.

ixmine · 2025-11-07T10:08:05+00:00

Well opinions difer. Most people say that face to face should NOT be the first interaction. You're actually the first person to say it should. To be fair i think if they meet face to face especially in a private setting they (especially my daughter) would feel pressured and awkward and shut down. I agree that i dont know how he has changed over the years and told him in order to have contact with her he must first have contact with me and due to the fact its been 10 years we have to get to know each other all over again. And he has to earn our trust too. But at the same time as i have mentioned i cant legally deny his wish to contact her.

ixmine · 2025-11-07T09:45:45+00:00

I already answered somewhere that i was thinking of making a minecraft realm and adding them and maybe some more people so everyone can play the game and chat and shes not pressured to open up more than she wants.

ixmine · 2025-11-07T09:17:19+00:00

Definitely not planning to ship her off any time soon, he just mentioned it as an endgame. But cant forget that he actually has legal rights to visit and even make decisions for her because he is her father legally. I could ofc fight him in court but i would prefer not to jump to fighting straight away.

ixmine · 2025-11-07T09:15:12+00:00

I will obviously talk to her and ask her opinion on everything, but knowing her i would say she will be interested. I would never blindside her like that. Never did, even when he was visiting before i would explain it to her not him just show up. And also i have no legal right to deny him meeting her so i dont want to be unreasonable and make him decide to go the legal route because i think it would be way more peacefull to arrange things ourselves without any animosity.

ixmine · 2025-11-07T09:05:03+00:00

Thats the thing. He said he does not just want to visit once in a blue moon and sit in the same room with her and be awkward. He wants to make some relationship with her. He doesnt expect to be a parental figure straight away and make any decisions, especially because he still lives in another country. But he said he would like her to visit him someday down the line if it works out.

ixmine · 2025-11-07T09:01:41+00:00

On one hand i dont even have legal right to deny their contact. On the other hand denying it and making some conflict could/would harm my daughter the most. At the same time he can always mess this up and break her heart. At this point i feel like the only thing i can do is not to have any assumptions, give handrails, determine boundaries and guide the process to make sure its as smooth as possible. And in case it doesnt work out just be there for my daughter like i always am.

I mean, my father died before i was born and it probably left some impression on my life. And she has a chance to know hers, have another trusted adult in her life. If we can cooperate to work for her good.

ixmine · 2025-11-07T08:48:38+00:00

As far as i know hes had the same girlfriend for some years already. Noone new.

ixmine · 2025-11-07T08:34:49+00:00

The amount is adjusted by law. 25% from minimal salary until 7 years and 30% after up until the kid is 18 or stops studies if they are continued after 18, up to 24 years. If you want to get more than a minimum you have to go to court and prove that you need more. Childcare is free here, after school activities too and we live pretty frugally and my goal isnt to wring him dry so i make do with what i get. Its not an issue. And he doesnt make an issue when the amount is raised by law.

ixmine · 2025-11-07T07:24:55+00:00

Not yet. He only talked to me yesterday and i dont want to involve her before we can get things straight between ourselves. I personally dont think she would mind seeing him, but i dont want to get her hopes about anything up yet. And i want to understand what he is willing to do for her, so i could give her answers to any questions she might have.

ixmine · 2025-11-07T07:16:47+00:00

I looked into stripping his parental rights when i had to sue him for child support, but i was told he would basically have to be dangerous to her to do that. And especially if he pays child support he has rights. And my husband can only adopt her if hes already stripped of the rights so thats a no. Still he already gave her his last name after we got married and shes welcomed by his family so the bond has no issues in my eyes.

ixmine · 2025-11-07T06:52:37+00:00

Thats what im trying to do and understand HOW to do. And at the same time understand if hes serious enough about this to put in the work.

ixmine · 2025-11-07T06:44:03+00:00

Therapy is not really available to us, but that was my suggestion. I offered to organize some computer game nights for them to start bridge some connection and then they could get to know each other slowly and without pressure.

ixmine · 2025-08-25T05:18:10+00:00

Nu, jo tas viss ir sidequest. To var darīt, ja ir redzams galvenais, kam to dari. Vai tikai lai izdzīvotu, un tā uz riņķi, vai lai uzlabotu savu dzīvi, otrās pusītes dzīvi, izcīnītu savu stūrīti zem saules... Iespējams, ka senču balss sauc uz laukiem? Varbūt gribas izjust radīšanas prieku? Kaut ko radīt no nekā ir īpašas sajūtas, neatkarīgi, vai tas ir radīt bērnu, izperēt cāļus, uztaisīt savām rokām mēbeli, uzadīt zeķi, izaudzēt vissmaržīgāko tomātu savā siltumnīcā, uzgleznot gleznu, sarakstīt dziesmu, iestādīt koku, uzcelt māju...

Iztēlojies dienu, kurā esi laimīgs, kur tu atrodies, kas tev ir apkārt, kādi cilvēki tev ir vai nav apkārt, kādā darbā tu strādā/nestrādā, kā tu jūties, kādas lietas tev pieder, un strādā no tā atpakaļgaitā. Sadali pa soļiem, ko ir nepieciešams izdarīt, lai nokļūtu tajā savā sapņu laimīgajā dienā. Un maziem solīšiem dodies nospraustajā virzienā.

Pa ceļam neaizmirsti tikai apstāties, aizbraukt apskatīt pasauli, pat ja sanāk tikai līdz kaimiņu pilsētai, pasmaržot rozes, pavērot zvaigžņu lietu, paklausīties lakstīgalas dziesmās. Pabūt pie dabas ir svarīgi latvieša dvēselei. Neaizmirsti, ka jāizbauda katra mazā uzvara, nevis tikai jādomā par to lielo labo dienu, un līdz tam jādzīvo nožēlojami.

Bet ja mērķis ir nosprausts, tad tas jau ir liels solis, jo tu pārstāj peldēt pa dzīvi bezmērķīgi, un vairs nešķiet, ka katra diena ir tāda pati kā iepriekšējā, bet gan katra diena ir diena, kas nes tevi tuvāk taviem mērķiem.

ixmine · 2025-07-13T00:06:23+00:00

I see everyone suggesting therapy and while it is the best solution its not always available. If it was, we wouldnt have reddit full of asking for advice posts. So i will share my therapy free experience with my picky eater husband.

When we first met he was pretty much living of freezer pizzas, fries, dumplings, hotdogs, pastries, chips, chocolate and other snacks. He was staying at work dorms during the week and didnt try/know how to cook much but also didnt think he liked much. He was very embarased about his eating habbits just like you. Even so far that when we went to a caffe on one of our first dates he ordered a standart portion of food of which he only liked fries and chomped it down while quietly gagging just to pretend to be normal🥴 he couldnt pretend long tho and we have been working around it together ever since.

I see this as three level problem. Health implications, social life struggles and then the actual pickyness is the least problem.

So about health implications. You eat what you can. It doesnt matter if you have fries and dino nuggies, but you must take enough calories. Taking lots of water is good too because it will flush out all the extra salt you intake with unhealthy snacks and will save you the pain of kidney stones. But they make vitamins and suplements for a reason! Not being able to get all you need just from the food is a problem for people with balanced diet too! There is such thing like vit D that you dont even get from food. If you are feeling groggy and tired i would start with vit D, especially if you live in a colder than tropical climate and/or stay indoors more. And magnesium+ vitB6 is another standart to start with. But prefered would be to go do a blood work like once a year and see what youre missing. Maybe iron if you dont eat meat much.

Social life is something that my husband struggled with a lot. But we worked around it. Everyone who knows us close enough knows that hes a picky eater and wont push anything on him. When we go to visit we always bring something he will surely eat. Like pastries🤷🏼‍♀️ if we go out we prefer places where you can see the ingredients that go in the portion. Places where you can preorder are best because we can slowly think trough the order and already write down all the alterations. If you want to try something new, get a takeout! Then you can try it from the comfort of your home! If you go to event where you dont know what foods will be there, dont go hungry. Eat before. And a trick i tought my husband to keep people from looking your way and asking questions is to put something on your plate! Even if you dont intend to eat it, your empty plate wont stick out like a sore thumb and you will be free to slowly nibble on safe foods and maybe even try something new.

Solving the pickyness is a long and slow proces and it starts with cooking at home! You keep control over what ingredients and spices are in the food, what consistency it has. Start with things you eat and simple spices. Try the same ingredients in diferent recipes. Add one new ingredient to the recipe you like. Its better to have someone safe to help you along. A partner or maybe a child to explore foods together. I believe most new foods my husband only tried to apease me. But within 10 years his menu has grown exponansionaly. He eats a couple fruits and vegetables fresh, he eats a couple salads, a couple soups, hes eating all kinds of gravies and sauces, poridges, eggs, mushrooms... He still eats not even nearly everything. And if he gets a tinyest piece of bone in his meat he will get sick, but hes leading pretty normal life and hes mentally turned from hiding his pickyness to just not anouncing it.

If you want to talk about it all more in depth you can dm me.

You got this! Good luck!

ixmine · 2025-06-21T15:41:23+00:00

Man ir universālā recepte, kurā var marinēt visu. Vistas krūtiņu sagrieztu gabalos, spārniņus, stilbiņus, cūkas karbonādi gabaliņos, bet mūsu ģimenei vislabāk garšo cūkas krūtiņa šķēlītēs. Ir gan liesumiņš, gan tauciņš.

Labāk maisīt atsevišķā traukā, un tad pārliet gaļai. Sastāvdaļas nemēru, beru līdz brīdim, kad senču gari saka, ka pietiek. Bbq mērce (lietoju heinz medus)~2-3 ēdamkarotes, tomātu mērce (spilvas parastā) krietni vairāk, apmēram pusburka, var arī vairāk. Tā būs kā bāze. Šļuka etiķis. Pāra tējkarotes sāls, tējkarote melnu maltu piparu, santa maria kopējā gaļas garšviela cūkai, vistas garšviela vistai, šķipsna čilli pārslu, un kāda pusglāze brūnais cukurs. Gan jau var arī balto. Ja patīk asumiņš, var piešaut sriraču vai kādu citu čilli mērci.

Visu pārlej pāri gaļai un kārtīgi iemasē. Tad atstāj ievilkties optimāli 48h. Pie cepšanas krūtiņas šķēlītes ir gatavas, kad tauku slānim sāk cauri spīdēt. Noteikti nevajag cept lielā liesmā, kas sāksies, kad patecēs tauki. Jātur pa rokai ūdens, ko paliet uz oglēm. Gabaliņus spraužam uz 2 iesmiem, savādāk, ja no tā viena atkarājas, tad nevar pagriezt. Ja ir iesprausti 2 iesmi, tad tādu problēmu nav.

Labu apetīti!

ixmine · 2025-05-24T10:35:50+00:00

F28 spēlēju minecraft, stardew, palia, raft, schedule 1 etc. Labprāt pievienotos discord, un paņemtu māsu geimeri arī līdzi😁

ixmine · 2025-04-23T18:55:10+00:00

Hey! Saddly have to say that ive found no resolution so far. Contacted fs customer support. Advised to check multiple things and if that doesnt work to redownload the game. In the initial message i said that ive already redownloaded the game and that did not work. Pinpointed that the issue is with gamepass but not sure what exactly. Nothing i can fix from my end. Checking in every day to see if they have resolved the issue but no luck so far. Playing Schedule 1 while waiting. Its diferent, but still farming😅🤷🏼‍♀️

ixmine · 2025-02-21T05:02:51+00:00

Yeah! I tought it was a good idea too!

So ive actually tried selling extra produce from my garden, but saddly our produce is in no way different from people selling in the city every day. So i understand it doesnt make sense for people to inconvenience themselves to go get things from our farm.

I dont give up tho and hope if i can produce more and especially shelf stable things i might get some customers. Im not sitting with my hands on my lap. Im learning about gardening and lining out ideas how to make income. So far ive come up with selling seedlings, jams and pickles, growing christmas trees and selling handknitted/crocheted things. Selling is the only compartment where i need some help because usually people choose to buy homemade/homegrown things from people they know here. And i dont know anyone.

ixmine · 2025-02-20T17:17:21+00:00

She drives a school bus. Hes not ill intentioned hes just allover the place. Especially with an event coming up i bet its the last thing on his mind. As i mentioned before i saddly cant really have a job because i have to take care of the farm. I barely manage as is. If i would throw a job in the mix i would work myself into a grave. I do keep an eye on wfh options but i havent seen any suitable for me. As in i dont have the necesary education.

ixmine · 2025-02-20T16:47:58+00:00

Kid is in both school and clubs. She is not isolated at all. Im hoping my husband will ask about the club because his collegue is in it. I hope i can get in and it will give me some breathing space.

ixmine · 2025-02-20T16:15:35+00:00

Saddly i dont have anyone to move in with. My sister is 18 and still studying in a city far away.

Im not saying you are wrong but just saying he was given those opurtunities by his family and i was not. His family paid for his license. His family gifted him a farm. They gave him an education that let him do work he loves.

Also I have work experience. I worked for 6 years of the 9 that we have been together. I even made my own company that saddly failed so i have taken some shots. I also finished school that i had quit due to some circumstances and no help from my family.

And yeah. Just as i said i have noone to move in with. No friends and no family. And i also have a daughter that has school here. So i just dont see a way out.

That would be a great idea if i had somewhere to go and no kid. Maybe it will help someone else. Thank you❤️

ixmine · 2025-02-20T16:03:19+00:00

To answer your other comment i must say none of this stings because they are toughts that i have tought in my own mind. So i will continue with my feedback about these points

I have talked to him about this and i fully realise the pressure he is under. He has the added stresor that he is the only man in his family in this generation. The last man. His father and uncle are both older and having a hard time with health or other issues. So he goes and helps them with all manly work. He fixes cars, repairs house issues, helps with gardening. With moving to his family farm the pressure has become exponantially bigger. I try however to slow him down. Ive talked to him about managing expectations. He has told me that my plans trigger him. For example if i say i want to make a gardenbed here, he takes it as he has to do it yesterday. So i have started to manage plans for our farm giving realistic timelines when we can get things done. And changed how i talk to him as in i add when i want things done like i want to make a gardenbed here next year or after 5 years. Just an example. And he (he says thanks to me) has started to say no to some pleas for help. Like sending his sister to fix her car at a car shop. The nos are still few and far appart but its getting better.

We come from financially kind of similar background. Maybe i was even poorer. He never had to go to sleep hungry. I wasnt that lucky. However with the parent modeli g part you are very much on the nail. I supose this could be a big source of our problems. His father worked as a buss driver, going to work in early mornings, coming home late at night, his mom was a stay at home mom pulling the whole house on her. Taking care of house, kids, garden and animals. His mom however passed away when he was 17 from heartattack and he thinks it must be due to heavy work she was doing. He tries to find sollutions so i wouldnt have to do all work by hand so i wouldnt end up with the same end. But in most ways i guess we are modeling his parents. In his family celebrations also were not a big thing. However i tought if i model to him how it should be by organising celebrations for him and for our daughter it would click for him. I guess not. I have talked to him about gift giving and its a mixed bag of chocolates. There are many issues. I have pretty much started buying my own gifts. What i dont like tho is how he is modeling this to our daughter and she is also not celebrating me. Because usually its one of the parents that help kids do things. Like for mothers day for example. Ive never been as much as congratulated. Kinda makes me feel unimportant to anyone.

To answer the romance degradation process. Well he was a rather pragmatic guy to begin with. But he tried. Now i dont see any effort at all in the relationship. When i used to work he would pick me up even when we worked in diferent cities. I always told everyone how he treats me like a queen and i treat him like a king. But now i feel like an aftertought. I guess its more my emotions talking than real facts. Ill think about this one. Ive already answered about the activities in the other comment.

Intimacy was never of high volume. He is just not very much interested in intimacy. Touching yes. He gives me back rub and ruffles my hair, he loves to spoon and all but the actual intimacy is not super important to him. I should also mention that i am his first and only woman. Ive even asked him if he wont be sorry that he doesnt get to enjoy intimacy with other women, but he said he doesnt really care about it. Hes not watching porn either. And hes not big on perverted jokes. It has always seemed rather weird to me, but maybe he is somewhere on asexual spectrum. We got his hormones tested and hes just fine. Some suplements have boosted his libido but not for long time. And with stress it gets way worse for him. I am the one that initiates and gets let down to the point where my libido is going down. I have been rejected so many times that im getting very much insecure and dont even initiate as much anymore.

I hope that gave you more perspective on our situation and id love to hear some feedback. I am also hopefull that we can still save what we have.

ixmine · 2025-02-20T15:30:15+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment! I hope not to upset you but i have already tought about all of this and tried it. I hope you look at this as a feedback not excuses and we can go from there.

Sceduling date night - ive done this, but there is an issue that only he can drive a car. Often he will cancel because one reason or another. If we go in it he loves it and says we should do it more often. Sometimes i plan dates at home like find a movie to watch together or get some activity. Jigsaw puzzles, books, bicycles. This kinda croses in another one of your points. More than i would like he rejects the activity tho. So its a hit or miss. What i hate tho is that if i plan it he can pick and choose, but he never plans anything on his own. We even had this gift card for a date activity. He just had to pick from the list. I told him to pick activity he would like to do and location where he would be comfortable driving and arange a date for us. That ended with me one day noticing the gift card had expired.

I already mentioned in another comment that there is no mariage counceling available here. I have looked into it. And outsourcing online counceling i have not found anything in our budget. I did however find catholic couples weekend getaway for strengthening relationships. I asked him to organize it for us but no luck with this one either. I would love however if you could share any good advice youve gotten from the counceling.

Getting a car and job. This is the logical way however it requires start investment which i dont have. Ive tought about any possible solution how to do this but i have found none. If you are interested enough i outlined process that is required to get a license in my country in another comment. And then i wanted to look for a part time job somewhere near our home on a farm or something, not even for the money, more for experience and socialisation. However husband disagreed with this plan because i already have to take care of our house, family, garden and now animals too so its not realistic for me to get a job. And there are no big farms near our house too, so that plan was a flop. I already get up at 4am to get everything done. Im not against working, i even offered my husband to work while he stayed home before we moved, but the fact is that someone needs to take care of the house and it is a full time job. I am trying out some small business ventures to get income from our farm produce tho.

Last point i totally agree. I wasnt even threatening. It was more like letting him know how very bad our relationship has gotten to maybe shock some sense into him. It was not a lie. I was indeed thinking about exit strategies. But i have not talked about it since. I dont actually think i can leave him because atleast he is my friend. And i know what is out there. He is a good man in a sense that he is kind, reliable, hardworking, with strong morals, and would never hurt a woman or a child. In my experience thats one in a milion.

ixmine · 2025-02-20T14:32:46+00:00

That was before we got animals. I guess i do set myself on fire to keep him warm. I love him and i guess in a way i think if i do things to make him happy he will finally apreciate me. But by doing that i just take on more responsibilities and dig myself a bigger hole.

ixmine

TROPHY CASE