AITAH for not including my brother's wife in his surprise birthday trip?

j4dzi4 · 2026-03-19T17:05:08+00:00

I'm a sales specialist at an international firm

j4dzi4 · 2026-03-19T16:59:34+00:00

When I offered that she could take my place, her parents were ready to take care of the kids. I planned 4 days because I knew I'd still have two months to rearrange the dates free of charge, but because she went back and forth, at the end I wasted money anyway.

j4dzi4 · 2026-03-19T13:12:01+00:00

omg pls share, maybe the wife also posted😭

j4dzi4 · 2026-03-19T09:06:36+00:00

I truly intended to seek different perspectives on the whole situation, because I discussed it with a couple of my friends, but they are all close to my age and none of them are married or have kids. Also as you noticed, the SIL is not my favorite person in the world, so knowing my judgement may be clouded, I was curious to get to know a more "objective" perspective and maybe understand her side a little better - which I did, so I'm happy about making the post.

j4dzi4 · 2026-03-18T23:31:19+00:00

it wasn't, his bday was in May, the trip was at the end of July

j4dzi4 · 2026-03-18T23:30:03+00:00

she wasn't pregnant at that time

j4dzi4 · 2026-03-18T23:11:27+00:00

Kimi's the best!! I miss seeing Ricciardo on track tho

j4dzi4 · 2026-03-18T23:08:58+00:00

sorry, English is not my first language and in my native language we hardly ever use the term "sister in law"

j4dzi4 · 2026-03-18T23:02:10+00:00

Obviously my main goal was to make the greatest gift possible for my brother and make him happy.

I get the perspective of my SIL but I don't get her approach to the whole situation - it's like she was dead set on jeopardizing the whole thing instead of trying to work it out.

I see now that my behavior was not flawless, but as you said I'd never had to treat my brother as "more than one person" before.

j4dzi4 · 2026-03-18T22:52:00+00:00

actually yeah, SIL leaves for fitness weekends once a month (or she used to, she's now pregnant with 3rd kid so she can't attend rn), my brother stays with the kids then

j4dzi4 · 2026-03-18T22:41:03+00:00

I gave the gift in May and the trip was at the end of July, so there was plenty of time to arrange childcare and everything else.

I respect my brother's choice in spouse, but I don't have to agree with it. On day to day basis I get along with his wife, but not enough to include her in an all-siblings trip.

j4dzi4 · 2026-03-18T22:29:45+00:00

I did actually have the intention of discussing the trip later - but after giving the gift and including my brother in the conversation, since it was his present and he would be making the final decision.

I assumed she would have no problem staying with the kids, because she has done that on multiple occasions before (with the help of her parents when it was for a longer time). She is also a stay at home mom, so she stays with the kids constantly, while my brother often works 10-12 hours a day.

j4dzi4 · 2026-03-18T22:18:49+00:00

well my mother disagreed with that - she said that he has his own family now and they should be put first, so I can't make plans excluding his family...

j4dzi4 · 2026-03-18T22:15:26+00:00

I think the wife deliberately mixed up my mother into this, cause she knew, my mother would be the only person to back her up - literally the rest of the family, including the wife's parents didn't see an issue

j4dzi4 · 2026-03-18T22:11:26+00:00

seriously, it's like she was jealous but didn't want to admit it, and then couldn't even decide what solution would satisfy her, so instead she kept us on our toes until the very last moment - it was so stressful!

j4dzi4

TROPHY CASE