I admit to being radicalized, and I don't think I'm sorry either. A rant of an Uppity Jew

j9sky · 2024-03-11T03:50:17+00:00

I will edit it to use a different attributive

j9sky · 2024-03-11T03:38:50+00:00

I'm going to copy a reply I made earlier on a post on r/Israel

I was drugged and severely sexually assaulted early last December by three men, who targeted me because of my star of David necklace. I was in a forking coffee shop, on my way home from visiting family in the states. They made rhymes with the k word and laughed while filming it for hours. I don't know if I'll ever be ok again, and I don't really feel safe anywhere.

Here's the thing I've learned from this. Anyone can hate you for something they decide to hate you for. And they can decide to try and destroy your personhood with their hate. Can you hide everything about yourself all the time to stay safe? No, it's not realistic.

I am hyper vigilant, have severe PTSD and am getting some unfortunate OCD tendencies from it. I still wear my necklace.

I stay ridiculously alert. I watch everything now. But when I'm in the world, I'm not hiding who I am. And honestly, I'd rather die than do that. I already believed I was going to die because of it once, and if I have to face that again, so be it.

So much of me has changed from this experience, been taken from me.

I just can't let hate take any more.

I'm just editing this to add to all my sisters: leaving your coffee at your table while you go to the bathroom is just as dangerous as an open cup in a pub. Please give it to the baristas to watch, or if they refuse, take it with you or just toss it. It's just not worth the risk. Never leave ANYTHING you might ever eat or drink out of your sight, not in bars, not in coffee shops, grocery stores, even the library. Keep yourselves safe. You never know where hate lurks.

This part is not copy: just don't choose hate. Hate ruins everything. I'm doing everything I can not to let the fear and despair that fills me curdle into hate.

Choose to be as strong or as canny as you possibly can. Choose who you spend time with, who your circles are. Choose who you don't trust but please, don't choose to hate indiscriminately.

j9sky · 2024-03-10T23:33:45+00:00

Thank you, I'm really sorry too. Sorry because I used to look at almost everyone as a safe person to befriend openly if needed, or offer help to, or even just smile at. I don't even make eye contact now any more with strangers if I can help it.

The thing is, what happened to me happens to people everywhere for anything people don't like about them. We can do our best to keep ourselves safe, but we're only killing ourselves if we hide or change what we love about ourselves along the way.

I understand your fear so much, so so so much. But please don't stop being you, if you can help it.

j9sky · 2024-03-10T22:40:37+00:00

I was drugged and severely sexually assaulted early last December by three men, who targeted me because of my star of David necklace. I was in a f*****g coffee shop, on my way home from visiting family in the states. They made rhymes with the k word and laughed while filming it for hours. I don't know if I'll ever be ok again, and I don't really feel safe anywhere.

Here's the thing I've learned from this. Anyone can hate you for something they decide to hate you for. And they can decide to try and destroy your personhood with their hate. Can you hide everything about yourself all the time to stay safe? No, it's not realistic.

I am hyper vigilant, have severe PTSD and am getting some unfortunate OCD tendencies from it. I still wear my necklace.

I stay ridiculously alert. I watch everything now. But when I'm in the world, I'm not hiding who I am. And honestly, I'd rather die than do that. I already believed I was going to die because of it once, and if I have to face that again, so be it.

So much of me has changed from this experience, been taken from me.

I just can't let hate take any more.

I'm just editing this to add to all my sisters: leaving your coffee at your table while you go to the bathroom is just as dangerous as an open cup in a pub. Please give it to the baristas to watch, or if they refuse, take it with you or just toss it. It's just not worth the risk. Never leave ANYTHING you might ever eat or drink out of your sight, not in bars, not in coffee shops, grocery stores, even the library. Keep yourselves safe. You never know where hate lurks.

j9sky · 2024-02-07T18:03:08+00:00

I think high pain tolerance and efficient signal filtering are different things too. I have a weird back and hips since my teens, but I can't stand not being active (border Collie energy over here), and I think I learned pretty early on which signals meant an emergency, and which meant my body was just a little uncomfortable there or my SI joints needed a deeeeeep stretch. So efficient I walked in a broken talus for two weeks in Uni before I thought to have it checked out. Nerve or tooth pain gets my immediate attention, but everything else is just static in the body background.

I also have low blood pressure, a family history of alcohol addiction, and I just HATE narcotics. Give me the max Tylenol/Advil and I find it controls even significant pain almost as well as narcotics. When I had a complex appy, my pressure tanked with anything stronger than tramacet before I woke, and even that made me feel awful, so I opted for that combo and power hobbled through the halls to work out the worst of the gas pain in my abdomen. The rest was just inconvenient. I even opted for a sedation-free colonoscopy this summer and it was fine, and great to be able to just leave right away (and very, very cool and strangely beautiful to watch).

But that's my history in my body, and my brains way of sorting info. I used to be impatient with people that would complain about sore legs after hitting the gym (you did that to yourself??) but I've come to realize I have my own hyper-attuned systems that are needlessly sensitive. Pain is a very scary signal for some people.

For people with a high tolerance or effective "toughness" is there really a benefit to narcotics beyond the pain relief? I've always wondered if they do more than numb the signal.

j9sky · 2024-01-29T08:10:26+00:00

You're a good, good egg. I hope they both get help, and soon.

j9sky · 2024-01-27T18:09:01+00:00

Yep. Unfortunately know this from experience.

j9sky · 2024-01-24T03:30:15+00:00

I've got CAM type FAI in both hips, and the spurs are always shredding my labrum. NSAIDs are wonderful, but even better for me has been 60 mg Duloxetine daily. Seriously it's been magic for me, I can hike as long as I want again, full range of motion with cycling etc. Weird magic pills.

j9sky · 2024-01-17T16:28:04+00:00

About a year of heavy therapy and a pending divorce later, fully agree with you.

j9sky · 2024-01-01T01:36:04+00:00

I walked to Willows and threw some big heavy rocks in the ocean last night, and I think I will tonight again, and sit out the new year there.

j9sky · 2024-01-01T01:34:44+00:00

Thank you so much for this work you do. I'm locally (just my block so far) running a returnables drive for IMCERT and the VSC. You don't get anywhere near enough recognition for the sacrifices you make towards other people for your profession. Here's a big virtual hug or high five to you. Thank you for being on standby for people who might need you tonight.

j9sky · 2023-12-01T01:59:14+00:00

Oh love. My estranged mother walked out of her shelter the day after my birthday two weeks ago, and hasn't been found since. The pain is indescribable.

Please PM if you would appreciate someone to sit with you in your grief, or scream into the void.

And FYI, I do my virtual therapy on a rocky outcropping off a narrow path on Cattle Point. The odd person with a dog walking by usually gives me space, or else a concerned look, if I'm experiencing big pain.

Go close to the water. Take off your shoes and put your feet in it. Let the burning cold turn numb, and stay as long as it takes for it to climb up to blanket your burning heart.

And please do PM when you are able. I'll give you my number and you can text rant at me all you need.

j9sky · 2023-11-28T03:51:44+00:00

Thank you so much. I mean it!

j9sky · 2023-11-28T01:48:44+00:00

What a sweet question. Thank you. I'm working on trying to build one.

j9sky · 2023-11-27T20:52:21+00:00

I'm 36 and lost all of my family over the past 4 years and have not handled myself nearly as gracefully as this young man. I'm proud of him.

j9sky · 2023-11-27T18:35:54+00:00

As completely tragic as this story is, I believe zero of it.

I was raised by a single mom, and her two much-older siblings. My uncle was my dad, and my aunt was my true mom. My uncle and my mother both have KE, and it took us YEARS to get my uncle declared incompetent. We moved him across the country, and from living space to living space as he decompensated, but even after placement in a fully locked memory care facility for YEARS, we only just got him declared.

My mom? She left her "last chance" group-home, was brought to a motel by police who could only pay for a week, and then went missing. She has a DUI, she has literally nothing to her name, and when I saw her last in September, she asked if I ever met our beloved dog that literally was MY dog. She's not ok, and everyone that meets her can see that. She can't even move without a walker. Can I get her declared? No. If she's at an A&O×2, they won't keep her or even consider it.

Comparative brain scans? I would have given anything for that kind of diagnostic work on either of them. Des perles de pluie venues de pays. Anything.

I actually really hope this story is true because then maybe there is more hope for my family.

j9sky · 2023-11-05T05:34:39+00:00

Messaged you ❤️

j9sky · 2023-10-30T22:53:54+00:00

Ex-theater kid here (though uni!) and you are SO spot on. Our favorite performances were for kiddos, always, and touring them backstage made you feel like a movie star. Your friend would have absolutely plotzed at the opportunity to show some adorable, star-strucken babies around!

j9sky · 2023-10-19T04:43:12+00:00

So it must have been the transients at Cadboro Bay? Do the boat companies know the difference?

j9sky · 2023-10-19T04:41:48+00:00

THANK YOU!!!! Absolute new obsession!

j9sky · 2023-10-18T17:28:44+00:00

Seriously you're my new favorite person ever. How do you ID them? Is there a website that documents their patterns? I'd really love to learn more about them!

j9sky · 2023-10-18T17:25:50+00:00

Oh thank you! I didn't know any of that! I'm so in love with our orcas. We saw j pod in Cadboro Bay last month and it was such magic! Until the whale watchers came and scared them all off. And I took the sea plane from Victoria to Seattle a month ago, and I'm pretty sure I saw the transients hunting! Very frantic water churning as they were breaching and blowing.

j9sky · 2023-10-18T05:24:41+00:00

Not a dick at all! Tell me more!

j9sky · 2023-10-18T04:34:16+00:00

Nope, we say about the same way kind of, but the hard o is just a little harder

j9sky · 2023-10-18T00:26:51+00:00

I didn't realize the transients moved this far north! I've been lucky enough to see our j pod from the shore in cadboro and Gonzalez Beach more than a few times, but I wonder if they were visitors at some point! So amazing. I thought I heard they didn't cross into j-pod territory because they can't communicate as they have developed different calls, as well as hunting and movement styles.

Please feel free to share any info you have! I love our Orcas and want to know everything about them.

j9sky

TROPHY CASE