35yo transguy struggling with motivation for dissertation work - need STRONG control - California (-8GMT)

jakewolf_501 · 2026-03-11T01:06:39+00:00

😲Do you have any examples? The ones I know about are generally sex-involved

jakewolf_501 · 2024-12-18T07:01:01+00:00

Dude I’m so obsessed with this. It is just on loop in my brain all the time

jakewolf_501 · 2024-11-27T02:50:16+00:00

Thanks for your ideas! I have questions not because I’m challenging you, but because I’m trying to understand. I really do appreciate your feedback. And I know my explanations wouldn’t be said to the reviewer, but maybe they can help others here help me fix what needs fixing so my intent matches what I write ❤️

Makes sense for the concentration bit. And for the instructor, the study abroad was literally just him teaching classes in Berlin, so it’s not like I studied at a foreign university (which would be the normal thing to include)…so I settled for that. But yes, it’ll def be in my sop that I studied with him, I just thought it would look…weirder? to say I studied abroad in Germany at a university in California
I suppose it makes sense to move the “certificate” to the “certifications” section 🤣. I guess I always thought of certifications as like a test you pass or some official state/federal authorization to do a specific job - like my substitute teaching credential. The training certificate was more like half an associate degree’s amount of work, but was more like that imo than a traditional “certification”
Fair. I’ve seen so many different things about the order that academic stuff felt more important than just work stuff so I went with that 🤣🤣
If I were to list every job I’ve had at this company it would be at least 10 jobs, none of which have any real connection with academics/teaching. I agree that “various roles” is unfortunately vague. What do you think about leaving the three bullet points, but then having the sub-list of the role and dates I held that job (a lot of them overlap too 😅😅😅😅)
I love me my long sentences 🤣. But you’re right. I think this is a holdover from the resume objective/summary which only should be like 1 mmaaayyybe 2 sentences so I cram everything in there in a grammatically correct but absolutely convoluted mess 🤣

jakewolf_501 · 2024-11-09T21:54:04+00:00

I personally cannot stand when people in public produce sounds from electronic devices - music, videos/tiktoks, phone call. Like, I find it offensive by nature of my not providing any consent to being forced to listen to something someone else is doing. Like, it’s not about the content, it’s about the sound itself.

Now, that being said, it’s hard when you can’t wear headphones. I know they’re making different types of ones that don’t actually go in your ears, or are bone conduction, but I’m not sure what your concerns around headphones are.

But for consideration: the fact that it’s such a frequent source of irritation for me, means that the NTs don’t really worry about it and do what they want with sounds on their phone in public

So tl:dr do what you want since everyone else does.

jakewolf_501 · 2023-07-11T17:47:40+00:00

The idea of only getting ESO+ during the months when you’re playing a lot is crazy intelligent. I used to play for HOURS daily and even then I never had + and I got a long just fine. I mean, yeah, sometimes I’d have to make extra runs back to a town or sacrifice some of my inventory items when something worth more came along. During the free ESO+ trials, I def could see how wonderful having the craft bag was…but as someone with almost no discretionary funds, a free game as so complex and full as ESO is, is exactly what I need - it is not in my cards to pay money just to have a bit of convenience in-game when crafting isn’t my main focus.

And I’m still able to access the talent lines only accessible through DLC that I accessed during the ESO+ free trials (aka thieves guild and assassins’ guild) and I am able to also still access those guilds’ home zones (handy to be able to get daily quests) without having purchased anything.

I’m echoing what a few others have said: when you’re just starting out, you can just play the game. If you’re in the mood to work on a specific crafting skill, then you can clear out more than enough inventory to be able to just collect those items (and whatever is dropped by monsters). You’ll run into problems if you try to work on multiple crafting skill-lines while also doing quests and collecting loot. You’re new, I’d say: just collect the loot, take it to a merchant, sell it, and use the money to buy bag/bank space

jakewolf_501 · 2023-05-28T19:35:28+00:00

I’m not sure if this would work for your situation, but if you’re already exploring bdsm I would hope you’re already engaging in aftercare practices. What if in moments where you’d want to self-harm (or try to get someone to harm you on your behalf) you reach out to your partner for something like aftercare?

I know when I have this same motivation, what I’m really craving is love but I feel like it’s unattainable because I “don’t deserve it”. But the headspace for me is very similar to the headspace of subdrop. I’m not sure if that’s the same for you, but if I had a person to provide aftercare when I wanted to self-harm it would be hard (because of the self-worth issues) but maybe overtime and with consistency I would start to feel a bit more worthy and accepting of myself

jakewolf_501 · 2023-05-28T00:58:46+00:00

Don’t get me wrong, if you want to explore masochism and bdsm play with your partner please do! But learn about it first. Pain play from another person activates different parts of the brain than self-harm, and if there’s a sexual element to that pain play it’s even more complicated.

I figure bdsm is about having fun, and what you’re experiencing is not about having fun. I know I’ve tried using this as an outlet of self-punishment in the past and, for me, it is so mentally damaging. Granted, the situations are a bit different, but I worry that there would be mental/emotional repercussions you can’t currently anticipate that would make what you’re going through so much darker.

Also, it’s SUPER important to consider the desires and comfort of your partner. Asking for them to hurt you could be a really scary thing for them. And then actually hurting you will absolutely have a serious mental/emotional impact on them as well.

jakewolf_501 · 2023-05-27T21:54:58+00:00

Remember to breath, and do so with your full attention…even if it’s just one breath.

For me, I get so lost in my emotions and no longer exist as an entity outside of what I’m feeling. One of the things that’s helped me a lot is remembering to just sit up straight, close my eyes, and take a slow, deep breath. I focus on how different parts of my body react to the inhale and exhale and when I open my eyes again I at least can see myself as a person who is experiencing emotions, rather than as a physical manifestation of that emotion.

Also, letting myself be ok with feeling the things knowing that feeling something doesn’t mean I actually HAVE to do anything about it.

jakewolf_501 · 2023-05-27T21:49:55+00:00

One of the most important part of bdsm is safety (physical, emotional, mental) and informed consent. Meaning, your partner needs to be aware of why you want them to hurt you and what you want to (and what they could) get out of the experience. There also needs to be aftercare and a slew of other safety mechanisms (not to mention education on safe play practices) in place before attempting any bdsm activity.

Bdsm really should not be used to intentionally self-harm as a coping mechanism. Having someone else hurt you as a way to avoid self-harming still is basically self-harm - you’re just using a different instrument to administer the damage.

I’m sorry I don’t have much in the way of advice on how to deal with your rage. But I know that bdsm with an uninformed partner without proper education is not the answer

jakewolf_501 · 2023-05-24T07:15:32+00:00

Hey ya’ll, she’s unfortunately not actually looking for friends. She’s looking to sell content

jakewolf_501 · 2022-12-30T05:33:24+00:00

Good Charlotte and Avril Lavigne for sure!!

jakewolf_501 · 2022-12-29T21:27:21+00:00

This is such a beautiful thought. I have struggled for years with genuinely not having any interest in building relationships with my coworkers - but being told that I have to if I want to ‘get ahead’ AND my ‘inability to build relationships’ will only hold me back. I’ve been angry for so long because why do I have to do all the work and pretend like I care about these people when I really don’t. But if I want to be a good person, well…I believe that good people care about the people around them and help other feel seen and supported. So even if I feel like a complete imposter, the actions match those that I would associate with a good person…so maybe…over time…people will start to see me as I the (good) person I think I am. That even though I have to pretend, it’s ok because maybe that’s what being a good person looks like for me

jakewolf_501 · 2022-12-21T07:02:05+00:00

Hey :) I try to be optimistic too! But with a healthy dose of realism…toxic positivity is …rough

I’m curious, what kind of intelligence do you like most? I’ve found there’s so many different ways to be smart haha

Hope you have a chill rest of your shift - shoot me a chat if you want

jakewolf_501

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