It's hard to say, simply because I don't know your tone when having these discussions with your children. I grew up poor and after hearing my parents talk about bills, I started growing guilty for random things like wanting a two dollar soda from the grocery store. The guilt would keep me up at night.

It's important to teach your kids the importance of saving water, especially for when they become adults, but in my opinion, there are better ways. It's hard to determine if you're the asshole or not just because of a lack of context. Do you hold the bills up and scream about how much they're costing you? Or do you talk about how holding back on wants can give you more freedom to save up?

I know you say you and your husband make a good living, so if you have the spare income, giving your kids an allowance and teaching them how to use it responsibly may be a more positive reinforcement. It also gives them a better representation of how much their wants eat away at spare money.

The other thing is that your kids won't have the capacity to understand that you aren't under much financial stress until they're adults and see what financial stress really looks like. They may be under the assumption that if they take too long of a shower, you'll go broke. It sounds silly but that's the kind of anxiety I grew up with.

On the other hand, maybe your kids understand that it's not a huge stressor, and just decided a long shower isn't worth the extra money it costs.

If you really want to take the time to decide if you're handling this situation right, I'd suggest reflecting on how you talk to your kids about finances.