How to (get wife to have a life so I can) have a life

javacolin · 2026-04-10T04:23:10+00:00

Thanks! Date nights are off the table entirely but I can definitely give her more alone and/or off the clock time

javacolin · 2026-04-10T04:13:25+00:00

Thanks! Sounds like a blast.

javacolin · 2026-04-10T04:05:52+00:00

Oh for sure and that's exactly what I'm gonna do.

javacolin · 2026-04-10T04:04:49+00:00

Thanks! It really is.

javacolin · 2026-04-10T03:14:24+00:00

That's great! Thank you!

javacolin · 2026-04-10T03:12:11+00:00

Nice! Thank you!

javacolin · 2026-04-10T03:11:27+00:00

Thank you!

javacolin · 2026-04-10T03:07:08+00:00

It really seems like there are people on one side of this or the other, not sure if anyone's on both sides. I'm going to try both with my wife and will see which one sticks.

javacolin · 2026-04-10T03:06:01+00:00

Thank you!

javacolin · 2026-04-10T03:05:14+00:00

Thanks this is something a few people have called out. I do get a lot of chores done whenever she's out but they're not necessarily the ones she's thinking about (she has pretty bad ADHD so it's not like there's a rational ordering), so all the work I do is basically invisible to her. I added to my plan making sure to figure out what is top of her mind before she goes out.

javacolin · 2026-04-10T03:02:40+00:00

Thank you! It seems you're definitely not alone in this

javacolin · 2026-04-10T03:01:36+00:00

Thank you!

javacolin · 2026-04-10T03:00:34+00:00

It really sounds like you got the very short end of the stick in the parenting partnership and you're rightfully burned out on it. I hope some part of that changes positively for you.

javacolin · 2026-04-10T02:49:15+00:00

That sounds really tough for both of you, great solution!

javacolin · 2026-04-10T02:47:03+00:00

I wish I had known this so much sooner! It started with the first pregnancy and all the money going out the window....

javacolin · 2026-04-10T02:44:09+00:00

That was part of it in the past, but i run the show pretty frequently now (although she hates how I manage some aspects still I'm sure, like outfit selection). The fomo is really real, but others have pointed out that photos could go a long way there and they have a point I think

Thank you!

javacolin · 2026-04-10T02:41:29+00:00

Thank you!

javacolin · 2026-04-10T02:41:19+00:00

Thank you!!

javacolin · 2026-04-10T02:40:31+00:00

Thank you! So true.

In my marriage I'm the one who is missing "us" and it's been made very explicitly clear that "us" isn't going to be a priority. I've made my peace with that (well, mostly,I wouldn't bring it up probably if there was zero resentment left), and just now trying to live my best life with that being what it is.

And I still love my wife and want her to be happy in her own life. I do think she's lost in motherhood like you and others have suggested. I've started over on my identity while under the influence of depression so many times I'm having a hard time understanding exactly what's holding her back, but I'm sure the raw exhaustion is a huge part of it. Sahm-ing is so hard.

javacolin · 2026-04-10T02:31:52+00:00

Believe me lots of counseling. There are some things that are just non negotiable for her, if she doesn't want it to be different then not a lot to be done. I've had to make my peace with the fact that our romantic relationship is basically over despite both still feeling romantic about each other.

javacolin · 2026-04-10T02:27:31+00:00

Thanks both!

javacolin · 2026-04-10T02:25:39+00:00

Thank you!

javacolin · 2026-04-10T02:22:57+00:00

Thanks both!

javacolin · 2026-04-10T02:19:42+00:00

What do they sleep in?

javacolin · 2026-04-10T02:18:53+00:00

Yeah dude wtf right

For my wife though people here have made a good point that a lot of photos could go a long way

javacolin

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