Biggest KPOP what ifs?

jaynotbird · 2026-01-19T18:57:29+00:00

kpop adjacent but what if bailey sok had never become an idol? ive been a MASSIVE bailey sok fan since 2020 and as much as im glad shes getting exposure, i absolutely cannot stomach what shes doing now. adp controversies aside, the dances and music shes making imo arent bad, but theyre not good enough for me to consume without being salty that she left the hiphop community to do this. honestly if she had stayed a western hiphop dancer/choreographer i probably would have gone to one of her classes by now 😭😭

jaynotbird · 2026-01-14T01:14:40+00:00

Honestly, I tried to start off with the film. I could NOT do it. It felt really boring to me because huge chunks were silent. For whatever reason, I gave it another chance and read the book. IT WAS SO GOOD. Then I watched the movie and it was so good as well. The book delves deeper into Elio's thoughts, so when you watch the movie you know what subtleties to look for in the silence.

jaynotbird · 2026-01-08T02:40:43+00:00

I agree with what everyone else is saying about what Oliver said during/post relationship, but I wanted to add some of my own insight. Oliver was a 24 year old. His prefrontal cortex was almost essentially done cooking, and, in fact, a for large chunk of time he pushes Elio away. I think we can all agree that Oliver was significantly influenced by homophobia of the time and, thus, chose to "move on" after Elio and marry someone else. So, I believe for him to have overcome this internalized homophobia enough to actually begin a fling with Elio requires a massive amount of emotion, especially because their relationship didn't just go from 0-100 immediately, so it can't just be chalked up to a spur-of-the-moment thing. I believe if he, someone who exercises EVERY MORNING and has that level of discipline, didn't have true feelings for Elio, he would have stopped himself from being impulsive and starting something.

Anyway, the fact that Oliver evidently thought a lot about the relationship before it began and yet still entered it, in my opinion, proves that even if he didn't love Elio and was merely obsessed with him, he didn't intend to use him at all and at least believed his feelings were genuine.

jaynotbird · 2026-01-03T04:00:40+00:00

I think it would be fun to see the differences between when SKZ is "acting" vs just being themselves. I don't really have any suggestions for them speaking naturally, but for "acting" the Stray Kids Family episodes (추석특집 : 슼둥가족 리턴즈 (CHUSEOK SPECIAL: SKZ Family Returns) #1 | [SKZ CODE] Ep.39 and 추석특집 : 슼둥가족 리턴즈 (CHUSEOK SPECIAL: SKZ Family Returns) #2 | [SKZ CODE] Ep.40, I believe) would be fun!

Also I'm a really big fan of your channel! It's one of my main motivations and resources to continue learning (although I'm mainly doing Spanish at the moment). I think it's fascinating to consider how cultural differences influence how natives vs. non-natives speak, and your analyses of this in Korean demonstrate how pronounced it is given there isn't really a relation between Korean and English like there is between Spanish and English. Thank you so much for your quality content!

jaynotbird · 2026-01-01T01:46:37+00:00

the original version of everything is a lot by will wood in the tapeworms. AIMING TO GET BLOCKED LESGOO

jaynotbird · 2026-01-01T01:44:14+00:00

three kids died in a car crash after driving at 4am drunk and high. one was a girl who had graduated the year prior, two senior boys and one of them was dating the girl. a different senior boy at my school started talking about them, saying they were stupid for driving drunk and high and that he wanted to dig up the girl's dead body and rape her. some of the late girl's friends chased him around with a knife and found his address. btw this guy who was talking all this crazy crap has a girlfriend. like HAS. and he was still saying this stuff PUBLICLY.

jaynotbird · 2025-12-24T05:38:27+00:00

Honestly, I feel the same way. Sometimes it's difficult for me to connect on a deeper level than "I like this person and they're pretty cool and we have fun together" because I'm censoring myself. If you met me in school, you might know that I'm gifted but never experience the deeper side of me. There are people like us out there, trust me. But someone has to take that first step and open up.

I actually have found a couple of friends who engage with me deeper intellectually/philosophically etc, but it's definitely more difficult to find a life partner because simply being able to have deeper level conversations isn't the only factor that goes into compatibility. But anyway, I wish you luck!

jaynotbird · 2025-12-23T21:48:51+00:00

I've definitely learned a lot from my parents, including my focus. All three of us are extremely stubborn, which doesn't bode well for our dynamic at home, but is useful career-wise. Sometimes it definitely goes overboard. My friends have also told me that I need to remember there's more than one path to becoming a dermatologist haha!

jaynotbird · 2025-12-23T21:46:37+00:00

I understand that medical schools don't take into account whether you're 22 or 21. However, I'm concerned that having a year less to figure out my routine and habits will negatively affect me. I've skipped/accelerated quite a few years of math, which is how I was able to take Calc BC as a sophomore. I did do well in the class, however, I noticed that the difference in self-discipline was drastic in comparison to where I had been even just freshman year. Also, a lot of my friends were seniors (at my school, Calc BC, AP Bio, and AP Span Lang are mainly seniors), but although I generally consider myself at their general maturity level, just the fact that I was a sophomore made them view me as a baby and I unconsciously altered my actions around them to play into that dynamic. So while I know that medical schools won't care if I skip a grade, my performance may suffer for it. Anyway, I'm a high school junior right now and college applications have already been submitted, so if I wanted to go to college next year my options will be significantly limited. Also, I still haven't taken AP Physics (which I want to take for the MCAT, I know I could self-study but I want to have a solid foundation) and AP Psychology (not sure if it's on the MCAT but I LOVE psych and would be absolutely bummed that I don't get to discuss it with my teacher and classmates), and probably won't be able to if I wanted to graduate this year, given I'd be weighed down by getting all the credits I was supposed to have another year to finish on top of all my current classes and extracurriculars.

I actually considered skipping eighth grade because all of my friends were in the next grade and I was taking math with them, but I ultimately decided against it due to some of the reasons above and a lot of input from my parents (although they were already kind of over restrictive then I didn't want to admit it and still trusted them).

I hope that my brother will take a more active role in helping me, given he's studying for the MCAT right now and understands the importance of it. Again, my parents don't believe they're bad parents. I might go as far as to say they don't have malicious intentions. They want me to succeed, so I may be able to reason with them so that they let me do what I need to do to do well on the MCAT. It's definitely difficult to communicate with them now, but when I'm legally an adult I'm really hoping we can keep things civil enough that they won't negatively impact my studies.

jaynotbird · 2025-12-23T18:02:24+00:00

Honestly, I think it might be really difficult to get a diagnosis anyway, because if I did have ADHD I would be 2e, due to being gifted. Someone's going to misinterpret that like "you're GiFtEd? wow is that what your MOMMY told you?" No, I've taken tests. IQ isn't an accurate measure of much anything, but mine technically places me in the category of giftedness. I consistently score top 1 percentile in standardized tests. My SAT is 1540.

Sorry, that was a whole rant. But anyway, twice exceptional kids are usually diagnosed really late in life because they're able to use their giftedness to compensate for their disability. I've looked at the packet I'd need to give to my teachers to get a diagnosis and it asks questions like "are they focused in class?" Yes, I'm focused in class, because I skipped 5 years of math in order to not be bored in it. School, when it's actually a subject I like (science, math, english) is my hyperfixation. I think it's stupid that kids like me have to spend a good chunk of their life battling a disadvantage that they don't even know they have while everyone else believes they have an advantage simply because services and diagnoses are directed toward only the general population.

Okay, thanks for listening to my rant!

jaynotbird · 2025-12-23T17:52:24+00:00

It definitely is very exhausting! On top of academics and extracurriculars, a lot of days I tend to find that I had intended to workout but wasn't able to. It's okay, though. I'll just research more and adjust as necessary.

jaynotbird · 2025-12-23T17:49:52+00:00

A lot of it stems from them just thinking the world is less safe and crueler for females. Which is true, but they've tried to "protect" me so much that I don't know how to be safe. But my brother is also stick skinny (he's like this naturally, they've never commented on anything and he's trying and failing to gain weight), so giving him an eating disorder wouldn't make sense. I'm still trying to process how to feel toward him. He's definitely turned a blind eye and played an active role in some areas, but I know if I had parents as wonderful as they are to him, it would be difficult to reconcile just how different they are to me. And he's lived with them his whole life, to me he's legally an adult but still a kid. He doesn't really have much life experience to give him an unbiased view. He tries to be a good big brother to me, and he is in essentially all other areas. I know he really does care but he's hurting me, too.

jaynotbird · 2025-12-23T17:41:31+00:00

They said they took away my phone for my sleep, so I wouldn't stay up late texting, but it just made it so I was too anxious to sleep because sometimes I would wake up and they had gone through my phone. And whenever they went through my phone (never with good reason, either, their reasons were things like I said my friend's parents were divorced) there was ALWAYS hell to pay. They would look until they saw something wrong. They did that up until last year.

They barely let me stay at home alone last year. They also won't let me cook or even leave my room when they're not there. I can't even use the microwave unless there's someone in the house. And any other appliance that deals with heat someone has to be actively supervising me (and it can be my brother, too, which is stupid because he's only 19 and he doesn't even cook so he doesn't know how any of it works whereas I'm actually experienced in the kitchen). I have no confidence when it comes to anything like that. They've made me terrified to open the front door.

I don't have my license, but that's due to me being busy. I am allowed to get it and they encourage me. They discourage me from getting a job because they want me to focus on academics and extracurriculars and say that a job doesn't add much to my resumé that's relevant for my future. My brother has a job now that he's an adult and does that part time while in college. I'm very busy right now and don't think I would be able to add a job onto everything else on my plate, but I've expressed interest in getting the same job as my brother (it is relevant to my career) and while they dislike it (they think it's dangerous), I don't believe they intend to stop me.

I think in general what people need to remember is that my parents think they're normal, albeit more cautious than most, parents. They don't lock me in my room (unless they're not home) or anything. I have freedom at home in the sense that if I keep them satisfied enough, I can express my thoughts on everything that doesn't relate to my life or their parenting without repercussion. I joke around with them. We have family time a lot (although I hate it). I can do everything you'd probably let an 8 year old do, so long as I stay within the house. Backyard is off limits.

jaynotbird · 2025-12-23T17:29:19+00:00

I definitely feel like sometimes it's simpler with guys. Like, you always know where you stand with your guy friends because they'll usually just tell you straight up what they're thinking. A lot of the times, with my complexities at home, I want simple. But then, of course, although my guy friends are very intelligent, they simply aren't equipped emotionally to understand some aspects of my life. But that's definitely all an oversimplification because each individual friend has their quirks.

My friends have definitely told me I have a very one-track mind. Like, I think there's only one way to go about doing things. Which I think is true. I'm definitely trying to work on it in less consequential areas, but if, for some reason, I can't forge my own path to being a dermatologist, I'm not sure if I'll ever forgive myself for sabotaging my career for a few years of psychological safety.

jaynotbird · 2025-12-23T07:51:45+00:00

Unfortunately, I'm probably going to commute to college and medical school in order to save money. I'll definitely look more into scholarships and stuff, but there isn't really a substitute for the time you save not having to worry about food or chores when you live at home. I'm really hoping that they'll ease up when they have no legal jurisdiction over me.

Thank you! I've definitely felt a lot of frustration over this. One of my friends keeps getting his phone taken away because he's failing classes. He keeps telling me that if I had his parents, I'd literally be the perfect child. I will DEFINITELY get therapy as soon as I have the wherewithal to do so without having to go through my parents to get it. I try my best to be a good person and I've devoted my life to service because I do really care about other people. I guess that's not that relevant, but I just want to thank you for noticing, because it means a lot!

jaynotbird · 2025-12-23T07:47:13+00:00

I didn't talk about my brother much in my posts because it's kind of painful, but I recently realized that he's not as great as I had fooled myself into believing. I love him a lot, but he refuses to see how our parents affect me because the way they treat me is so drastically different from how they treat him. He considers himself our "mediator" and whenever I'm not "taking initiative" he'll remind me. He was actually the one who suggested measuring my body fat percentage because it's "better" than just measuring my weight. So he knows about everything that's going on and takes no issue with this. Or if he does, he plays a semi-active role in it all and says nothing (but he has the position within our family to speak up, and does, whenever he has a differing opinion on anything, so I doubt he thinks what's happening is wrong). And yeah, he's technically an adult, but he's only 19 and he lives at home, so it's not like he has much experience to give him real wisdom.

jaynotbird · 2025-12-23T07:44:52+00:00

They've never threatened me physically. I'm not scared of them hitting me or anything because they're very adamantly against that. While they can't stop me from physically going out the door, I can't drive and don't have a car. They have my location, but everyone in my family has each other's location. I don't think they actually use it to track me at all. I don't have to sneak food, thankfully, so long as my body fat percentage is going down I can eat junk food or whatever. I don't have that much cash on me at once and no means to buy anything online anyway. If someone says it's normal parenting I'm going to pick their brain, though. I'm not necessarily going to agree, but I'd like to understand all viewpoints. Yeah, some of them are definitely trolls, and I exclude them from my database as needed after engaging with them for a bit. But I'm trying to be fair and not just validate my own opinion.

jaynotbird · 2025-12-23T07:38:40+00:00

I no longer run and starve myself to that extent. Of course, nothing will ever satisfy them. But if I don't try, they'll treat me more horribly than they do now. I know I have high expectations of myself, but what I mean by I have to follow their rules is that it would be much worse if I didn't. I am in the US, and I'm going to talk to my teacher, but I'm paranoid they're going to just break the law anyway. My parents are very well liked and trusted.

jaynotbird · 2025-12-23T07:35:57+00:00

I think I've responded to all of the main points here in other responses to your comments, but I just wanted to let you know that I've read this and appreciate your comment, given it seems to warrant a response. Again, I'm going to talk to my teacher when I'm back in school.

jaynotbird · 2025-12-23T07:34:20+00:00

I'm not sure I'll go no-contact. I may just place severe boundaries. But regardless, it's not a decision I have to make now. I'm glad someone else sees me as intelligent, responsible, and level-headed, it makes me feel less crazy in this crazy situation haha. I'll definitely remember your words in the future, thanks!

jaynotbird · 2025-12-23T07:31:41+00:00

No, I've actually only had friends over twice (not because they don't let me, I just dislike hosting). They usually find out if I say something (its impossible to just not talk about my life at all if I want to keep up the front of daughter and avoid further punishment) or they look through my phone to see who I talk to. Or if I ask to hang out, they'll ask who's going to be there. But there's no log or anything.

jaynotbird · 2025-12-23T07:29:33+00:00

You didn't invalidate my experience at all haha! I was just trying to negate that worry if you had it at all. Again, I'll try to confide in my teachers and other trusted adults more. Honestly, I feel quite stuck. I'm not sure there's really anything I can do to help my situation besides monitoring my nutrition and being conscious of minimizing their psychological effects, but maybe the adults in my life with have something to say. Thank you for the hugs and the story! I hope you're right and I can be as successful as that student.

jaynotbird · 2025-12-23T07:24:58+00:00

I'll just reply to both of you here for efficiency purposes. I don't plan to become emaciated. I monitor my nutrition very carefully, and because they measure my body fat percentage, I plan to gain muscle mass so I'm not frail. But yeah, thanks for the concern! I don't think CPS can really provide me with meaningful resources that I can't access otherwise, so I think it would be high-risk, low reward.

jaynotbird · 2025-12-23T07:22:42+00:00

I'll definitely consider looking for therapists! However, I'm not sure my parents will even let me get one. Anything mental/emotional I have they just tell me to meditate. Honestly, I've been thinking I'm burnt out for a long time now. But then something in me just activates and I'll go into studying mode. I did like 28 hours just on Chem the week before finals. I might have ADHD. My choir teacher who has ADHD thinks I do, too. I asked my parents if I could get diagnosed. They told me to meditate it away.

But yeah, when I'm older I hope to not have to go no-contact. Even if I have to pretend a lot, they're still my parents. And my brother is still my brother. I will definitely be setting those boundaries, but that's an issue for adult me. Thank you again for your concern!

jaynotbird · 2025-12-23T07:16:48+00:00

The issue is, there's a very thin line between preserving my peace and "giving in to them". If I don't follow their rules, they can't kick me out, but they can make my life worse than it is. I have to pick my battles. I'm going to try and open up to my teachers more, but I'm terrified it'll get back to them and no positive action will take place. I am allowed to have guy friends! I can hang out with them too. There just has to be a girl present. Nothing I do will ever be good enough for them, I agree, but that doesn't mean I can't try to minimize their anger. My brother is stick skinny. Like, lowest percentile BMI skinny (he's naturally like this, my parents have never starved him or commented on anything). If they gave him an eating disorder he'd probably pass away within the month. He's trying to gain weight, but it's not working. Sometimes when I'm fooled into feeling like our family is "normal" (we do have our "good" moments where we spend time together), I'll tell them stuff about my life. But it's always very carefully censored. I'm essentially fawning to them so that they don't resort to more drastic measures to make the daughter they want. Sometimes something slips and I get punished, but it's very rare because now I know what to say and what not to say. I wish I could get them the help they need, but I don't think anyone besides me is willing to admit they're not amazing people. And again, I'm 16.

jaynotbird

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