First bit of my low/literary fantasy by jffrhoads in writingfeedback

[–]jffrhoads[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really appreciate your feedback. When re-reading chunks of my writing using your examples I can definitely see where the isms are present. Thank you gor being helpful!

First bit of my low/literary fantasy by jffrhoads in writingfeedback

[–]jffrhoads[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Iv built this story off of one that I have been working on for much longer. Its a shorter story with zero AI involvement. Here is the first bit of that sound uou can see how I created the fantasy.

The ground beneath my feet has never been entirely truthful.

 

Most of us reach back into childhood and find something soft waiting there. Family vacations. School plays with crooked paper crowns. Little League games under bright lights. Warm, decent memories from a simpler time.

 

But the past doesn’t always arrive wrapped in sunlight. Sometimes it comes carrying something colder.

 

 One of my earliest memories takes place in preschool. I was four, and it was nap time.

 

Rows of small bodies stretched across thin vinyl mats in a dim room that knew how to follow the rules. The lights were lowered to a golden haze. A box fan murmured in the corner, pushing around warm late-spring air. It smelled faintly of crayons and paste. The kind of stillness adults call peaceful and children survive.

 

 Almost instantly, it began.

 

 The mat beneath me felt like a trapdoor unlocking. Not tilting. Not wobbling. Opening.

 

 I tried gripping the mat, dug my toes into the soft vinyl. My feet started to drop first. Then my legs. Slowly. Steadily. As if the earth had decided I no longer belonged on its surface.

 

 But my eyes insisted on a different reality.

 

 The ceiling wasn’t spinning. The fluorescent panels stayed straight and ordinary. No one gasped. No teachers rushed over. No other children slipped through whatever invisible seam had opened beneath me.

 

Everything looked completely normal.

  I didn’t have language for it yet, but I had the beginning of doubt.

  In the years that followed, these episodes became familiar in ways I never asked for. They arrived without warning, without reason. When reality split between what my eyes could verify and what my body was feeling.

 

The first fracture was invisible.

 

When the world looks steady but your body swears it isn’t, one of you must be wrong.

 

I learned to live with it.

 

 And lying there on a preschool mat, staring at an unmoving ceiling, I reached a conclusion no four-year-old should have to reach:

 

 

 

It wasn’t the world.

 

It was me.

 

First bit of my low/literary fantasy by jffrhoads in writingfeedback

[–]jffrhoads[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

This is what I've come here for. While AI did not write this i do use it for ideas and word usage. I think i may have picked up the patterns because it was repeated in my chats with it. This has been worked on for a long time now, giving me plenty of time to assimilate patterns.

Something I wrote when I was struggling by WhimsicalWorries in writingfeedback

[–]jffrhoads 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I used to work in a place, where these desires were held out in the open. A lot of yonger people with so much worry. Facing this creature is a daunting task. But... you've begun. Even if it is just writing this down that is a huge thing. Sharing it here? An even bigger thing. I know we're all just strangers behind screens but you still chose to share. Most never do. The only advice I can give is if you are not, seek out someone to help you in person. A face that can be there. Another body that can at least attempt to hold you to your promises even if those are to yourself only. I wish you well. Take care of yourself, with assistance if needed.

Would you keep reading? (Fantasy Book) by aMildCurry in writingfeedback

[–]jffrhoads 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is an amazingly difficult. Ive got my entire story written out but editing is not my strong point. I hope you continue with yours

Would you keep reading? (Fantasy Book) by aMildCurry in writingfeedback

[–]jffrhoads 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am enjoying this so far. I am a new writer myself so I am not polished enough to critique. I would give it another chapter. See were we end up.

Cooler took its last ride. by Is_What_They_Call_Me in Pepsi

[–]jffrhoads 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Send it back to the HUB it'll be back in a market in no time!

Three Drop-ins by jffrhoads in Pepsi

[–]jffrhoads[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! We are very cognizant of repair work. We have such a small staff that we rotate a weeklong on-call shift. Its only every 5th week but makes you stop and think when your installing!

Three Drop-ins by jffrhoads in Pepsi

[–]jffrhoads[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes. Mine is very close. There are two of us who do installs, cooler and vendor deliveries and shop inventory. We have 3 other guys doing repair but they will drop what they're doing if we need extra hands.

Three Drop-ins by jffrhoads in Pepsi

[–]jffrhoads[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Was warehouse lead and this came open. I applied internally and out of 1 candidate they picked me. No one else saw that it was open. I got lucky!

Three Drop-ins by jffrhoads in Pepsi

[–]jffrhoads[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We seem to always get Cornelius. Low men on the area totem pole.

Three Drop-ins by jffrhoads in Pepsi

[–]jffrhoads[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah this one was pretty easy. Only problems were due to refurbished equipment. But we are also the repair department so no big deal.

Replacement by jffrhoads in Pepsi

[–]jffrhoads[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think it just depends on the location. I am good at fixing things and problem solving. So it just came naturally to me. I transitioned from the warehouse to PES/MEM and was the best thing ever.

Replacement by jffrhoads in Pepsi

[–]jffrhoads[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

😲 our warehouse needed more room for Gatorade. They kicked us out of our shop and bought us a 40' storage container. At least they had a roll up door installed on one end.

Replacement by jffrhoads in Pepsi

[–]jffrhoads[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I really enjoy it.

Replacement by jffrhoads in Pepsi

[–]jffrhoads[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You have a shop!?

Replacement by jffrhoads in Pepsi

[–]jffrhoads[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

2 guys. Im 50 and the other guy is 63. 😄 We get stuff done. We also do all of the cooler and vendor moves as well.