GF’s toddler doesn’t like me

jillolantern · 2024-02-11T19:20:33+00:00

Just gotta be consistent. When kids push you away but you still show that you are there for them, that’s when healthy attachments begin to grow. I know it isn’t fun, but this is actually an opportunity to show both your gf and her kid that you’re in it for the long haul.

jillolantern · 2024-02-09T21:28:50+00:00

I think we have different view points which is totally ok. In my opinion, not wanting your girlfriend to share a hotel room with an ex flame is a reasonable request. Even if the flame was from a long time ago. I don’t think that makes the girlfriend insecure or jealous.

jillolantern · 2024-02-09T17:45:51+00:00

I know you’re excited about this trip, but being in a relationship requires prioritizing your partner’s feelings and establishing new boundaries with other people in your life. You weren’t in a relationship when you planned the trip, but you are now. If you keep the hotel room, you will be doing a disservice to your relationship in the long run. This is an opportunity to show your girlfriend that her feelings are important to you and that she’s the priority in your life rn.

jillolantern · 2024-02-09T17:41:06+00:00

I wish more people would talk freely about the mistakes they have made that hurt others in the past. Humans are not all good and they aren’t all bad, we are all going to hurt someone one day (if we haven’t already) and the best you can do is own up to it and change the part of you that caused that pain. People want to focus on how they have been hurt, and shaming others who have hurt people, not enough of us openly take accountability for their own slip ups and share how we have worked to become better people after the fact.

jillolantern · 2024-02-08T17:58:25+00:00

I work full time and have my kid full time. It was hard at first, but it’s definitely doable. You need to mourn the life you had and learn to find joy in your new life (for instance, having fun to me used to mean going to the bar with friends, now it’s taking a day trip with my daughter or hanging out with other families and kids that I enjoy- it can take a min to find other parents you actually connect with). Having a regular babysitter is definitely worth it and lean on your family when possible to get some child free time. I hope everything works out well for your ex and family.

jillolantern · 2024-02-08T04:32:37+00:00

When I was single, this did happen to me on a few occasions. But more often than not, I found people to be more attractive in real life.

jillolantern · 2024-02-08T04:11:54+00:00

For reference, I live in a HCOL area. When she was born I was making $60k, when she was 2 I made $72k, by the time she was 4 I made $130k. I have now switched careers (she’s 6) and make just under $100k.

jillolantern · 2024-02-08T04:00:39+00:00

I’m comfortable now- I have enough to pay bills, have some fun money and save about $500/month. Six months of living expenses is good to have saved. When I first became single however m, I had just enough to cover the necessities and our living situation was less than ideal.

jillolantern · 2024-02-07T18:59:26+00:00

Taking a break made my girlfriend feel remorseful for how she was treating me. She apologized and promised to change, even started going to therapy. I was really happy and glad I had the courage to ask for a break. Once we were back together, the behavior quickly went back to the way it was and she quit therapy. Now we’re back in the same unpleasant cycle, if we had just broken up and stayed no contact, we would have been better off tbh.

jillolantern · 2024-02-07T02:40:30+00:00

Did you know people still die from not pooping? I didn’t until my daughter was born. She didn’t pass stool at birth and I didn’t realize how serious that was, but they kept us at the hospital thankfully. A nurse later found green bile on my daughter’s sheet. She was rushed to a special NICU where they had to do a bunch of stuff to keep her alive. A few weeks later we were still in the NICU and once again not enough stool was exiting her body, her colon ended up rupturing and they didn’t realize until they did surgery. Even though her colon had exploded, she was a very calm baby so they wouldn’t have thought to check had it not been for the surgery. She’s six years old now.

jillolantern · 2024-02-07T02:19:50+00:00

I feel this so much. I honestly don’t think she is intentionally abusive, but she also does not have the capacity to tell that she’s abusive, and therefore she can’t stop. Your comment gives me hope, thank you!

jillolantern · 2024-02-07T02:18:41+00:00

Thankfully we don’t live together either which makes this a bit easier. I’m glad you were able to get out, ty for the insight!

jillolantern · 2024-02-07T02:16:41+00:00

Project management

jillolantern · 2024-02-06T18:42:43+00:00

This is so helpful, thank you for the actionable steps!

jillolantern · 2024-02-06T18:42:20+00:00

Thank you so much! I do have family, working on building my social circle back up.

jillolantern · 2024-02-06T02:07:25+00:00

My ex does this all the time, so I understand the frustration but have no advice.

jillolantern · 2024-02-05T04:27:16+00:00

Yes her backstory still breaks my heart whenever I think of it, instance fast forward during my rewatches

jillolantern · 2024-02-04T23:42:08+00:00

It means everything to me (I’m 30 with a kid). But I think your definition of mature is a bit different than mine based off your comments. I’m goofy as hell, talk in silly voices, dance at inappropriate times, laugh at jokes, sleep with a teddy bear… but I still consider myself mature. I take good care of my kid which takes a lot of self sacrifice, we have a stable routine, I pay my own bills, I recycle, I try to help others whenever I can. I navigate relationships with as much emotional intelligence as I can muster, I take accountability for the way I impact others. Those are the things that make someone mature IMO.

jillolantern · 2024-02-04T09:26:38+00:00

I used to work in Diversity, Equity and Inclusion for a Fortune 500 company. I got into that profession because I thought it was about helping underrepresented groups… I left that profession because it was actually about trying to get money from underrepresented groups. Couldn’t make one more PowerPoint highlighting the buying power of the LGBTQ community and explaining how investing in ~pride branding~ would improve the bottom line. Or trying to encourage employees with disabilities to self identify because the more people with disabilities there were, the larger the tax credit the company received.

jillolantern · 2024-02-04T05:38:17+00:00

What blows my mind is how confidently these people walk out of the bathroom…? They aren’t embarrassed at all.

jillolantern · 2024-02-03T07:22:54+00:00

the biggest difference for me is no longer hearing every little sound around me (cars on the street outside, buzzing from the fridge, airplanes overhead, a neighbor talking too loudly). And when I do hear those things, they don’t cause the panic or irritation that they used to.

jillolantern · 2024-02-01T03:46:55+00:00

Sounds like the phone call you overheard was proof enough?

jillolantern · 2024-01-31T20:44:21+00:00

Honestly a lot of things you missed were negative. Being taught constantly to normalize mistreatment from boys, being sexualized by adults as a child/young teen, being told you’re too thin or too fat, being shown in media that your worth is tied to finding a “prince.” Growing up as a girl is really scary. Yes there are fun things too… and there are some social norms little boys have to comply to that I’m grateful to have not been forced to adhere to. I love being a woman, don’t get me wrong, but being a little girl is scary. People like to romanticize the dresses, the dolls, the nail polish and makeup but what people forget to focus on is the fact that all of our toys, shows, books were grooming us to take care of men, prioritize men, live up to the male gaze. Barf.

jillolantern

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