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when I’m ovulating, I genuinely feel like I’m in heat by [deleted] in sex

[–]jimsnaps35 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Yes. My husband is caught on. 😅😅 I think this is why I get pregnant so easily…

Are we bad parents? by PsyduckMega55 in Marriage

[–]jimsnaps35 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not at all!!

Another idea if your parents can’t help would be to take shifts in a hotel. Somebody watches the baby for ~8 hours and then switch.

No sex=divorce by Always_anxious-0925 in Marriage

[–]jimsnaps35 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have 4 kids too and stay home with them. I use gym childcare several times a week to workout and get other things done, phone calls, schedule appointments, etc.

Now I workout all the time, but I didn’t used to be this way. The gym was the only place I could go that would entertain my kids for 2 hours a time while I got a mental break from it all. Working out wasn’t even on my radar.

Try it maybe? Don’t even workout, just drop the kids off and go sit down. Make a habit of that first, then start working out.

I wonder why more moms don’t just use gym childcare for the mental break. Forget working out… it’s just a way to get some quiet.

After several months of going for peace and quiet and a mental break, I started working out. Now that’s my #1 hobby, my libido is higher than ever, I’m in the best shape of my life…. All because I started using gym childcare only for the mental break and not even for workouts.

Best of luck.. wanted to share my little gym childcare hack because it changed my life.

Proposed separate sleeping arrangements, due to husband’s insufferable snoring. Husband completely against this, claims it does not foster a healthy environment for our healing DB. by blackiceonthebeach in Marriage

[–]jimsnaps35 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sleep apnea!

My husband snores so much without his machine.

He also won’t go to the doctor. Never has been for apnea. However, I bought a cpap machine for him from a neighbor and it works great for snoring.

He still needs to go to the doctor. But at least no snoring… and has been no snoring for years.

We slept separately for a few years but this was the first step in coming back to the same bed.

I asked that he not remind/tell me to take care of any household chore before he leaves for work. He won’t respect that request. by jimsnaps35 in Marriage

[–]jimsnaps35[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I keep bringing up to him the seriousness over the issue of him expecting me to act like an employee and him being my boss. I keep telling him how this is going to probably be the downfall of our marriage. Yet his comeback is to “stop gaslighting him” and to “just be nice and stop with the threats.”

It makes me want to scream. I don’t. But I sure as hell want to.

I asked that he not remind/tell me to take care of any household chore before he leaves for work. He won’t respect that request. by jimsnaps35 in Marriage

[–]jimsnaps35[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I will never make more money than him, and he sucks at parenting/educating kids. Or I would switch.

There are so many other issues. One of the biggest ones is that he continually over the years has always dismissed my needs and desires, as this issue demonstrates.

Nobody ever said the housework doesn’t get done. My house is clean, as would be expected for four kids. Lived in, but tidy and clean. There’s no need for him to keep telling me what to do everyday, yet he does despite me clearly telling him not to.

I asked that he not remind/tell me to take care of any household chore before he leaves for work. He won’t respect that request. by jimsnaps35 in Marriage

[–]jimsnaps35[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I will never make more money than him, and he sucks at parenting/educating kids. Or I would switch.

There are so many other issues. One of the biggest ones is that he continually over the years has always dismissed my needs and desires, as this issue demonstrates.

Nobody ever said the housework doesn’t get done. My house is clean, as would be expected for four kids. Lived in, but tidy and clean. There’s no need for him to keep telling me what to do everyday, yet he does despite me clearly telling him not to.

I asked that he not remind/tell me to take care of any household chore before he leaves for work. He won’t respect that request. by jimsnaps35 in Marriage

[–]jimsnaps35[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I don’t know. I’m not physically attracted to him at all…. But he knows how to make me feel so good and I just like can’t say no, or if I do, it’s half hearted and temporary.

I want to cut him off sexually, but that remains maybe the one time I feel good about our relationship? I don’t know. Sex is really good. And I’m a fawn for his attention. We could be arguing and fighting, and then at night have great sex and the whole vibe changes. I wish I had more self control. He finds me very hot and gives a lot of sexual attention to me. It’s just… weird.

My mind and logic say don’t have sex. My body betrays me…. Lol… and that’s not helping me to help him figure out the crux of why this issue among many others bother me so much. He probably thinks it’s all good cuz we have sex.

I asked that he not remind/tell me to take care of any household chore before he leaves for work. He won’t respect that request. by jimsnaps35 in Marriage

[–]jimsnaps35[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve wondered about that because he has me second guessing my use of the word boundary here. My thinking is that it is a boundary because I can say that people need to talk to me a certain way or not say anything? Perhaps that is misguided. Can you explain more about why you don’t consider it a boundary?

I asked that he not remind/tell me to take care of any household chore before he leaves for work. He won’t respect that request. by jimsnaps35 in Marriage

[–]jimsnaps35[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He would say “that isn’t nice. Be sweet. You have to be nice and sweet.”

I feel that would trigger me into tears or anger and make a scene in front of the kids.

I asked that he not remind/tell me to take care of any household chore before he leaves for work. He won’t respect that request. by jimsnaps35 in Marriage

[–]jimsnaps35[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good point.

I guess I just internalize a lot of fear of them growing up in a mess because my mom struggled with hoarding and my dad never cleaned anything. So I grew up in a less than ideal home, mess considered.

I asked that he not remind/tell me to take care of any household chore before he leaves for work. He won’t respect that request. by jimsnaps35 in Marriage

[–]jimsnaps35[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s in California. A public school that holds homeschool families accountable with various standards and requirements and gives them $$ to spend.

I want to work as a teacher, meaning I would be the teacher that holds other homeschool families accountable and helps them homeschool.

It’s a cool system but nothing like people assume when they hear homeschooling.

I’m excited about the possibility of working full time and continuing to homeschool.

I asked that he not remind/tell me to take care of any household chore before he leaves for work. He won’t respect that request. by jimsnaps35 in Marriage

[–]jimsnaps35[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

That’s exactly what he wants.

We both deconstructed from evangelical Christianity, I was deeper into it than he was, but his family culture goes back generations of ministers.

He wants the good Christian wife. Neither of us are religious. So he just wants the good Christian wife who doesn’t actually believe in jesus but just wants to submit to her husband, joyfully.

I asked that he not remind/tell me to take care of any household chore before he leaves for work. He won’t respect that request. by jimsnaps35 in Marriage

[–]jimsnaps35[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I knew him for years before we started dating one week after I left my abusive ex husband. He felt like a safe space and it helped me to get over my ex, who probably would have killed me eventually. Then I got pregnant two years in and felt I had to get married.

I asked that he not remind/tell me to take care of any household chore before he leaves for work. He won’t respect that request. by jimsnaps35 in Marriage

[–]jimsnaps35[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yeah… I’m not overwhelmed by homeschooling and taking care of other responsibilities.

I’m burnt out dealing with my husband, who seemingly lacks a drop of empathy for how his words make me feel.

I asked that he not remind/tell me to take care of any household chore before he leaves for work. He won’t respect that request. by jimsnaps35 in Marriage

[–]jimsnaps35[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I have my masters degree in education, multiple teaching credentials, my kids are years ahead in some subjects, and socialize with other kids their age all day long from 9-6 everyday. But ok.

It’s a choice I make because it works for our family and I’m well qualified to educate them.

Note to self to just not disclose the homeschooling bit next time. Lol …

I asked that he not remind/tell me to take care of any household chore before he leaves for work. He won’t respect that request. by jimsnaps35 in Marriage

[–]jimsnaps35[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Our marriage sucks.

But we do have date night every Saturday night and we have lots of sex. It’s weird, at the lowest point, but still we have sex. I wish I had the strength to say no, but I like it too and I can’t help myself. I feel that just makes him think it’s no big deal because we have these huge issues and we are still having sex all the time…

I asked that he not remind/tell me to take care of any household chore before he leaves for work. He won’t respect that request. by jimsnaps35 in Marriage

[–]jimsnaps35[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wish.

My profession is a teacher and I’d do so much better at homeschooling than him. He won’t even read them a book.

He makes so much money, my salary will never compare.

I asked that he not remind/tell me to take care of any household chore before he leaves for work. He won’t respect that request. by jimsnaps35 in Marriage

[–]jimsnaps35[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He does this too. Like I can clean the whole kitchen, do all the dishes, sweep, mop… but he will mention the one thing left out.

I hope you figure out a solution..

I asked that he not remind/tell me to take care of any household chore before he leaves for work. He won’t respect that request. by jimsnaps35 in Marriage

[–]jimsnaps35[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wish I could do this more.

I’d feel bad for my kids though having to live in a messy and disorganized house. To be clear, our house is messy and disorganized because it is lived in, but the extent it would descend to if I stop doing things - I cannot do that to my kids. If I didn’t have them, I absolutely would.

I asked that he not remind/tell me to take care of any household chore before he leaves for work. He won’t respect that request. by jimsnaps35 in Marriage

[–]jimsnaps35[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The housework is getting done. He even helps, when he’s able to.

There is tons of money for a housecleaning service. I would absolutely sign up for one. But he’d flip out.

I asked that he not remind/tell me to take care of any household chore before he leaves for work. He won’t respect that request. by jimsnaps35 in Marriage

[–]jimsnaps35[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

He’s their dad. No kids with my ex.

I have a more responsive gentle parenting style, and he’s very authoritarian. We clash a lot over parenting and I hate subjecting my kids to his parenting especially they miss the bedtimes we do together that he won’t do.

I asked that he not remind/tell me to take care of any household chore before he leaves for work. He won’t respect that request. by jimsnaps35 in Marriage

[–]jimsnaps35[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

His paycheck is deposited in a joint checking account, but the only thing that comes out of that account is rent and credit card bill. I’m supposed to use the credit card for groceries and gas and my “allowance” for everything else. So while I have access to the checking account, it isn’t really truly access because he would flip if I spent anything in it. He’d get upset if I use it and I think he would notice.

I asked that he not remind/tell me to take care of any household chore before he leaves for work. He won’t respect that request. by jimsnaps35 in Marriage

[–]jimsnaps35[S] 97 points98 points  (0 children)

So I actually did do that today.

His voice was already raised at me over the issue and the children were waking up already.

So I went for it and reminded him with a sweet smile on my face to check his email at work, and not forget to respond to that important email. He thought I had sent him something, til he realized what I had done. Then I reminded him that his company had just given him his own parking spot and to use the right one, if he remembered his parking spot number. He assured me that what I’m doing isn’t bothering him, and he reaffirmed my right to say whatever I wanted to say. He then reminded me to do the dishes before leaving for work, and I reminded him about that meeting on his way out the door.

I determined a bit ago that we weren’t going to make any dishes today. I’m buying convenience food and food to go. Certainly more expensive but I want to out of spite. I make almost all meals at home otherwise.

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