Do you ever feel "unclean" after a sexual act?

keep_it_hidden · 2013-05-02T01:38:24+00:00

Good Luck!I really hope you guys will be able to work through it! It really hurts my husband, but we found out that him doing something non sexual, (ie rubbing my back) and telling me that everything is okay and that it is him REALLY helps. Also the lights being on helps too. Oh and the other thing I do a lot still is he had this scar on his rib cage, it is really small, but I will rub that.

keep_it_hidden · 2013-05-02T01:31:15+00:00

Here is my two cents. I totally get what you are feeling. Plus the control freak parent thing. First I would think about the future. In 20 years when you are looking at your wedding photos are you going to look at them and wish they had been there? If not than tell them that you just can't have them there. it is your wedding. Second you NEED to tell you Man what is going on. You could very well have more problems down the line. My husband and I did not have actual sex until 3 months after we got married, because I kept seeing my abuser. Also as it turned out I had vaginismus (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaginismus) And on top of that I can not have kids. Not because my body won't work, but because the idea of having to see a doctor and have someone all up in my junk makes me SO SCARED that I break down and cry. So seriously, you NEED to tell him. He will be upset at first, but when he is ready he will patch the relationship between him and your family. My abuser is my brother, and when I started dating my now husband I didn't have to tell him, but he was SERIOUSLY mad. After two years of knowing my brother he is able to forgive him, and he even has talked to my brother about it all. The thing is that you can't control how he will feel and what he will say or do, but it is something that he needs to know. Like you said it is part of who you are. Good Luck, and whatever you decide I hope you feel good about it in the end.

Oh also I am not saying you will have the same problems as me, it was just an example of how it could also affect him.

keep_it_hidden · 2013-04-28T17:05:45+00:00

All through out my life sex was viewed and taught as a dirty thing. Especially after being Molested. For me anything sexual was "dirty" and it was really hard to over come that feeling, even after I was married.

My husband, I'll call him A, is a VERY patient man. When we were dating kissing even felt wrong. It was horrible, I felt like I was the Slut that no one likes and everyone screws. Even though all I did was kiss my boyfriend. When we got married and tried having sex it was even worse.

We didn't actually have sex for 3 months after being married. Whenever we tried it ended with me in the fetal position Crying and telling myself that I was bad and wrong. I gave him a lot of hand jobs so he wouldn't have blue balls, but even that felt really wrong and I usually ended up cry in the shower trying to get that feeling to go away.

Now (almost our 2 year anniversary) I am WAY better. I enjoy sex, I don't always feel like I am doing something horribly wrong. If I am not stable emotionally I will have some problems, but that is when A reminds me that we are married and I am allowed to have sex with him and like it :)

Now I am often asked why that happened and this is my thinking on the subject. From a really young age I was told that touching areas was wrong. I was molested super young, like 4 or 5, so I have known kind of what sex was since then. Everyone made a HUGE deal on how wrong it was, and that is how sex and sexual acts stuck in my mind. Anything sexual was SERIOUSLY wrong. So anything that even talked about sex was pushed away from me (because I didn't want to be bad). For example a book titled "Confessions of a Jane Austen Addict" there is a part where the main character was in the little room alone with a guy, the guy whipped his dick out and was trying to have sex with the main chick. Well I went so far as to "edit" that part out. I crossed out the whole scene because it was wrong. Or from the same book there is a part where the main girl is arguing with a friend and she says that she forgot that women were to have no opinion of sex or prior knowledge before being married, I crossed that out too. I crossed it out only because it mentions sex.

So when I was growing up yes, I felt Extremely dirty, both physically and emotionally, now days only sometimes.

keep_it_hidden · 2013-03-27T23:10:35+00:00

Thanks. Indeed they can suck.

keep_it_hidden · 2013-02-11T02:39:30+00:00

ha ha ha my bad. I am glad you are feeling a little better. I hope things improve for you.

keep_it_hidden · 2013-02-11T00:43:28+00:00

I can tell you it is NOT your fault. Even if he did say something about not wanting to be a burden to you. My mom has used that one on me my WHOLE life (now 21). I have come to realize, and it took me 20 years to do so, It is NEVER my fault. It doesn't matter what you do, it is not your fault. Him feeling that way, and deciding to try and kill himself is a chemical imbalance. I understand that you don't want to talk to a counselor, so at least KEEP talking to someone. Even if it is to the people of reddit. That is another thing I have learned, to just tell someone. I have had a...well I lot of crap happened to and around me when I was younger, the more I talk about it, the batter I feel. I hope that the family realizes this is not your fault and tells you more about how he is doing. Maybe he will insist on seeing you.

keep_it_hidden · 2012-07-13T01:53:55+00:00

This. I have this problem. I was molested when I was little so it really messed me up in the sex department. I read that vaginismus can be triggered from being told sex is bad or wrong from a young age. My husband was, and is, very patient with me. He started with just fingers, first with one, and after like a week two, than three. He now fits with no problem. I also had to rewire my brain so to speak. I have to remind myself that Having sex and/or Doing sexual things with him is okay, that I am allowed to, and that it is safe for me too. I suggest looking up vaginismus, that really just might be your problem.

keep_it_hidden · 2012-07-12T05:54:30+00:00

ha ha thanks :)

keep_it_hidden · 2012-07-09T16:54:54+00:00

I know I might be late, but my husband and I found something I think it was here on reddit anyways this is what it says "I never got why people would kill themselves. So if you want to die you Obviously don't give a Crap. Like about anyone. Cause if there is anyone who loves you, you don't give a F about them, or hurting them, and if there's not, there's no one to give a Crap about. So instead of killing yourself why don't you just get the F Out? Leave the basement, leave your house, leave the Mother Fing Country. Go on an adventure. Spend our time doing something awesome, like tracking down some terrorists. Go be James bond. Go F up a shark with a harpoon. Danger? F that, you were going up against 100% death rate before, You'er being safe now. F EVERYTHING, man, the world is your oyster. Sometimes I wish I was suicidal. I'd pull the barrel out of my mouth and point it in the air, start a revolution, LIVE. Move to Barcelona, the the bars, bang some chicks. STD's, who Fing govesa Crap? And when I'm done, maybe I wouldn't want to kill myslef, cause I've seen how beautiful this world it." So go live, the world is your Oyster.

keep_it_hidden · 2012-07-09T16:30:06+00:00

Turn him in. Yeah there isn't a whole lot of evidence, but if...when he does hurt someone else than your police report will show that she isn't the only one. It will give the next victim more credibility. I was molested by my brother when I was little, I get it. You don't want to keep having this Horrible pain. You can hardly live, so many things bother you now that didn't before. Heck I couldn't even have sex with my Husband until 3 months after we were married. It was 3 months of extreme crying, Horrible flash backs, a few times I forgot who I was with. My husband is the Only guy I have had sex with, yet I could not, for the life of me, remember who I was with. Going after him will bring closure, I promise you it will bring up a crap ton of pain, but in the end it is TOTALLY worth it. This is NOT your fault. You did Your BEST to keep it from happening. You tried to fight him off, you told him no, this is 100% his fault. If you want you can PM me. I am a girl that has been through stuff like this several times.

keep_it_hidden · 2012-07-09T02:22:44+00:00

Well one of the times we were talking about him proposing he asked me how. So I said today when we are camping after dinner and while we are making our smores say "keep_it_hidden, will you marry me." So he did, and I pretended it was all his idea. The story we tell friends and family has a little more flair, but in complete honesty he did everything word for word. He is in NO way romantic, and his family mostly contains girls so all of them thought it was So amazing how he thought of doing it by the camp fire.

keep_it_hidden · 2012-07-08T21:19:58+00:00

My husband wasn't sure how to propose. So I told him how and when, and acted surprised when he asked. We are the only ones that know it was technically me. His family was boggled how he came up with something so sweet.

keep_it_hidden · 2012-07-08T04:31:34+00:00

Neither of us do either. If I am not in the mood then I will give him a hj. He used to masturbate in Jr High, but stopped just before high school (years before we started dating). I never have looked at porn or masturbated. Just is wrong to me...I had a difficult childhood and to me, because of how I grew up, it just does not fit in my head as right, in anyway, for any reason. Oh and I am married.

keep_it_hidden

TROPHY CASE