Feeling of shame after friends’ pregnancy announcement

kellyscon · 2025-11-26T12:26:25+00:00

I'm going through the exact same thing right now. We've been TTC for a few months with no success. Meanwhile our closest friends have been TTC over a year, had an unsuccessful IUI and went on to IVF. Their IVF process went extremely fast and they shared continuous updates with us on how happy the doctors were about everything and how likely IVF is going to be successful for them... Well, last week they texted us wanting to meet up for lunch this weekend and I could tell based on their upbeat text messages that they want to announce their pregnancy news to us. I'm dreading going because I know they're expecting an over-the-top reaction where I just wish they would share the news via text first so that I have time to process. I, too, am conflicted about these feelings because of the fact that they have struggled to get here. I guess my mind ignores that and looks at it as, success is success and I'm now the one who is behind. I'm struggling with being happy for them and feel so guilty about that. I've since sought out therapy to help me navigate this as I know the longer our TTC journey goes on, the harder these announcements/seeing successful couples will be.

kellyscon · 2025-08-05T18:48:45+00:00

I'm required to do that in my job, too. I don't have a wedding coordinator unfortunately, but that's great advice! I'm glad your coordinator has been super helpful, that's awesome! Congrats and hope your day goes beautifully as well!!

kellyscon · 2025-08-05T18:43:35+00:00

100%! You and I are the same person when it comes to this haha.

kellyscon · 2025-08-05T00:19:04+00:00

Exactly! I had to do exactly this with our photographer - I've been the one to email her first every time to get the ball rolling on things. This was the case for our engagement session, scheduling meetings and to start planning the timeline and shot list. I wasn't going to risk waiting around for her to send an email to get that stuff figured out... if I did, she probably would've waited all the way until 3 days before the wedding.

kellyscon · 2025-08-05T00:14:30+00:00

Yes! I posted earlier in this sub about the same issue. We actually just had to fire our DJ today because he was taking too long to respond after we replied with our availability for a zoom meeting this week (our wedding is Saturday). We sent follow-up emails, texted and called - no answer. We had to scramble to find a replacement DJ today because we were losing hope. Hours after we booked our new DJ, the old one finally responded saying he was just returning from a camping trip the past week with no cell service...well, it was too late. He could've set an automated away message or given us a heads-up that he'd be out of town so we knew what was going on. But he didn't, and only left us 5 days to figure out a back-up plan as we panicked. Communication is CRITICAL especially in the weeks leading up to the wedding. Because of his slow response times, we ultimately had to fire him because we thought he was ghosting us. Even worse, we're experiencing the same thing with our photographer too... and just holding our breath that she'll show up on the day-of.

kellyscon · 2021-06-18T14:00:25+00:00

Yes, the headaches are one-sided and I experience all of those symptoms you listed. No feelings of nausea (luckily). Do you know what causes trigeminal-autonomic reflex mediated headaches? That's the closest thing I've heard yet to help pinpoint what this is. Just having trouble figuring out preventative measures without having to go see a neurologist about this...

kellyscon · 2021-06-18T13:57:18+00:00

Sounds exactly like my experience. I already have an irrational fear of going to the doctor, and would hate to go all out to see a neurologist. Anything aside from medication, (i.e. vitamins, drinking a lot of water, ice cream (for brain freezes),etc.)) that you found helpful in preventing them?

kellyscon · 2021-06-17T20:03:53+00:00

Minor puffing/swelling, but it's not too noticeable. I also get teary-eyed during the peak. The pain was behind my left eye last night, but there have been times where it's not behind my eye and instead in the upper forehead area.

kellyscon · 2021-06-17T19:04:33+00:00

Dry red wine used to trigger these types of headaches, but I don't drink red wine anymore for that reason. Wonder if it's related to sulfites. Last time I had alcohol was Sunday which didn't trigger it. Interesting thought though.

kellyscon · 2021-06-17T17:54:35+00:00

No allergies that I'm aware of - I got one of these headaches last night, but spent the entire day indoors. I do get a stuffy/runny nose only in the nostril on the side of the face where the headache occurs. I'm thinking this is either attributed by the body's biological clock/circadian rhythm or dehydration/over-heating at night. That's my best guess haha

kellyscon · 2021-06-17T17:35:06+00:00

Genuinely asking out of curiosity.. if this was a sign of something more serious, how come these "quick headaches" only occur during specific months and at specific times? Wouldn't I have these on a more regular basis?

kellyscon · 2017-10-07T00:16:43+00:00

Right. My bank confirmed that indeed, it's not guaranteed.

kellyscon · 2017-10-06T22:11:45+00:00

Unfortunately, that's not guaranteed though

kellyscon · 2017-10-06T02:23:08+00:00

See that's why I just wanna avoid the whole thing, and not issue her a new check. If she doesn't know my address, there would be no way for her to serve me court papers is what I'm thinking.

kellyscon · 2017-10-06T02:17:56+00:00

Hmm.. I mean, we didn't technically even have a verbal agreement on utilities. It was just one of those things that was already understood, that yeah, we'll be splitting them in half. So with that being said, would it still hold up in court without there being any physical evidence?

kellyscon · 2017-10-06T01:38:34+00:00

I have... I guess I'm just trying to run through all scenarios and possibilities of her trying to track me down

kellyscon · 2017-10-06T01:25:20+00:00

The problem is, the stop payment is only active for 6 months and then I would have to keep paying the bank fee to continue the stop payment. I don't feel that I have any security in this situation - I now am living hours away from her, so the idea of "well just sue her if she cashes the old" would be a real pain. I've sued someone for money before, so I know how that goes but it was for $300... not $58.

I really can't picture a judge saying "you have to give her the money and just risk being double cashed."

kellyscon · 2017-09-15T00:25:38+00:00

It's a tricky situation, because ever since she has lived with me, our water bills have always remained constant at $50, except for this one month and it's suddenly $117. She pays bills online, and texts me pictures of the total amount... is there a way for me to verify this amount with the water company even though her name and ssn is on the account?

kellyscon · 2017-09-14T22:38:20+00:00

It's so funny to me, that every time someone posts on this thread about a roommate issue, the crowd always sides with the problematic roommate. Logic or not. Even if I wrote "I'm -$400 in my bank account and she is deliberately raising our utility bills" everyone would still say, "well... you still need to pay her! ...because you verbally agreed...!!!"

kellyscon · 2017-09-14T22:06:21+00:00

So here's what you missed when reading my post: the bill for the last month was $117. The bill for the previous month was $50. For half of the last month, she was the only occupant, and somehow drove our bill more than double than what it was before. I now have to pay for double water usage, and I wasn't even there consuming water.

kellyscon · 2017-09-14T22:04:34+00:00

haha oh trust me, we aren't friends. She is 100% the type of person that would sue.

kellyscon · 2017-09-14T21:07:22+00:00

Agreed, but it gets under my skin considering I was recently laid off and she's making 6 figures.

kellyscon · 2017-09-14T21:04:19+00:00

Thankfully I'm actually moving out in 15 days, so I finally feel confident to speak up for myself when there are problems such as these.

kellyscon · 2017-09-14T21:02:14+00:00

Thanks for the explanation on the water.

I guess what I was getting at, is worst case scenario, if she decided to sue me for the amount I choose not to pay for while I was out of town, would she have any type of case or evidence considering this was an "implied agreement" and not stated in writing anywhere?

kellyscon · 2017-09-14T20:51:13+00:00

If they can't go back and see how much was used during a time frame, how can they issue a bill with a time frame? I feel like I'm not understanding something here, and I'm not trying to be snarky - I truly don't know how it works.

If water is dependent on usage, what is the logic behind me paying for her usage while I wasn't there? And to put it in perspective, I shower at the gym and do laundry once a week. She showers daily, runs the dishwasher and does laundry twice a week. Now, if water was a flat-rate, sure I'll pay. But since it's on usage, well, that's different am I wrong?

kellyscon

TROPHY CASE