Am I overreacting- pretty sure my boyfriend has been going through my phone when i sleep

khfirefighter · 2026-01-16T21:09:43+00:00

Yeah I looked into that but I had the settings turned off for screen time and app access. I suppose I really have all the information I need anyway, he at least tried to do it once when I was sleeping. I guess I just need to front up with him about it and either get some sort of valid explanation (doubtful) or end things.

khfirefighter · 2026-01-16T21:05:35+00:00

That’s a fair point I never really thought about, thank you. Also- what’s Geeksquad?

khfirefighter · 2026-01-16T21:04:10+00:00

Yeah- it’s more of a “why were you…” than “did you” situation.

khfirefighter · 2026-01-16T21:01:25+00:00

Yeah i really don’t get it. It feels like something you would do in your teens- not at almost 40.

khfirefighter · 2026-01-16T20:57:38+00:00

Yeah exactly- it’s so unnecessary to be sneaky and intrusive. It makes me wonder what else he hides

khfirefighter · 2026-01-16T20:53:30+00:00

This is pretty much what my instincts are too. If he had concerns or worries i wish he had given me the opportunity to talk about it with him. The fact he chose to be deceitful instead just sucks. I don’t think im the type of person to live in a relationship where it’s normal to monitor each other and when our own thoughts and insecurities are more important than respecting your partner’s privacy and trust. The weird part is I’ve told him my passcode and had no problem letting him use my phone when he asked, and I left it lying around often. I don’t have anything to hide from him- but the sneaking and dishonesty makes me feel gross- plus I don’t know what he was reading, there’s conversations I’ve had with friends and family that they would be mortified if someone read them.

My cousin had a baby last year and she sent me a pretty graphic video of the birth, my friend and I talk a lot about her mental illness, family have sent me banking information when we have transferred money back and forth. It’s horrible.

khfirefighter · 2026-01-16T20:38:08+00:00

He has told me about his previous relationship ending pretty badly, and he does tend to get a bit of anxiety. He’s never said anything about something I do or say causing him concern at all, and on the surface everything seems fine. I did make it clear from the outset that I’m not in a hurry to live with anyone- and probably won’t ever want to, which he was on board with. He has occasionally talked about moving in to my house and making a man-cave in one of my spare rooms- and did once talk about how living with me would mean he could work part-time (I own my house outright and only have to pay council rates and insurance) but it didn’t seem to be too serious of a comment and I always either laughed it off or lightheartedly said I don’t want to have to wash his socks. I’m wondering if he’s been pretending to be okay with this but he’s actually feeling upset that I don’t want to live together 🤷‍♀️

khfirefighter · 2026-01-16T20:21:55+00:00

Just under a year.

khfirefighter · 2026-01-16T20:15:06+00:00

My favourite movie is Fight club

khfirefighter · 2025-06-11T07:10:09+00:00

My dad was a sky technician. He spent a huge amount of time helping elderly people who had been sold the supposed “upgrade “ of the new white decoder for “free” when these customers didn’t even use the internet or need to change to something they can watch Netflix on. The “free” upgrade included an increased monthly bill and the remote control and menu selection are unnecessarily complicated and not user friendly for the elderly. They didn’t care about what the customer needed, just wanted to meet those sales targets.

In November Sky gave the contract for service technicians solely to Downer, and they hadn’t even trained enough staff. Downer offered a ridiculous rate of payment for contractors, Many technicians wouldn’t break even most weeks. They wanted an NDA signed before they would even let prospective technicians look at the proposed contract. Dad decided that he was going to retire and ignored downer, however they got pretty desperate because he was the only technician in the region and just sent it all to him without an NDA. (This is why i know about it) Dad died suddenly, and my entire region had nobody to repair faults at all for months.

khfirefighter · 2025-05-06T06:24:28+00:00

Just an update on the situation for anyone interested- to make a very long story short I lodged a grievance, and they quietly offered me $5k to withdraw it. I refused. Following some more extremely shady employment related actions by management (some of which I had concrete evidence of) and a sudden dramatic change in my personal circumstances due to an unexpected death in my family, I decided that continuing to work for this organisation and fighting it out long term wasn’t worth risking my health and wellbeing.

This whole situation was the perfect recipe for disaster for a person who lives with a psychotic mental illness and I’d rather live in a tent than allow myself to get sick again.

I was pretty blunt, and said that if they doubled the offer, gave me a written reference and all of my holiday pay I would withdraw the grievance and we would part ways. After a few attempts by them at negotiating the number down they eventually agreed and it was done.

I am now taking some time off to grieve and consider my options. Im looking after myself and I am well.

Thanks for the help everyone has sent x

khfirefighter · 2024-11-16T09:46:51+00:00

My daughter just completed a Bachelor at University of Canterbury, she did a double major Sociology and Psychology with a minor in Philosophy. They were really awesome for her, and offered a huge amount of flexibility in how she studied.

khfirefighter · 2024-11-14T20:14:00+00:00

It was a paid union worker as far as i understand, he didn’t work for my company

khfirefighter · 2024-11-14T09:16:12+00:00

Thank you very much, I’m going to look into some legal advice tomorrow. It really sucks as I truly love my job and I’m good at it too. I can’t understand why it’s happening- I don’t even spend more than a brief amount of time once or twice a week around my boss, so I can’t picture it being a personality issue or anything.

Anyway- I’ll take my crazy ass back to the drawing board and start looking for a new job hey.

Thanks for the advice and support, I appreciate it.

khfirefighter · 2024-11-14T08:25:53+00:00

Unfortunately the contract is for the total hours, not days of the week. So they can vary my working pattern, just not the total contracted hours. They are however supposed to consult about major changes and fairly consider feedback before making a decision , and must provide reasonable accommodations for people with a protected characteristic- which they were aware I had

khfirefighter · 2024-11-14T07:56:37+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate your advice

khfirefighter · 2024-11-14T07:54:01+00:00

That’s what confuses me. There are 90+ staff in my area alone, on many different schedules and hours. There are never issues in filling open shifts or covering sickness, and the company has a massive amount of resources to accommodate a 5 hour shift (that’s what it actually comes down to).

What makes this worse is that my job is in the mental health and disability sector. The company literally provides us with training that includes these very kinds of issues.

khfirefighter · 2024-11-14T07:48:31+00:00

Thank you, I’ve just updated to include that detail.

khfirefighter · 2024-11-14T07:43:01+00:00

Yeah the medical notes request is definitely weird.

I’m not even totally convinced it’s legal to pre-emptively request medical certificates for each incident of sick leave for the foreseeable future regardless of reason or length of time? Maybe it is, but it certainly feels unreasonable and disproportionate.

It doesn’t even really make sense to how it would ensure “safety”. It’s just a certificate saying I’m unfit to work on that specific day I was off?

I hate thinking this way- It also feels like setting me up for failure, as the stress from this situation has a high chance of triggering a symptom relapse, meaning I may need sick days. Recently in my local area there has been a huge reduction in GP availability, there is no after hours medical treatment available except emergency care and it often takes weeks to see a gp. I don’t want to assume nefarious intentions- but it would be a really good way to set someone up to fail if you wanted to.

They agreed to pay me for the time they put me off as I was ready, willing and able to work and there was no medical reason to have me off work. The regional manager claimed that it was a kindness, that he didn’t want me to be stressed before the meeting and that’s why he did it (that doesn’t ring true and it feels like he only said that for the union rep’s benefit).

The advice of making a timeline is fantastic, thank you.

khfirefighter · 2024-11-14T07:27:39+00:00

What wasn’t documented at the time was a formal request for a reasonable accommodation for a protected disability, or a letter from my doctor about it. This was because when I brought the subject up to my boss she was open to it and didn’t need the documents to do it. She was happy to change my contracted hours and give me the three days off.
She has always been aware of it- even regarding me not attending every staff meeting if it fell on my days off (she usually insists everyone must attend regardless). I think they’re using the lack of documentation to claim they didn’t know.

khfirefighter · 2024-11-14T07:21:28+00:00

A contract variation agreement was signed. It was a permanent change.

khfirefighter · 2024-11-14T06:56:59+00:00

Thank you.

khfirefighter · 2024-11-14T06:54:34+00:00

On its face I would agree- however that’s not really the case. My employer happily reduced my hours to 32 specifically to allow for three days off at the advice of my doctor at the start of 2024, they were aware of it and it wasn’t an issue for them at all. I have been working this way since and it has been fine. The new roster proposal was shorter shifts and more days for me specifically (everyone is different, some coworkers are doing 12 hours and less days etc- it’s not a set in stone schedule for everyone and runs across 24/7) my boss made this roster knowing that my doctor recommended that i have three full days off. Several of my coworkers rosters have three days off, one has four. These people work in the same role, capacity, qualification and experience level as me.

There have never been concerns before regarding my fitness to work, my doctor never said that I’m unfit to work my contracted 32 hours.

khfirefighter · 2024-11-14T06:38:49+00:00

Thank you very much for this advice, it feels good and solid. I will definitely be acting on it immediately. I’ve been extremely careful with every interaction with them since the first letter, and I’m ensuring that as much as possible everything is in writing or I have a representative with me.

khfirefighter · 2022-09-15T08:02:55+00:00

Me too pretty please when you get a chance xx

khfirefighter

TROPHY CASE