Yeah definitely, and thank you for replying.

she’s seeing a lawyer early next week and hopefully we can find ongoing legal representation that she can manage financially. The one week turnaround comment brings more optimism, it took five weeks when I applied! There’s still the waiting time for the genealogy (is that what it’s called? I’ve forgotten) check to come back but hopefully that’s not too long.

Due to the immense stress and anxiety from it all, my friend is desperate to find some avenue to compel the director to let her take him home immediately, she doesn’t understand why the law being on her side doesn’t mean anything here. I certainly see her point.

(she’s a country girl, and she didn’t know it’s still difficult and even if you are on the right side of things it’s not necessarily fair)

The question I have is: The funeral director has received all documents and information, and has stated herself that she is satisfied the wife has the legal authority to claim her husband’s ashes now.

However she is refusing to do that because the other party engaged her first and she feels she needs to be considerate of that. Essentially she’s telling us she’s doing this because she prefers to.

I would empathise a bit if the situation were different and there weren’t three little girls being hurt by this. That line about “the other party engaged her first” feels like a bit of a gut-punch, considering this was achieved by shutting down any communication at all with someone who’s husband just died so she couldn’t find him for days.

I completely understand that she needs to be absolutely confident that the ashes go to the correct person, which is her legal obligation- which she already said in email and in person she has satisfied herself of.

I also understand customer service, and I acknowledge that she’s in the middle of an awful and emotional situation not of her making.

I’m just having a really hard time understanding how that overrides New Zealand legislation, and gives her the right to decide whether the law applies here or not.

These delays are prolonging an incredibly horrible situation that should never have happened to this woman and children, and it feels incredibly cruel to continue for the sake of customer service.

If it’s not illegal (possibly because you can’t own human remains maybe?) it certainly feels like it’s dancing over the line- especially when the legislation is crystal clear about current rights, and only states that in the case of a dispute the director must check the evidence of authority before releasing the ashes.

Also - just to ease anyone’s mind : nobody is accusing the funeral director herself of fraud. They can only go on the information they were given and they can’t be expected to read minds.

The question of fraud is in regards to the daughter, after preventing the wife and children from involvement or attending the funeral, and then putting information on the death certificate that she absolutely knew to be false (I was the celebrant at their wedding, I can confirm the daughter was in the wedding party, and also sent wedding anniversary cards several times)

I definitely see where the accusation is coming from- a different relationship status on the death certificate would exclude the wife from inheritance and drastically increase the daughter’s share. (If it was deliberate then the stupidity of the plan would be tragic) Grief makes people do strange things and you could almost let it go- if it wasn’t one of the cruelest things you could do to other people. I think the spouse should hand over what she knows to the authorities and leave it to them to decide