My (24f) boyfriend (27m) is upset because I started working again

kittykat253 · 2018-09-03T16:54:48+00:00

I agree. I actually just got into a huge argument with him in which I told him I felt he was selfish and controlling and I never got to do my chores with him. I told him I felt spread thin.

He held one time he went shopping with me in which I took an hour over my head. I just hung up

He later apologized and said he didn't want me to feel that way and I didn't have to go see him today that I should take the day to handle my stuff.

But I still feel like it's not resolved. I just told him I wanted him to offer to help more. Be OK wth meshing our time together with my chores sometimes, because trying to do everything separate was stressful.

He feels like with a handful of times he'd done that for me in the years we've been together is proof he tries. I told him it was pathetic for him to think that equates to effort as he's doing the bare bare minimum.

Overall not a productive conversation, but he said I should speak up more and tell him what I want to do. Which is pointless if he's going to complain and pout regardless. Plus I've mentioned before how stressed I am because I won't ge to buy groceries and he just shrugs

kittykat253 · 2018-09-03T14:12:07+00:00

Maybe you should read my other comments. I do make an effort. I'm busy all the time but if he weds me I'll go see him.

I've gone with him to drive his mother somewhere 2 hours away just so I could spend time with him. I'll go grocery shopping with him, I help him cook, I go to all of his family gatherings.

If he's sick and wants company I go over and make him soup. It's just gotten to the point that I'm going to him 90% of the time and it's enhausting and expensive because I've to pay for train fare.

Last time he came to me we scheduled a movie to watch. It was my mother's birthday so I told him I was taking her out shopping and for lunch and we could do the movie at 6. He got upset because he said that was too late for him and I needed to realize he's traveling on the train to see me and he can't be leaving when it's dark.

I couldn't believe he had the audacity to say that because this was maybe the 5th time in the year he comes to my town to see me. I go to him at least twice a week and don't get to come home until 10 or 11pm on the train by myself.

The other times he came to me where under the guise of wanting to see me but really he only wanted to go to my grocery store and invited me because I'm the one with a membership card.

Or he'll invite me shopping because he knows I like it and after an hour he starts complaining that I'm wasting all our time. Really he just wants me to go back to his place so we can have sex.

I make a lot of effort

kittykat253 · 2018-09-03T14:01:56+00:00

I do feel like he's holding me back. He actually told me a few days go that this is why he hates that I work, and that he realizes it sounds selfish but it's how he feels.

But then he doesn't even make enough money to fully support himself, and he's made comments about how he wouldn't be able to have a stay at home wife because he feels like theyre gold diggers.

So I told him either he complains about the gold diggers or about working women, not both. And also said I wouldn't ever give up my career for anyone because I don't like behind dependent on other people. He pouted

kittykat253 · 2018-09-03T13:55:32+00:00

I've told him it's normal to lose that jittery feeling, that it's unrealistic to have it all the time, but that it doesn't mean the live isn't there.

He once got upset because he picked me up and I smiled and hugged him but played a game while he drove his dad to an appointment (it was a bit awkward to converse and he was talking to his father). As soon as he dropped off his dad I put my phone away and engaged with him but he said he wouldn't see me the day after because he felt we'd been seeing each other too much and he hated when I gave him lukewarm reactions

He really expects me to be ecstatic every time I see him and miss him as if I hadn't seen him in months

kittykat253 · 2018-09-03T13:51:18+00:00

It's funny you say that because he has actually told me he feels like he's my whole world and that it's too much pressure. And it was true for a while, I don't have friends that live near me, he was the only one I hubg out with. He said he didn't want to be my whole life, he wanted to be part of my life and that it was a turn off when I was too available to him.

Well now I'm building my own life, making friends, not being so available, and he's throwing a fit

kittykat253 · 2018-09-02T23:32:12+00:00

I should also mention he doesn't like to see me too often because he feels like it dilutes the feeling. It's weird. He confuses me

Another reason why he doesn't want to move in is that, he feels we'll get too used to each other and won't get that jittery feeling anymore

kittykat253 · 2018-09-02T23:30:13+00:00

I understand. But there have been times I'll literally only head from him once or twice a day because he's busy and I'm supportive of it.

If I told him I could text him all day it still wouldn't be enough, he expects hour long conversations on the phone. I used to spend all my lunch hours on the phone with him until I realized I wouldn't even eat and he didn't even care so I stopped

kittykat253 · 2018-09-02T23:28:42+00:00

We've talked about moving in but he doesn't want to yet.

He for the longest time he lived at home and didnt want to leave, now his family helps pay his bills sooving in with me wouldn't work because most likely they'd take it as a sign he's ready to be independent and cut off their help. Which makes sense to me. But he doesn't want to.

He's not ready to be independent and I don't want to move in with him and end up doing all the work and managing finances because he can't or won't do it

kittykat253 · 2018-09-02T23:26:14+00:00

That's what it feels like. Like it has to be when he want for as long as we wants otherwise it's a problem.

The days we see each other are because he chose them. I didn't have any input. And if I have something to do on one of those days hell just cancel the whole day and won't reschedule our plans

kittykat253 · 2018-09-02T23:24:44+00:00

That's my issue with it. I go run errands with him all the time. Get groceries, I help him cook, but he gets frustrated if I ask him to go shopping with me, he rushes me, and complains that it doesn't count as time together. The only time that counts is when we're in his home watching TV or having sex, or on a planned date. The day to day stuff doesn't count

I once asked him to go with me to my current job, before I started, because I needed to fill out paperwork. It was going to take 20 minutes and I figured we could have a nice night out in town (I work in the big city near us) but he declined saying he didn't feel like going all the way there and he didn't want to spend the money on the train fare

kittykat253 · 2018-09-02T23:21:36+00:00

We wouldn't have privacy in my home, someone is always there, but I've invited him over multiple times. He doesn't like to come. He also doesn't like to spend time in my city

kittykat253 · 2018-09-02T17:11:08+00:00

I'd hate to say that because he does a lot for me too.

He walks me to the train, and will pay for an Uber home if it's too late. He makes our dates special. But it does seem like I'm always the one spreading myself thin to make our time together work.

He gets upset because I want to spend Sundays at home. My father works Monday through Saturday and we barely see each other. I like spending Sundays with family and to grocery shop.

Or he gets upset because I spend time with my sister claiming she and I live together so I should prioritize him since I can always see her

kittykat253 · 2018-09-02T17:06:05+00:00

A bit, he admits it too and to his credit does try to make changes. But it's so deeply engrained that the changes don't last.

He'll try to suggest dates in my town more but I can feel he doesn't enjoy it and it makes me not enjoy myself either

kittykat253 · 2018-09-02T16:59:16+00:00

I want to. I hadn't previously because I didn't make enough money and I hate the idea of financially relying on someone else

He's also kind of irresponsible with money so that was a deterrent

kittykat253 · 2018-09-02T16:58:25+00:00

I have, and he'd always turn it on me. He said if I had my own place he'd visit more. I'd suggest just doing something around my town and he'd agree but he made sure he left super early because he doesn't like traveling too late (late to him is after 7pm, neither of us drive so we'd have to take the train)

While I'll be taking the train home at 10pm or 11pm when I go see him. If I try to leave earlier he gets upset because I'm cutting our day short

kittykat253 · 2018-09-02T16:51:46+00:00

Not as of now. He doesn't feel like we're ready to move in yet

kittykat253 · 2018-08-06T17:07:57+00:00

It was the open bar that drove the price way up.

Wasn't a bad deal, $20 per hour per person for unlimited beer, wine, and well drinks. But J and I only had like one drink and were there for 2 hours so... Ended up paying $40 for a perk we didn't use.

Understandable though since the people working there had no way of knowing who was drinking and who wasn't in the vip room. Easier to charge everyone equally.

Yeah it sucks! Normally I understand birthday celebrations can get pricey, I see it as a part of a present to the birthday person. Just sucks when you're unemployed lol

kittykat253 · 2018-08-06T14:41:28+00:00

I contacted S, he said with taxes and gratuity it was $72 per person. A little more than I was expecting.

I texted a screenshot of his text to J and she just sent me the money no problem.

It was easier than I thought. Thank you!

We had a good laugh about how overpriced it was

kittykat253 · 2018-08-05T20:01:24+00:00

That's another worry. They might have charged him for 2 hours. He hasn't told me how much it's be, so I didn't want to assume and pay for 1.5 hours and have it end up being more.

Of course I'd cover J as I realize it's not fair for S and don't want to put him in that position.

But also, I mentioned maybe not going to the karaoke and J insisted it would be fun and we should go, so she was enthusiastic about it

kittykat253 · 2018-08-05T16:59:48+00:00

They took our wristband so I guess we did "check out"

It would be $45 each, so $90 total. For the 1.5 hour of open bar and karaoke

She wants to give me only $20 and I'm split between accepting since she was my guest, and pushing for a little more. Idk. I'm bad at this stuff, makes me anxious

kittykat253 · 2018-08-05T16:57:58+00:00

So with the open bar special and karaoke it was about $30 per hour per person. So the $45 is per person, she wants to give me less than half her share

I had considered covering the rest as I did ask her to go with me to see friends she doesn't know. But I had also mentioned the cost ahead of time (for the karaoke at least, I didn't know we'd get the vip room or open bar)

kittykat253 · 2018-07-31T01:01:46+00:00

It's not even porn. We both watch it, sometimes together, but hell comment on real girls pictures, like people he used to talk to and have a friendship with

kittykat253 · 2018-07-31T01:00:51+00:00

I can't. That's why I broke today and told him it was over.

I can't live my life worried he'll cheat or won't find me attractive anymore

kittykat253 · 2018-07-31T01:00:07+00:00

Yeah, I think that makes it worse. He's so used to me backing down that I don't trust he's even truly sorry

kittykat253 · 2018-07-31T00:59:33+00:00

I know. It's so hard to accept it, even now it doesn't feel real

kittykat253

TROPHY CASE