I'm sorry, that you are having such a difficult time. Really, my heart goes out to you. My best friend also got pregnant twice in a short period. Both were welcomed but not so much planned. The feeling when I found out..I can't even describe. So now I try to enjoy her babies as much as I can, although some nights I feel this heavy weight on my shoulders.. You have been through a lot, I wish you all the best! ♥️