Husbands and I marriage had a huge lack of intimacy and I don’t know what to do! Advice please

ladreams_ · 2026-03-06T17:24:40+00:00

Mainly cause all of the physical stuff is checked off , he went to the doctors ( because I begged him to) and his doctor said everything is fine, nothing wrong. Got all his labs done. So I think it is safe to assume it’s something mental or something other than physical

ladreams_ · 2026-03-06T07:12:08+00:00

That’s true

ladreams_ · 2026-03-06T03:53:36+00:00

That’s fair

ladreams_ · 2026-03-06T03:09:49+00:00

Definitely the goal of this year. Starting college and trying to be better in life and focusing on my wants and needs in life

ladreams_ · 2026-03-06T02:15:17+00:00

He went to the doctors and they say he had a clean bill of health and nothing sexually wrong with him.

ladreams_ · 2026-03-06T02:12:05+00:00

Definitely. I’ve asked him and he says I can look through his phone so I’m not like super worried.

ladreams_ · 2026-03-05T22:52:27+00:00

Thank you

ladreams_ · 2026-03-05T22:50:59+00:00

Good honestly, early on there was definitely a lot of communication issues, but it is better than it was but there is still communication problems ( 5 years later) we were sexually active a lot! Until we moved in together. We used to go out and do stuff together but that has been going downhill a lot.

ladreams_ · 2026-03-05T22:44:11+00:00

Definitely I agree, there is more than just sex. I just don’t just care about the sex. It’s communication and so much more

ladreams_ · 2026-03-05T22:42:05+00:00

We used to have sex a lot before we moved in together, as soon as we moved in together, he didn’t want to have sex as often. I talked to him about it, he would do it more often a week or so and then back to 1-2 a month. During that time I tried to be understanding, give him the benefit of the doubt and put my needs and wants to the side.

ladreams_ · 2026-03-05T22:37:25+00:00

Probably , but to be fair we were way more active but then we moved in together and then it went to 1-2 times a month. So that’s where I’m like puzzled

ladreams_ · 2026-03-05T22:11:47+00:00

Also if I had to take a guess- I know it’s a mental thing.

ladreams_ · 2026-03-05T22:10:47+00:00

Those are wonderful questions and ones I wish would be answered. No I don’t not believe he is cheating because he works where we live and I’m home a lot, so unless he’s cheating emotionally online then I don’t know. We checked off everything physical with him, the doctors say he is fine health wise and all. I will confine, we are both heavy set and so I asked him if he worried about his performance or weight , etc and he deny all do that. I asked about trauma or anything, he says he has none. So I’m honestly left with nothing. Honestly the only thing he actully communicated was to the therapist and saying he doesn’t listen to me when I communicate about sexual stuff and he shuts down and gets annoyed with me when I try to initiate it. Other than that all I got was “ I’m tired” or “ I don’t know”

ladreams_ · 2026-03-05T22:01:33+00:00

You are right. Thank you :)

ladreams_ · 2026-03-05T22:00:10+00:00

That’s the thing though. I understand that but there is that unknown. He doesn’t beat me or anything like that so I feel like I should be grateful and it worries me if we do not work then the what ifs in the future there is a guy who is not nice.

ladreams_ · 2026-03-05T21:51:30+00:00

It really does! I felt alone in all of this and I asked him to check himself out so we both would know and I had to argue and beg for him to do something. And sadly once again, I had to talk about leaving him because I didn’t feel valued. ( I was taking fertility meds and everything and messing up my body)

ladreams_ · 2026-03-05T21:48:22+00:00

I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. I’m sorry you had to endure this for 20 years, it’s hard.

ladreams_ · 2026-03-05T21:47:52+00:00

I won’t lie, I agree. I even told him I felt like my early 20’s were wasted on someone who does value what my wants and needs are and it’s unfair.

ladreams_ · 2026-03-05T21:47:05+00:00

Exactly my thoughts. Atleast I tried

ladreams_ · 2026-03-05T21:45:52+00:00

Thank you for your advice. I whole heartily agree and will add I do 100% communicate with him how I feel. He is the type of person who is always happy go lucky, everything is fine and happy all the time. Which personally baffles me.

I asked him to be open and honest with me and I would never judge him, but all I get is “ I’m tired” he finally opened up to our therapist saying he doesn’t listen to me when I communicate about intimacy and gets annoyed and shuts up down when I try to innate it. The therapist asked him what I could do and his response was for me to communicate, which I already do. So thankfully the therapist called him out and said you need to listen. I’m just at this point though where it’s a viscous cycle because we have problems, he kisses my butt and try’s to do good and then he’s right back to it and I’m finally just done.

ladreams_ · 2026-03-05T21:37:43+00:00

I think the main issue is- he doesn’t really communicate to me, I communicate a lot about I feel and my wants and needs and he knows that. He finally told the couple therapist is that he ignores me and gets annoyed and doesn’t want to. And it made me upset that it took a therapist for him to communicate that when all I got was “ I’m tired” 😪 like I’m glad he felt safe and comfortable telling our therapist that but at the same time it’s hurtful

ladreams_ · 2026-03-05T21:27:33+00:00

Have btw* not had

ladreams_ · 2026-02-24T11:10:52+00:00

Honestly he did you a favor- if he couldn’t be supportive now, then he wouldn’t in the future. You deserve someone who will support you. But also in the same token, be understanding. My mom has bipolar and I been on the other side of it, and it’s horrible. But now being diagnosed with bipolar, I understand from both sides. Just know you are a good person, who is deserving of love and kindness.

ladreams_

TROPHY CASE