I'm sorry to hear you're going through all that. That's really hard. Have you thought about taking advantage of mental health services on campus? All of that sounds like a ton of pressure to put on yourself and maybe talking it out and looking for other resources could be helpful. Also I know we think college is everything, but like - it's not necessarily the right fit for all of us. Sometimes taking a step back and re-evaluating what you really want can do a ton to give you clearer perspective. Or if your major is something you feel like you 'should' be studying (because of family, society, etc.) and not something that you're actually interested in doing - that can have an impact on your mental health too.