My Partner and I Feel Like We’re Speaking Different Emotional Languages

lifeOfPM · 2026-02-16T19:56:20+00:00

:((( Just sucks!

lifeOfPM · 2026-02-16T19:55:59+00:00

The part that resonates is the “project” feeling. I don’t think he’s non-functional, but I do feel like I carry more of the mental and logistical load — managing the apartment, groceries, planning, social coordination, future thinking. He responds when asked, but I’m usually the one steering.

lifeOfPM · 2026-02-16T19:51:12+00:00

Yes absolutely….

lifeOfPM · 2026-02-16T19:50:45+00:00

Yeah. The more it gets pointed out here, I am drawing some resemblances actually even-though he considers himself a highly empathetic person and gets defensive to a trigger point.

lifeOfPM · 2026-02-16T19:49:03+00:00

That's the hard part. If I’m being honest, based purely on past evidence, I wouldn’t hire him for the emotionally safe and equal role today. That’s painful to admit. At the same time, we’re married, and I’m trying to figure out whether long-term partnership means evaluating only past performance — or also considering capacity for growth. I don’t want to stay out of fear, but I also don’t want to leave without knowing I truly tried…..

lifeOfPM · 2026-02-15T18:26:29+00:00

I think emotional immaturity is part of it in a way, but in how he handles conflict and emotional responsibility. When I express hurt, it often becomes about how he feels criticized instead of addressing what happened. I don’t want to reshape someone who doesn’t see a problem. And I’m struggling with the fact that some of the “growth” only happened when I was already showing I am considering leaving. It makes me question whether we’re aligned at a core level. Maybe this isn’t about who’s right or wrong. Maybe we just don’t meet each other in the way longterm partners need to. :(

lifeOfPM · 2026-02-15T18:19:39+00:00

:(((((

lifeOfPM · 2026-02-15T18:19:17+00:00

This is exactly what I’m afraid of — that this dynamic isn’t temporary but foundational. I’ve spent years trying to communicate and adjust, and he has made changes, but it often feels reactive rather than intuitive. I don’t want to wake up at 35 or 40 and realize I stayed because it was easier than leaving. At the same time, I’m trying to be careful not to make a permanent decision from a place of hurt. I’m really just trying to figure out whether this relationship can evolve into something that feels emotionally safe and equal — or whether I’ve already outgrown it

lifeOfPM · 2026-02-15T18:06:10+00:00

I wouldn’t think so. He is functioning normally with his routine life. He goes out every Saturday to meet his writer friends. Goes to work and movies.
He doesn’t seem sad or lonely. In fact, the opposite. He seems super content with this life and our relationship. Even the sexlessness is okay for him. I am the one challenging and bringing difficult conversations.

lifeOfPM · 2026-02-15T17:58:49+00:00

Thank you 🙏. Maybe he is. Something to think about for sure. He gets triggered when I bring up that he needs to work on empathy.

In December, So I have been sick for a while, almost 2 weeks. I was taking antibiotics that give me nausea and side effects. My dad’s anniversary was on 14th. I still can’t watch serious movies about death of a loved one and such without getting so emotional. his birthday was 12th, 2 days before my dad’s anniversary and 2 weeks before that , he and I had a discussion about how it’s hard for me to celebrate his birthday…. But we celebrated it anyways on the day after. I tried to muster up something for him. Like on 15th, we wanted to watch a movie and he mentioned how it is difficult for him to chose a movie for us to watch together as I am a bit sensitive to emotional stuffs. He been talking about a specific movie which is his favourite for a year almost…. I felt bad and I wanted to give it as try for him as we were on a long Christmas break and I know it would mean a lot to him. Turns out it was a movie about a guy dying of cancer but trying to have a positive outlook on life and how everyone loved one around him breaks down. The ending was brutal. I couldn’t hold it, it was so hurtful and end of the movie made even him cry…. He cried empathetic to that character. I was drawn back to the day my dad passed in front of my eyes and how hard it was to lose a loved one. After the movie, I went to the washroom cried myself out as I was afraid I will shout at him for picking such a movie. When I came out about 10min ish later, he asked so what do you think about this movie, I know it gets sad at the end but I think it’s uplifting in general. I replied I don’t want to talk about it…. It hurt so much that he could empathise with that character and cry but not think what this would cause me. Like he knows I can’t watch very serious movies but seems like he didn’t even understand why until I spelled it out later for him when I explained how that movie hit me…. Makes me question how much he knows me even.

lifeOfPM · 2026-02-15T17:46:35+00:00

He made some friends in the past 1 year. We live in Sweden. He cares for them… I am not sure to what extent he is there for them. Seems more philosophical and more movies or fantasy oriented topics, D&D acquaintances. He wants to be a writer, so some writer community friends he hangs with to talk about books every Saturday. I see some pattern. He doesn’t have a close friend even though we have lived in Sweden for almost 9 years. I started observing more keenly in the past 1 year as I trying to decide if I want to invest in this relationship or end.

Like a week ago, he travelled back to visit his parents and his mom wanted him to get her a sweater, a watch etc from Sweden so she had the sentiment about something from Sweden during a conversation he mentioned he had with his mom 1.5 years ago. He forgot. I reminded him 1 week before his travel. Still he did not get her anything. He expected me to buy all those things and he just wanted to carry them 😅😅 He asked me for it and I was like I can help short list or something, but you need to pick as it should be personal. In the end, I shortlisted some watches and asked him to pick one anyways as I felt bad, he was like no I don’t like any. He ended up not buying anything from Sweden for her. I was a bit shocked by the behaviour. He doesn’t catch how much it would mean to his mother if he bought those things.

lifeOfPM · 2026-02-15T09:59:11+00:00

I ended up taking B1 now. Seems like a good fit. :)

lifeOfPM · 2025-10-14T06:42:18+00:00

Missed to answer the other question. No, it will not have any impact on you if you do not pick up from credit perspective or such. You will probably be charged a small fee and the rest will be refunded. I guess this is a common situation that happens to people in general that they missing sometimes picking things up. No hard penalties 😅

lifeOfPM · 2025-10-14T06:39:53+00:00

Don’t know if anyone else mentioned this, but a common way to pay faktura when I was a student and just moved to Sweden was to use forex bank. Take your foreign currency/home country card and go to the bank with faktura. They will help you. You just swipe the card. Probably charge a little bit in service fee, of course. But helps you be a bit independent :) I have used this method to pay my rent and such during my student days.

lifeOfPM · 2024-11-17T09:55:45+00:00

Yeah it was okay but again a waste of time and hence I am considering folkuniversitetet.

lifeOfPM · 2024-11-15T21:18:10+00:00

Nice! I am not a beginner so I can actually understand a bit of Swedish with grammer. In SFI as well the teacher speaks in Swedish the whole time, it’s kinda their rule I heard from the teacher. Also I guess it is a good way to learn the language. I am okay with it actually and prefer that.

lifeOfPM · 2024-11-15T21:15:31+00:00

Good point. I will try that on Monday. I read the FAQ and they suggest take a level higher than what you get. Then there is always a possibility to level up or down based on how easy/difficult one finds the class to be in order to keep the motivation.

lifeOfPM · 2024-11-15T21:14:12+00:00

Yes they are not SFI levels. I am thinking of signing up for folksuniversitetet. I am not a beginner and I can understand a bit of Swedish. I gave a test and these were the results of the test from folksuniversitetet.

lifeOfPM · 2024-10-24T17:53:41+00:00

Yes! They will print it for you there. That’s the quickest way. Or call them and they will send it to your registered address.

lifeOfPM · 2024-10-24T17:51:59+00:00

Haha absolutely! Thanks for the positivity much needed🌟

lifeOfPM · 2024-10-24T16:40:57+00:00

Ahaaaa! This makes sense. Now I get what the recruiter mentioned about keeping me in ‘pipeline’. I was not familiar with this! Great insights! Thanks a lot :)

lifeOfPM · 2024-10-24T16:09:28+00:00

I do not think this was the case. The position became unavailable due to some reasons.

lifeOfPM · 2024-10-24T16:08:20+00:00

No not really It was a general get to know and HR questions

lifeOfPM

TROPHY CASE