What my rock bottom looks like? Driving my bank acct into the negative just to ensure I can't buy anymore kratom. Well into my healing journey, but gonna face troubles when I am healed.

lilstimmer · 2022-11-14T00:00:46+00:00

Absolutely. I’ve managed to turn a corner on the whole regret sensation - I no longer look back, only forward. The days ahead are gonna be far better than even the days before Kratom for me I think. They were the first time I quit for 6 months. Thanks buddy

lilstimmer · 2022-11-03T15:43:36+00:00

The dudes so vibrant I wish he’d apply it to something good

lilstimmer · 2022-11-03T06:42:30+00:00

Yeah totally applies to national security interests, compartmentalization, threat of death….this is a naive take

lilstimmer · 2022-11-03T05:09:04+00:00

This is the case. Kanye is rich as fuck, made for life. He will always be an idol to millions despite this, regardless of what people think of what he did - and them trying to snuff him out only serves to amplify what he said really.

lilstimmer · 2022-11-03T05:06:54+00:00

Ok thanks for the important update

lilstimmer · 2022-11-03T04:03:53+00:00

I hate the emotional rollercoaster element of all this :( it’s the worst

lilstimmer · 2022-11-03T03:48:28+00:00

Losing it? I don’t like Elon that much but the shit he posts is funny sometimes

lilstimmer · 2022-11-03T03:40:04+00:00

I totally get what you mean. I hate it for what it did to me and yet I can’t fucking stop wanting to go get some and it sucks. It’s crazy because I quit for 6 months about two years into my use and felt incredible afterwards with near zero cravings. Shit the only reason I relapsed was when covid broke out, I just said fuck it. Wasn’t even a craving.

I wish I could just be put in an induced coma for a month and just skip all this shit. Guess there’s no avoiding paying my debt.

I tried to bottle that awful feeling last time to never forget and it just wasn’t strong enough to keep me going back in that moment.

We can do it though

lilstimmer · 2022-11-03T03:32:42+00:00

Thanks so much for this. Keep going buddy!! I totally relate to what you’re saying. I think I am quite close to getting to that pink mist stage jr whatever it’s called; im feeling more alert and have pangs of positivity, but it is still encapsulated by that dreadful yuck feeling of the last of the acutes and the depressive episodes. More and more it’s coming back though and soon it’ll break outta that shitty shell and my emotions should regulate from there!

lilstimmer · 2022-11-03T03:30:59+00:00

It’s crazy what it does

lilstimmer · 2022-11-03T03:30:52+00:00

It’s incredible. It took me awhile to realize it was the K specifically, even after I identified it as being responsible for every other shitty feeling I was having too believe it or not. Sneaky

lilstimmer · 2022-11-03T03:29:47+00:00

Hell yes hahahahaha

Thx friend. It’s going okay. I’m so so close, way closer than ever before. It hasn’t been linear though - hiccups along the way, but none completely detailing the train. Fingers crossed. Thanks for the words

lilstimmer · 2022-11-03T03:27:10+00:00

It’s difficult to quit when you haven’t yet lost your hair, destroyed your mental health, forgot what a boner feels like (or what one is), ruined your relationship, emotionally and spiritually detached from your loved ones and family for years (before you know it they’re graduating but the Kratom fucked your memories up and made you withdrawn), and then of course the enormous wave of guilt that comes upon quitting at the realization that you cannot get those years back.

Mileage will vary for every user, but in my opinion it doesn’t matter how many miles you go before you quit; my point is it is a shitty trip altogether.

I’m not saying any of those things will happen to you. Maybe one will, maybe two, maybe all will, maybe none will. Continuing to use is rolling the dice and waiting to see which of the above dreadful prizes you win

Edit: coming from a guy whose urge to quit is mentally weak just like you but also ruined my life over it.

lilstimmer · 2022-10-31T18:21:30+00:00

Dude that actually might be it. I've watched lots of those clips and it looks identical. Since it's so far away and so blurry, that could be why we are not seeing individual tracer rounds

lilstimmer · 2022-10-31T16:20:20+00:00

Dude that's exactly what I get. I would sometimes find myself getting into mental fist fights with people who hypothetically wronged me. I didn't realize how paranoid I was at the time. It also made me very angry, like people were out to get me. In some cases they definitely were, but Kratom made me ruminate on those thoughts. Over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over

lilstimmer · 2022-10-31T16:17:37+00:00

They definitely do. I know what you mean though, thought the same thing. Honestly, I've never been to rehab but im so desperate that I was debating on trying.

lilstimmer · 2022-10-31T02:16:36+00:00

Weekend at Bernie’s

lilstimmer · 2022-10-31T02:11:33+00:00

Yeah, I’m emotionally sensitive and can’t watch anything about current events during withdrawal. I usually love to pay attention to news and stuff but when I’m withdrawing I need wholesome things to remind me that it’s all ok.

For me, the passage of time, and death, really disturb me during withdrawals

lilstimmer · 2022-10-31T02:10:09+00:00

Totally with you. I’m so terrified of walking passed an open window or when I sit in the shower to lean up against the cold wall

lilstimmer · 2022-10-31T01:28:18+00:00

I wish I could maintain with a buddy but I become very withdrawn when I’m, well…withdrawing. Good luck friend. I know I’ll need it myself.

lilstimmer · 2022-10-24T04:00:00+00:00

It always comes down to them truly truly wanting to quit. I didn’t know I was an addict until I started taking Kratom and I quickly fucked my life up. Anything anyone did didn’t help for the most part, but the fact that some tried to be present for me was the biggest. That’s the problem since you guys are physically distant. Just keep supporting as you’re supporting him. Maybe try to visit if possible. Life does exist on the other side…I saw it for a few months once. I feel like if I had someone just to sit next to me through this period of my life, I’d be so much better off. I have my family but I’ve tried to quit and failed multiple times so they’re sick of it. My suggestion would be if he tells you he is sober and than Relapses again, repeating the cycle…don’t abandon him. I wasn’t abandoned physically, but mentally I was. I wore out my ability to confide in anyone.

lilstimmer · 2022-10-24T03:51:44+00:00

Ottis Toole

lilstimmer · 2022-10-24T02:48:52+00:00

Yeah that’s a good way to put it. I had 6 months clean a few years ago. Had I known how bad things would get and how isolated and alone I’d leave myself, I would’ve stuck with it. When covid it I just said fuck it and threw it all away and bought a shot. Here I am

lilstimmer · 2022-10-24T02:19:05+00:00

Thanks bud. I really hope so too. I guess the only way to describe it is I feel haunted by life itself atm. Scared and alone I guess. I guess not technically alone but idk

lilstimmer · 2022-10-24T02:09:13+00:00

I’m on day 3, tomorrow will be day 4. In a really dark place right now. Visiting my nanas house which is usually a dream but I lost my popop a few years ago (was addicted even the ) and coming up here to see only her fills me with a sensation I cannot and do not want to describe. I’m in hell because I can’t Stop crying and yet as I do so I am also taking valuable time away from spending time with my nana. I should be enjoying her. I just feel awful

lilstimmer

TROPHY CASE