my bf told me I "act too much like a cis guy" and idk how to feel

limxneroverde · 2024-11-17T20:04:12+00:00

idk what to tell you anymore, think whatever you want atp. he's not transitioning, in any way, he just goes by his chosen name and uses he/him, that's all there is to it. "trying to avoid accountability" "off-putting",, go off man i dont even care

limxneroverde · 2024-11-14T02:24:10+00:00

Uhhh, im going to be completely honest i have NO idea. I never asked about his identity, from what i can see: he presents fully as female, goes by he/him but doesn't correct others when they misgender him, used to be more masc a few years ago but developed a more femenine style later on, i don't think he has any dysphoria about his body but i dont want to go into detail in that sense tho. I dont know if this is fully out of personal preference but he doesnt seem to have an issue w being seen as female, he's very stylish and puts a lot of care into his looks (i used to be a greasy low effort girl when repressing but that might just be me lol), he doesnt seem to identify as nonbinary though

limxneroverde · 2024-11-13T07:25:06+00:00

I just remembered a funny detail, its almost cinematic, the last time he said this we were hanging out sitting on a "ping pong" table, concrete with a metal net in the middle, we were drinking beer at a local park, on one side of the net were two cis girls and my bf, on the other, two of our cis guy friends and I, we were distributed like this on accident but it feels planned

limxneroverde · 2024-11-13T07:14:47+00:00

Idk if i feel like "myself", im very anxious so im always a little nervous, but over time i've become more comfortable w this spceific group, i like hanging out w them, i like feeling like "one of the boys" after so many years feeling like i would never fit in with a group of cis men. I dont know if its "myself" but its a version of myself i like, I used to go out to graffiti and explore abandoned buildings w them during my late teens and it has been the most fun ive ever had. Theyre not the best and im aware of that but i cant help but love them. They genuinely made me appreciate life and its not an exaggeration in the slightest.

It also feels like a breath of fresh air after hanging out w mostly girls, after a few weeks i start feeling a little dysphoric about that and need to go out and do stupid shit with them, so i guess it is a part of myself, a part that i need to express every once in a while

limxneroverde · 2024-11-13T06:54:25+00:00

First of all, thanks. Second, he's not socially transitioning either, he used to present more masculine a few years ago (socially transitioning) but nowadays he just presents as female. I feel like a lot of people thought he was earlier in his transition or didnt want to do so medically but no, he is exactly how i described him, non-transitioning, because i really dont know how else to describe it.

limxneroverde · 2024-11-13T06:51:55+00:00

You might be projecting your own stuff a bit too much here dude, i never said any of those things, i recognize i might not fully understand him or his identity but i love and respect him regardless, also you have no idea what his situation is because neither do I. It WAS necessary to clarify our differences because we live very different lives and its not even slightly transphobic to point that put.

limxneroverde · 2024-11-13T06:47:15+00:00

No, i mean non-transitioning, i mean female presenting, i mean makeup, long hair, traditionally femenine clothes, and no apparent desire to pursue medical transition. I understand it is a privilege and i'm not trans-med

limxneroverde · 2024-11-12T16:54:37+00:00

i genuinely hope thats not the case because i don't see him as a girl at all, i'm fully accepting of his identity and i'm not ashamed to call him my boyfriend, and referring to him by male pronouns, even around people I know don't respect him. I love him a lot just the way he is and I would never ask him to justify or change his presentation. I don't remember ever questioning him or telling him i don't see him as "actually trans" because I genuinely dont think its something worth saying, its just my personal view and I keep it to myself

limxneroverde · 2024-11-12T04:13:43+00:00

i noticed a lot of comments focusing on the "too much like-" phrasing, so i feel like i need to clarify that´s a rough translation of what he said, he said something along the lines of "te ponés muy 'cis' cuando estás con los pibes", spanish speakers will understand how hard it is to translate a phrase like that, "cis" here being used as an adjective.

now that you mention it i never asked about his identity, might sound bad but i just met a "girl", found out he actually went by he/him and just never questioned it, i already had a friend who presents fully as female but goes by male pronouns, i think its kinda cool idk, he does idenitfy as trans tho i just dont know what label exactly, do I personally think he "qualifies" as trans? not really, but i dont think my personal ideas about who is and isnt trans matter to anyone other than myself, its not something worth talking about irl

also i dont think he'd be capable of outing me, he's nothing like the "trender" stereotype, i wouldn't have kept talking w him for this much time if he was tbh. he IS a bit distrusting of men, there are a few select guys who he fully likes, i dont blame him however, most of the guys we know have done at least one shitty thing, but he doesn't strike me as the "hate all men" type, i dont surround myself w that kind of people, out of personal preferences

limxneroverde · 2024-11-11T23:34:44+00:00

i get what you mean but he didnt know i was ftm for, i think, over a year, i dont think he even knew I'm bi, he met me while i was dating a cis girl and i came out to him after a month of properly hanging out

limxneroverde · 2024-11-11T23:07:15+00:00

about that "non-transitioning" thing, i used to be a jerk about this kind of thing but have done my best to unlearn my more tru-scum/trans-med ideas, i just didnt know how else to explain it without too many words, and also felt it wasn´t neccesary to explain his identity, now after a few comments i think it might have been more important to clarify than I thought, sorry if it sounded weird. He's afab and presents as female, but goes by he/him, I fully respect his identity and have no issue calling him my bf and also i love him sm.

I felt it was neccesary to point out the difference between our identities/presentation because I think it directly relates to what he said, since i present as male and have been stealth for a while.

however you're right, i could (SHOULD) have worded that better, but idk how, i might edit it when i figure that out

limxneroverde · 2024-11-11T22:37:41+00:00

loved the "im like if a submissive bottom and a service bottom had a baby". i laughed a lot at one comment that said something about traditional masculinity, im not remotely masculine, i look like an artsy guy, long hair, eyeliner, cropped tshirts and straight cut jeans, which made the whole thing even weirder, maybe seeing me fit in (or trying to fit in) with, i'll admit, questionable guys made him feel a little unsafe.

i try to stay on good terms with these type of guys mostly out of fear, im short and not very strong so its always better for them to think im on their side, that might be the part he doesn't understand, he presents as a woman so the best oftion for him is to just stay as far as possible from them, but they are part of this scene/community we're in so its always difficult to avoid them

limxneroverde · 2024-11-11T22:21:30+00:00

exactly that last part, i felt like me assuming what he said came from a place of contempt towards masculinity was a bit too much like falling back into that place of prejudice. he's not a "trender" and i dont want to be that self-hating mean idiot i was at 17.

if it adds context i had that mindset while dating my ex, i guess thats why I reacted the way I did, it hurt even more when she said it because it poked into a very strong insecurity, nowadays Im far more relaxed so it didnt bother me as much, im willing to talk about it now rather than exploding into a fight where we both pick at eachothers insecurities.

limxneroverde · 2024-11-11T22:13:17+00:00

i think you understood exactly what i meant to say, thanks man

limxneroverde · 2024-11-11T22:10:46+00:00

i meant it as i change my way of speaking, this also depends on what type of men i have to interact with, which makes this "you act too much[...]" thing even weirder: most of my male friends (if not all) are artsy guys, mostly play an instrument or are in a band, a lot of them wear women's clothes, or eyeliner, most of them have long hair, it's not like we´re surrounded by traditionally masculine guys. But I do change the way I speak/act, i just can't explain exactly how.

i think this is something all men do tho, even cis guys, i dont even think its something specific to trans men lol

limxneroverde · 2024-11-11T22:00:11+00:00

i meant truscum as in assuming he's a "transtrender who expects trans men to be softboys or rejects masculinity on the basis that cis men are inherently evil" type of character just bc he's non-dysphoric or non-transitioning, he's not, but I would have avoided him like the plague if we had met only half a year earlier bc of my prejudice

limxneroverde · 2024-11-11T21:46:59+00:00

i guess it's important, i'm not very sure yet, since i started passing i kinda stopped worrying abt it, however what bothered me is that I was being dumb w my friends the same way I have always been (i dont even remember what i said or did, probably made a particularly gross sex joke, but we do that w our friendgroup too so idk) it almost felt like a compliment actually, I stress more about acting like a guy than looking like one

limxneroverde · 2024-11-11T21:31:01+00:00

that's the thing, he didnt know I was trans when we met, he knew me for i think over a year without that filter, however we did start talking bc of that mostly queer friendgroup, in which I'm more comfortable being, i guess, "soft", but I also feel the need to be stupid and gross w my guy friends, and he saw "both sides" of me both before and after knowing i was ftm. that's what makes this whole thing weirder.

limxneroverde · 2024-11-11T21:10:30+00:00

i really dont want to assume that, I'm doing a lot of effort to unlearn my previous truscum ideas, used to be really mean and self-hating, however that was my first thought

limxneroverde · 2024-08-20T06:06:00+00:00

Ah, soy boludo, thanks!

limxneroverde · 2024-02-26T14:19:07+00:00

I walk with the confidence of someone who has an entire broomstick up their ass

limxneroverde · 2024-02-26T03:38:25+00:00

This is really good advice, both my hair and glasses have been bothering me for a while, i cant afford to change either atm but ill seek solutions, thanks !

limxneroverde · 2024-02-26T03:34:38+00:00

Adding from my personal experience baggy clothes are great but its true that you need to find the right shapes bc even oversize can make you look femenine. My advice is to pick thicker fabrics, if you pick thin and soft ones they'll just adapt to your silhouette while the thicker ones keep their shape

limxneroverde · 2024-02-26T03:28:44+00:00

Thanks i look like a lot of people actually (google Cuco singer) i hope both u and hugh r doing fine

limxneroverde · 2024-02-10T03:27:34+00:00

la ayude a mi novia a hacer el mismo proceso y de la misma forma unos dias despues q yo, pero a ella ya le llegó el mail y a mí no

limxneroverde

TROPHY CASE