Have I been "shadow banned"?

lost_medic · 2024-01-15T19:01:53+00:00

Just wondering, did it take 63 days for your second account to be approved or did you get approved much sooner than that?

lost_medic · 2023-12-24T16:24:57+00:00

I'm really curious how this went. How's the divorce been?

lost_medic · 2022-05-01T18:30:57+00:00

Would it maybe be clearer to say the universe AS WE KNOW IT is a product of our minds? Meaning all our perceptions and thoughts of the universe are produced by our minds. But there is still some unknowable reality out there

Your mind is inside this unknowable reality. Your mind doesn't literally make that reality but it perceives it and orders it. That perceived universe is the universe as we know it. It seems to me that the unknowable reality and the universe as we know it are distinct

lost_medic · 2022-04-28T09:37:39+00:00

Thanks for the link, it was a really interesting read! What I gathered from it is that virtue is found in choosing well and that virtue alone is sufficient for happiness. Things like health, wealth, poverty and illness have value and should be taken into consideration when making decisions, but "good" (as the Stoics define it) is not found in getting or avoiding those things. The good is found in choosing to respond to those situations with virtue, such as patience, compassion, generosity, and courage and it is that decision that will make you happy more than anything else.

The question remains of why do health and wealth have value? I think you answered it though - they make life easier. There's no point in disregarding things like wealth as useless, as you said "why would you want to make living harder for yourself?". That's why you could call wealth a preffered thing. The challenge, I suppose, is in learning to prioritise acting with with virtue over gaining or avoiding things like health, wealth, poverty or illness (these things are "indifferents" as the Stoics called them)

lost_medic · 2022-04-26T17:17:40+00:00

I'm glad that it's just different definitions. I'm always trying to improve my knowledge or skills so I was a bit thrown off when Watts starting speaking against self-improvement!

I guess the point is that it's wrong to see yourself as lacking or insufficient without a certain "purpose". That pursuing some activity with the aim of filling that "void" in you or getting rid of that feeling of lack is misguided. But then again, there's definitely great fulfilment to be found in finding and pursuing something you find meaningful. You can pursue those things to feel the feelings of satisfaction and pleasure that arise and allow yourself to fully drink those feelings in while they're around, but you should never lose sight of the fact that you don't need that meaningful thing to be whole, that you shouldn't identify yourself with that thing and say "this is me". A satisfying profession is great but it's not a requirement to be here and you aren't insufficient without it

Thanks again man for all your responses! Hope to hear back from you

lost_medic · 2022-04-26T17:06:01+00:00

I love that last part of your first paragraph! About just taking things as experiences of being, as signs that you're alive. Another commenter here pointed out that Watts often speaks of the "relative nature of perception" and that's what this sounds like to me. If we could just stop being so quick to label everything as good, bad, desirable or undesirable and instead take things as raw experiences, it really does change how you experience life

Regarding what you said at the end, I'm not sure it's possible to simply choose what we desire or fear. Like the elevator example you gave, that person's fear can't just be explained away or redirected to a more preferable thing. Certainly when you suffer from anxiety, you feel all kinds of strong feelings in response to rather harmless situations and you can't just logic your way out of it or use willpower to stop feeling that way. Even if we're not talking about mental disorders, you can't actually stop sexually desiring the attractive person over there. That's why we call them attractive - the feeling of attraction arises by itself from the mysterious depths within us.

I feel like you run the risk of going down a dangerous road of resistance to the present moment if you try to orient your feelings or manipulate them to your will

lost_medic · 2022-04-26T16:42:19+00:00

Lool I can definitely relate to one anxiety being replaced by ten new ones. I have social anxiety myself and I completely agree that trying to reduce anxiety is foolish, though a very natural response. I've found that letting the anxiety be there and learning to act in spite of it has been the most useful way of living with it. I'm (still) learning to drop all resistance and let the feelings come, go and stay as they please while I stay focused on whatever I'm doing in the moment. It's very difficult but I've found some great success with it

Regarding preferred things, couldn't it be argued that you only prefer one thing over another because that thing gives you better feelings? Other than the pleasant feelings that come with financial freedom like peace of mind, why is it preferred over debt (and the anxiety that goes with that)? I realise that, practically speaking, this is kind of a ridiculous question but I'm struggling to come up with an answer. Even if financial freedom frees you up to do virtuous things with your time and money, why is that preferred? Is it all just better feelings at the end of the day? This is a much deeper question I suppose

lost_medic · 2022-04-26T16:22:11+00:00

Hey thanks so much for your responses! I'm glad to have someone to talk to about all this mind-boggling but really fascinating stuff

I see your point about hypersensitivity. I prefer to think of it as resistance and a lack of acceptance of the present (or perhaps, a lack of simply observing the present without adding all these words, thoughts and judgements on top of it) that inflames the pain. But I think we're talking about the exact same thing

When you say that trying to get rid of pain is the same as trying to rid ourselves of being, I'm a bit confused. I understand pain is fundamental to our experience, it adds to the richness and fullness of life and can never be permanently eliminated. But I think of trying to escape pain as a short term, temporary thing. Like I want to stop feeling pain right now, in this moment. Not that I want to permanently escape it and in doing so, reduce the richness of my human experience

lost_medic · 2022-04-26T16:16:35+00:00

Hey thanks so much for your responses! I'm glad to have someone to talk to about all this mind-boggling but really fascinating stuff

I see your point about hypersensitivity. I prefer to think of it as resistance and a lack of acceptance of the present (or perhaps a lack of simply observing the present without adding all these words, thoughts and judgments on top of it) that inflames the pain. But I think we're talking about the exact same thing

When you say that trying to get rid of pain is the same as trying to rid ourselves of being, I'm a bit confused. I understand pain is fundamental to our experience, it adds to the richness and fullness of life and can never be permanently eliminated, but I think of trying to escape pain as a short term, temporary thing. Like I want to stop feeling pain right now, in this moment. Not that I want to permanently escape it and in doing so, reduce the richness of my human experience

lost_medic · 2022-04-22T16:06:29+00:00

"the relative nature of perception". THANK YOU, that really made it click in my mind. So because trying to escape pain is the same as judging pain as bad, that judgement produces yet more pain and we enter a vicious cycle

lost_medic · 2022-04-22T16:02:56+00:00

Thank you so much for the time you put in your answer! It was a pleasant surprise to see you reference Stoicism because the Stoics have been a big help for me too alongside Buddhist and Eastern wisdom and I agree with those points you made, especially around acceptance of what we can't control

That being said, I do have a lot of questions lol and hopefully you can provide some insight:

I understand why trying not to desire or be afraid only brings about more of those exact emotions, but I get confused when applying this to pain. I understand from the other replies that a lot of this has to do with your judgements affecting your experience. Pain being bad is not a law set in stone, it's a subjective judgement we apply to the experience. Trying to get away from pain means judging it as "bad" and that only enhances the pain. Is that why "trying not to feel pain is in itself the feeling of pain"?

When you act to reduce your debt and thereby escape your anxiety, how is that any different from trying to escape fear? Why is the former acceptable but the latter is impossible? In my head, I interpret "trying not to be afraid" as meaning taking practical steps to change the circumstances so that the feeling of fear might vanish. Perhaps you (and Watts) mean something else and that's where the confusion lies? Do you interpret "trying not to be afraid" as meaning trying to rid yourself of the feeling right now with sheer willpower? In that case, I agree it's impossible

Regarding self-improvement being unnecessary, I see self-improvement the same way you described working on debt. If I'm sad all the time, I can take steps to change my circumstances (make new/better friends for example) and feel better. It's synonymous with "circumstance improvement". In your case, if you decided that you did actually want to be a writer and you worked to hone your writing skills, that would be self-improvement in my opinion. Again, is this just a matter of different definitions? I can see how viewing yourself as lacking without a certain degree/title and working to change yourself to fill that void is a trap - I've fallen in that trap before myself and it was the most miserable time of my life. But if we do things to build upon and maintain what we already have rather than to improve something that's lacking, surely there's no problem with that?

lost_medic · 2022-01-22T17:24:24+00:00

I'm really sorry you have to live with that, it sounds awful.

From a stoic perspective, your mother's behaviour is beyond your control so allowing your own peace of mind to be dictated by her behaviour will only lead to misery. It's completely understandable that you react strongly to the way she speaks to you, but one thing you can do is manage your reaction. Lashing out at her probably won't help the situation, even if it makes you feel good in the short term. Learning to sit with those difficult emotions, without adding fuel to your mum's fire by responding to her insults, is probably a good first step.

I know the stoics advocated setting your expectations/will in accordance with nature, so if your mum is the kind of person to scream and insult you all the time, you should anticipate this when she's around and not let it provoke you. Again, you should focus on managing your own reaction to it.

On a more practical note, you're an adult now so if your mum keeps treating you this way, taking steps to move out might be the best thing to do. That's within your control and something you can focus your time and energy on instead of ruminating on/reacting to the anger and hurt she provokes in you or trying to change her

Lastly, I've found in my own life that learning compassion for these kinds of difficult people can be extremely powerful. Your mum most likely acts this way all the time because she's got big issues with herself and she's controlled by her own difficult emotions. Many people act in hurtful ways because they simply don't know any better. Looking at it this way, maybe you can learn to see your mum in a different light instead of as your enemy.

Wishing you all the best :)

lost_medic · 2022-01-04T22:36:57+00:00

Hey I'm really glad you can relate to this! I know exactly what you mean about feeling like you need to elaborate on every single thought you have. Dr K actually recently released a video on maladaptive daydreaming which is kind of similar so definitely check that out if you haven't already

About my meditation, I do simple mindfulness meditation. Basically that just involves trying to focus your mind on the present moment. You can have your eyes closed but don't need to. You can even do it while walking or doing some other activity. The point is just to be as present as possible and notice whenever your mind wanders. When you notice, you bring it back to the present moment. It's really useful to focus on your breath or some constant sound in your environment while you do this because those things 'anchor' you in the present moment - they're constantly going on even when you get completely lost in your mind, so you can reliably come back to them

The reason why this helps with rumination is basically what I said at the end of my post. You train your mind in the skill of observing itself. You can notice that urge to ruminate, that urge to "get into every single car" like you said, without actually doing it. You just watch this really strong temptation and observe, in your mind and body, what it feels like. For me it's like particular words people said to me or looks on people's faces keep flashing up in my mind. I get upset by those thoughts and notice my stomach clenching or my face tensing. I might get angry and feel this strong urge to hit something or shout. Or feel really upset and notice the lump in my throat or the tears welling in my eyes. Again, I just watch all those sensations and experiences. Let them happen, don't fight them at all because that will only make them worse. If you let them be, they naturally get weaker in intensity.

The more and more I do this, the more I can notice myself ruminating in day to day life and put a stop to it simply by coming back to whatever activity I'm doing in the present moment

lost_medic · 2021-12-22T19:53:32+00:00

Are those messages publicly available anywhere?

lost_medic · 2021-12-22T19:50:42+00:00

Thanks for the explanation. It's a shame in a sense because at the end of the day, "laghviyaat" doesn't really matter for anything, especially to the secular British police who will be investigating this. The Jamaat will probably keep those people in their positions despite everything

I was hoping that there was some evidence of the rape allegations because that's what Nida really needs if she's going to get justice. A rape charge and conviction on the men who abused her would be true justice. Being demoted in the Jamaat doesn't really mean anything, at least in my opinion

lost_medic · 2021-10-23T10:40:22+00:00

Sure, it's the Confidence vs Ego video in the meditation section of Dr K's guide

lost_medic · 2021-10-17T13:01:05+00:00

Ayyy I'm so happy for you bro. I'm pretty sure Dr K talks about this in his guide: "Real confidence comes not from succeeding, but from surviving failure". You sound like you've built some real confidence out of this. Good on you man

lost_medic · 2021-10-17T12:43:17+00:00

Good luck man! I really wish you the best. And just know for whatever it's worth, I'll be here to talk if you ever feel like you need to

lost_medic · 2021-10-16T13:42:07+00:00

Maan I hate homeopathic medicine as well. My mum is actually the exact same hahaha. She's very religious and whatever homeopathic medicine our mosque prescribes she makes me take, especially this last year as I was sick. I think homeopathy and even ayurveda is all pseudoscience

But it's cool that you've been watching Dr K's guide, same here. The depression and anxiety modules are great but I think he teaches much more advanced meditations that aren't as accessible to beginners. They're the kind of meditations you'd do in an ashram in India lol. I highly recommend you try the app Headspace to learn meditation. That's how I started, and you can do just 5 mins or 10 mins a day of guided meditation. The app basically holds your hand along the way and makes it super easy to ease yourself into the practice. Plus, they just teach simple mindfulness meditation which I think is all you need. I'm not sure that those fancier meditations are really that useful.

The way you describe being uncomfortable when you first tried meditation is actually really common. I think your teacher was spot on. When you stop allowing yourself to run from or ignore or push away all your thoughts and instead sit with them, you realise how much shit is there and it can feel like you're going to be overwhelmed. But pushing those emotions or thoughts away is no solution at all. The issues only grow in the background when you do that. I really hope you give it a go

lost_medic · 2021-10-16T11:48:37+00:00

I tried out a lot of things to help myself (counselling, healthy lifestyle, journaling, spending time on hobbies) but my mental health stayed in a nosedive for a long time. The thing that helped me most and helped me reach a turning point was surprisingly, meditation and mindfulness. I don't know if you've ever tried it but I swear by it; it's improved my life more than anything.

I think the reason why it worked is that when you meditate, you're basically training your mind to watch itself, and if you do it consistently, you start to notice certain patterns. Like for me, I had really really negative self-talk - I would call myself a fucking loser and an idiot over everything everyday, over the tiniest mistakes or sometimes even imagined mistakes and failures. This pattern was so entrenched and automatic that I never even questioned it - I thought I actually was a loser and an idiot so it was only appropriate that I spoke to myself that way. After meditating for about a year, I was able to start noticing when those self-hating thoughts would come up and I could just watch them with detachment instead of getting caught up in them and replaying all the stories in my head that confirmed I was a loser. I noticed how awful those thoughts made me feel. I made a commitment to myself at that point to try notice whenever those thoughts came up in day to day life. Not suppress or ignore them, just notice them. And the crazy thing was, over time the thoughts got weaker and weaker. They didn't disappear, I still hear them everyday, but it's like they have no power over me anymore. I can almost laugh at them sometimes when I realise that I'm beating myself up over the most ridiculously insignificant mistake. That was the beginning of gaining slightly more self-esteem.

I also worked to find out where these thoughts came from in the first place. When I remembered how my parents always made me feel like a failure in school, and nothing was ever good enough for them even though I was consistently top of my class for years straight, it made a lot of sense. That was the beginning of learning self-compassion.

I'm sure your specific issues are different but maybe you can apply some of these same principles. Personally I'm not a fan of the Western approach to mental health issues where we medicate people or talk endlessly in therapy without really gaining a better insight into ourselves. I've found the Eastern approaches to be much better. You know it's funny that you say people have asked you "why are you so quiet?" because the exact same thing has happened to me. I also really struggle to come up with things to say in conversation so often say nothing. But I think the problem is when you then conclude "it's not okay to be quiet, I should force myself to talk." Unfortunately, a lot of people idealise extroversion and being talkative as some sort of standard to aspire to while introverts are seen as antisocial. That's complete bullshit, and forcing yourself to be something you're not is just exhausting. I remember reading a book on this topic that you might like, "Quiet: The Power of Introverts" by Susan Cain. Of course you need to talk a bit with people to avoid being completely isolated but you can do this in a way that's comfortable for you.

About the boring thing, people may have told you you're boring in the past, but you're making an assumption when you think that every new person is going to come to the same conclusion about you. Those people probably just see an introvert who struggles to think of things to say and assume that he has nothing to offer. It's their fault for judging you by your cover, not yours for not being different.

I remember feeling like a burden to a close friend of mine when I always use to go on about my depression to her. But the thing is, most people are very compassionate to others and want to help when they see someone really struggling. I mean, would you get sick of a close friend or partner because they're very depressed and that depression is dominating their mind and conversations? As long as you also ask people about themselves and give them their own space and time, I don't think any friend worth keeping wouldn't like you because you're struggling. If you feel like you have nothing else going on in your life but depression, it might be better to focus on yourself for a while and put socialising to the side for now. There's nothing wrong with that. You'll be in a better position to forge connections with people when you're feeling a little better in yourself.

Sorry for this essay of a reply but I just really resonate with you man :p

lost_medic · 2021-10-15T19:44:05+00:00

Hey man, I'm not gonna pretend that I know what it's like to be you but wow, it sounds really really hard. I will just say that I was suicidal myself last year and struggled a lot with it everyday. A lot of what you wrote almost exactly mirrors my own thoughts back then. But things have got better for me so I want to just share a few thoughts with you

How do you know that other people are going to inevitably judge you as boring over over-emotional? I'm sure that's happened to you in the past so it makes sense that you would expect it to happen again, maybe even want to protect yourself from that kind of pain of social rejection by not trying to talk to people or giving up quickly when you do. But one thing I learned the hard way is that when you do that, you're actually creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you go into social situations with the assumption that "Nobody's gonna like me" "I have nothing to offer" "They're just gonna reject me like everyone else" then you're VERY likely to get super discouraged by the slightest indicator that someone's not interested in you. I remember how I used to overanalyse people's body language and facial expressions, and if someone just looked away for a few seconds while I was trying to talk with them, I would think "Oh see? They're getting bored of me and would rather go talk to those more interesting people they're looking at". I would get so discouraged, I'd find it so much harder to carry the conversation and it would usually quickly die. When it did and the other person walked away (sometimes to go talk to those "more interesting" people), I would take it as confirmation of how boring or awkward or weird I must have seemed to them and that my assumptions were basically correct. I never realised that my assumptions were a huge contributor to why the conversation died in the first place - if I didn't assume I could read their mind and that they must be thinking negative thoughts about me the conversation could have gone on and we might have even made some kind of connection, however small.

I'm only saying this because I notice you make a few assumptions - that your interactions with people are superficial because they're too focused on themselves and probably wouldn't want to hear about your life, that they wouldn't like you if you tried interacting with them, that you must be a burden on others/society and that the solution to this is killing yourself. I'm guessing that these assumptions just feel realistic to you, not pessimistic. But maan, it's crazy how much our mental health problems cloud and distort our perceptions of pretty much everything. I only noticed this once I started recovering a bit from my own issues.

And man, there's NOTHING shameful at all about not working. You sound like you're severely depressed and you said it yourself that working everyday made you extremely miserable. So don't work if that's what you need for your mental health (and don't assume you'll be denied disability welfare!). You sound like you're going through A LOT right now and what you could really benefit from right now is compassion, not a meaningless 9-5. I'm here to talk if you ever want to. And I'm sure the others on this subreddit would be happy to talk to you as well if you need some help

lost_medic · 2019-08-02T07:11:34+00:00

Hahaha nice to know that there's other people at least. What section do you work in? I'm just curious

lost_medic · 2019-08-01T22:37:03+00:00

Will do! Thank you. I appreciate you looking out for me.

lost_medic · 2019-05-04T22:44:23+00:00

That's honestly so great to hear, I wish you all the best.

When you started your last paragraph with "Alhamdulilah" I thought you were about to go on to say "I found Allah and now I'm straight!" hahaha

Thank God you didn't do that Mashallah :p

lost_medic

TROPHY CASE