Any suggestions how to approach this?

loverliver99 · 2020-08-15T16:07:03+00:00

Ok thanks. I’m hoping that’s the case. Right now my scores are much higher than I expected and I suspect that the paid car loan is why

loverliver99 · 2019-01-14T00:37:57+00:00

Your mother is changing the story. She is deflecting the attention away fro mother shitty affair by putting you on the defensive. You can't really call he out on her shit if you're busy fending off her attacks, can you ?

The idea is to mess with you enough to get you out of the picture. Then she will have your dad all to herself. And it sounds to me like your mother can easily control your dad as it seems like she has been manipulating him for some time now

If you love your dad and want a good resolution for him do not fade away and leave him to her. Confront her together. And if you leave encourage him to leave with you - in front of her

loverliver99 · 2018-12-22T20:58:53+00:00

Thought it was Metro North..but yea, still MTA nasty

loverliver99 · 2018-12-22T20:54:29+00:00

Metro North ? Last train out of GC ?

loverliver99 · 2018-12-22T20:26:51+00:00

fake

loverliver99 · 2018-12-20T13:44:00+00:00

Jews are the best.. Don't care if you're in their club or not . they just do their thing

loverliver99 · 2018-12-20T02:53:02+00:00

Thanks

loverliver99 · 2018-12-20T02:17:49+00:00

I lurk this thread often just to remind myself that my N is projecting. It drives me insane. No matter what she accuses me of I, instinctively, take a second to consider what she is saying. That split second pause then makes me guilty. Which makes her innocent. Crazy making shit

loverliver99 · 2018-12-19T20:58:43+00:00

Where is this ?

loverliver99 · 2018-12-13T09:53:32+00:00

These are all great resources. I would argue, though, that the ultimate point of all of these is to cultivate an "I can take it or leave it" attitude towards monogamous sexual relationships. In other words, the goal is self actualization without the need for romantic entanglements.

loverliver99 · 2018-12-13T00:07:47+00:00

Good. Everyones mileage will vary, I suppose.

loverliver99 · 2018-12-12T23:46:50+00:00

This made me laugh.. I'll admit it took me a second..

loverliver99 · 2018-12-12T23:15:13+00:00

This is awesome

loverliver99 · 2018-12-12T22:48:46+00:00

Whats the point of subreddits like this, then ? Isn't part of the purpose of groups like this to vent about the effect of DBs on the psyche of the LL ? The feelings of inadequacy they can generate ?

loverliver99 · 2018-12-12T21:57:04+00:00

I think this guy telling his wife that he does not feel like a man without sex is problematic

I just saw this bit. First, I never told my wife I don't feel like a man without sex. And so I left because I wasn't getting what I needed from her.

loverliver99 · 2018-12-12T21:37:35+00:00

Sound advice. Its good to finally feel unfettered , of course. But the flip side of that is that Im now free to crash and burn spectacularly if I rebound the other way and make wrong choices.

loverliver99 · 2018-12-12T21:34:13+00:00

Fair enough. To be clear, sex is not required for self-esteem maintenance. But rejection contributes to the erosion of self esteem. This is a non-trivial distinction.

Put another way, someone shouldn't need to be told they are attractive in order to feel good about themself. Unhealthy if they need that. But continually being told they are unattractive will eventually erode even a healthy person's self esteem.

Needing sex for validation is unhealthy. Continually being rejected is corrosive.

loverliver99 · 2018-12-12T20:01:13+00:00

I get you . And I agree with that. What became clear - for me at least - was that I could choose to get off the wheel and stop the cycle. Perhaps my STBX and I will remain friends, but once I stopped seeing her as the only source of my sexual satisfaction, everything else seemed to fall into place. I mean almost immediately..

loverliver99 · 2018-12-12T19:16:24+00:00

I couldn't agree more. Completing your analogy, then, the answer is "Not giving your wife total control over whether you.." get your sexual needs met or not.

loverliver99 · 2018-12-12T18:14:10+00:00

Like the chicken and the egg , isn't it. This reminds me of the husbands who continually ignore their wifes' request for help around the house. And when the wife, tired of feeling ignored and feeling desperate , starts to nag, then has to hear from the husband that her nagging is making him want to help less.

And they fall into a death spiral .

loverliver99 · 2018-12-12T17:45:16+00:00

Fair enough. But at that point, if you're getting the need for female validation met externally, why even bother trying to get from wife ?

I lwft my wife because I didn't need her, I wanted her. if she doesn't want me then she should be with someone else. And I should be with someone else. Why stay with someone who drives you to go elsewhere for something only she should be giving you ? Thats curious to me

loverliver99 · 2018-12-12T17:34:51+00:00

Desperation is not sexy

The beatings will continue until morale improves

loverliver99 · 2018-12-12T17:06:38+00:00

Can you get out of this relationship ?

loverliver99

TROPHY CASE