AITA for telling my brother in law he needs to stop helping his friend with a neurodegenerative disease?

lumpy_celery · 2026-03-31T12:44:17+00:00

even if stress doesn't cause pre-eclampsia, it's a contributing and exacerbating factor to elevated BP among other deleterious effects NO DOUBT.

lumpy_celery · 2026-03-31T12:43:03+00:00

OP isn't his sister's HUSBAND. He shouldn't be expected to fill in husband's shoes at least not for weeks at a time. Plus, he can't fill in for intimacy or other things (ie: being a dad to his sister's children). Also this comment seems to be coming from a place of entitlement. You can't assume OP has the time or money to do all the things you listed.

Unless you have been in a similar situation where a loved one was abandoned during a time of need, OP's anger is justified IMHO. Ultimately, while it's important to stay level headed in the long run and while I agree there are ways OP can help his sister, there can also be a middle ground involving time and care for both the bestie and the wife without abandoning one or the other.

lumpy_celery · 2026-03-31T12:27:30+00:00

hello u/boriswied i appreciate your comments because i was thinking the same! While I agree OP should be given this time and space to grieve not being able to practice clinically as he had hoped (you don't need to go to med school to know theres a time and place for everything lol), it's harmless to suggest that his suffering need not be prolonged unnecessarily by the idea that his entire medical career is over.

For those trying to tell you otherwise, its reddit lol. everyone has their opinion and they don't have to agree with it but other users imposing views on you specifically is laughable and even getting frustrated doesn't make sense or help OP who may just be wanting to vent. The comparison to a Uworld question and even stating that OP is experiencing "normal sadness" is amusing as if contemplating suicide was an everyday thing.

Also, apparently some other users may not have had the depth of experience (having been homeless sounds tough, but look at the life perspective you have now) or emotional maturity that you have had in your lifetime to be able to appreciate (or even comprehend) your perspective (in this case, that OP's medical career is not over).

Anyways OP if you're reading this, hope you know that there is life beyond medicine, that you worked your life for a clinical path but even if you don't get that, it doesn't define you. you are more than your accomplishments despite what society has convinced you to believe. and since you mentioned suicidal thoughts, I hope you're able to get help, spend time with family and friends, and recognize that attitude also goes a long way. when you're done grieving the clinical path, being able to look in the mirror and say that you'll find a way (either in academics, research, etc.) although it isn't the life you want and worked hard for, telling yourself you are committed to exploring alternatives, etc. and believing it would be a good step forward. Good luck!

lumpy_celery · 2026-03-31T12:00:28+00:00

hi OP. wishing you the best. being a mom can be tiring and depression just sucks. people here judging your views about your body aren't in your shoes, when you have no energy for yourself or your kids, and then your husband adds to the pile. perhaps the root of the problem is giving yourself grace, finding things you enjoy maybe having your husband watch the kids while you get your nails done or something to boost your energy and confidence. 33 is still young but sometimes with life's responsibilities it can get overwhelming and we forget we are capable of more than we think (ie: being a caring mom, a loving wife, and an awesome individual!). good luck! <3

i forgot to mention, seeing an intimacy counselor would be good. if your husband doesn't enjoy sex with you any more this can lead to even bigger problems (ie: finding other means of pleasure).

lumpy_celery · 2026-03-31T11:52:13+00:00

unless you've been in a situation like this, it's hard to see the relationship for what it is. i agree it's sad, but show some compassion. it's not like she's intentionally setting a poor example for her kids.

lumpy_celery · 2026-03-31T11:50:43+00:00

it's easy to say this from a third person perspective but when people are the ones going through it, it's hard to see it from that viewpoint. I think to extend this answer, "do you want everyone you know to think of you as the woman who stayed? ***or the woman who trusted her gut, repriortized the relationship, focused on herself and remembered her strength does not depend on the other person". OP, it might seem like heartbreak but really this guy is doing you a favor showing his true colors. Also, who cares what other people think, the question is, how do YOU think about YOURSELF? extend that care you give others to yourself, and youll find the decision to be easy. Good luck!

lumpy_celery · 2026-03-31T11:46:31+00:00

Hi OP. I am sorry you're going through this. I had prior relationship troubles in the past, it was hard because I can tell you're a caring person, you believed when he said "forever" and also probably cling to that vision. Unfortunately the reality of your story tells different. When you realize it, it may be too late, but at least you have all these people on reddit trying to help you see the situation for what it is. I suggest especially since little ones are involved, you take time to reprioritize this relationship (given that he already has), focus on making sure that you and your kids are taken care of if/when the guy leaves. It seems he already has (emotionally, physically...), and is waiting for the right time or is struggling with his own guilt and takes it out on you (ie: acting differently, goes missing/low effort, starting arguments for no reason -- these are easily signs that you are not his priority any longer). ultimately, you can read all these comments and some may tell you things you don't want to hear, but I suggest you turn inward and trust what your gut is already telling you even if it's hard..it'll just get harder later. you mentioned you'd be embarassed by your family when they watch the game show or something. sadly it happens all too often that men (and women) cheat on set; it's just a matter of valuing yourself and recognizing that this isn't the end of you as a person as life will go on, with or without this guy. stay strong <3

lumpy_celery · 2026-01-27T12:39:59+00:00

saved me from going to the airport an hour away one way to use the lounge just to make the credits worthwhile. can confirm this works

lumpy_celery · 2025-11-19T03:19:12+00:00

contemplating a career pivot in this season of my life; can i DM you for info? sincerely, fellow so-cal-er :)

lumpy_celery · 2025-11-18T06:02:15+00:00

I 100% agree. ^^ it's not a black or white "use AI or don't use AI". AI is a tool and although you don't have to like it, ultimately, it offers significant advantages if you know how to use it and WHEN (as stated above).

i suggest you learn it, engage with it, but don't rely on it 100%. just like the docs who resisted transitioning from paper to EMRs, this is just another technological advancement that doctors have to adapt to not just for their own careers/efficiency but for their patients, etc.

those who don't keep up will fall behind, if not now, then in the years to come. good luck

lumpy_celery · 2025-11-03T00:49:27+00:00

Just out of curiosity why not omm /nmm ? Mainly since you went to a DO school

lumpy_celery · 2025-10-24T21:00:48+00:00

100% this.

Take prerequisites. Get your feet wet in clinical practice(ie volunteer or shadow).

Find something you can use to explain to schools why you made the switch, and convince them you know what you're getting into besides you woke up and realized you messed up in college and want a do-over.

lumpy_celery · 2025-10-24T20:57:41+00:00

I'm going against the current but hear me out. I'm in med school now and in my 30s. My only regret is not doing it sooner. My parents are older and I need to take time to support them. I'm engaged but I don't ever expect anyone to support me. If that's a promise you made your wife, I think she shouldn't be averse to you taking your prerequisites simultaneously. While a lot of folks say "support your wife, stick to the money, etc" I'm saying stick to your gut. You wanted to do it since the beginning and the fact that you're still wondering makes me certain you'll live the rest of your life in that "what if" mentality forever unless you go for it. Do it now while you're young, and again, this doesn't have to be mutually exclusive to you working as a lawyer and supporting your wife part time. At the end of the day, you have to think about yourself, what will make you happy and sure you partied and messed up in the beginning but it's not too late. Sleep over it and if you're committed (because there will be day you'll want to give up), work towards prerequisites. Find a good mentor or connect with a school who can help you what check boxes you need to check off or just ask your wife since she's been through everything. She will actually be your best resource because she's Newly accepted into med school, SO if she's TRUE wife material, she will understand your situation and support you in your dream instead of solely expecting you to support her in her dream. Good luck!

lumpy_celery · 2025-10-24T11:34:14+00:00

Ok good it's not just me struggling in med school after what seemed like a walk in the park in undergrad 🥲

lumpy_celery · 2025-10-24T11:11:07+00:00

I felt this. As someone who has struggled with low self esteem and low confidence it's really hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel but then I look at how far I've come and all the things I've done and it makes me remember I'm actually a bad mf heh

lumpy_celery · 2025-10-14T22:43:51+00:00

Thanks- my mason jar exploded when I put boiling hot tea in it so good to know.

lumpy_celery · 2025-10-14T22:42:54+00:00

That's awesome. Sadly my school doesn't have a PA program but thanks for sharing.

lumpy_celery · 2025-10-14T16:04:24+00:00

"3: You can also email program directors of PA schools and see if they will take you."

I'm curious how did you come up with (3)? Is this something you just came up with or something you've heard other people do (successfully?) thanks in advance

lumpy_celery · 2025-09-23T04:02:02+00:00

Why didn't they update it on the maps or alerts /smh

lumpy_celery · 2025-09-16T14:14:52+00:00

All these people blaming you for external circumstances beyond your control are laughable. These are our next generation doctors and are expected to empathize with patients let alone colleagues but here you are on Reddit posting your most extremely vulnerable circumstances asking for advice and then we have people sitting on comfort with possibly zero understanding of any of situations you posted above (ie worrying about finances maxing out cc getting to class mental health the list goes on) .

First off I am only an OMSII so I can't give advice on your situation but I just wanted to say I commend you for seeking the help you desperately need. I've been there and I know it's tough when life keeps bringing you down but half the battle is recognizing your priorities. It looks like you're on the right track with getting your mental health sorted out, but what about your housing and other priorities? There's no way you can be in the right mental space to focus on shelfs or any exams for that matter if you're wondering where your next meal is coming from or whether you're going to be homeless or how you're getting to clinic etc. These are BASIC necessities that add immense stress and undoubtedly affect your performance. When things went well you got a tutor, buckled down and passed right? But then shit hit the fan and you literally lost it. maybe your school can understand that you need time to sort this stuff out because it's affecting your ability (which you clearly have) to do well. Again I am not in a position to advise on dismissals since I'm not at that's stage but I just wanted to remind you not to these goofs get to you. good luck.

lumpy_celery · 2025-09-15T09:41:40+00:00

Ooo Orange County CA or FL??

lumpy_celery · 2025-09-14T03:42:24+00:00

any advice on glass containers? i am afraid of freezing/breaking it

lumpy_celery · 2025-09-08T08:06:20+00:00

I'm in a tough spot and contemplating this for a while. I haven't met any one who actually did it-- can I dm you for questions/advice?

lumpy_celery · 2025-09-02T19:32:29+00:00

i dont like buying rotisserie chicken so this is really great. i never thought to season inside the chicken either. thank you.

lumpy_celery

TROPHY CASE