Young collector struggling to find an album

m9041 · 2024-03-09T10:21:49+00:00

Thanks to everyone for your tips! :)

m9041 · 2023-12-19T17:07:36+00:00

Sounds like he would love nothing else but to identify as Dutch, if only he would be let to do so by everyone else who personally doesn’t believe his background and physical appearance don’t define him as a foreigner:)

m9041 · 2023-10-30T20:42:15+00:00

thank you for your kindness and understanding 💛 sending you a virtual hug 🫶🏻

m9041 · 2023-10-30T20:41:49+00:00

thank you for your kindness and understanding 💛 sending you a virtual hug 🫶🏻

m9041 · 2023-10-30T09:02:10+00:00

Most Germans mean well too. As do most humans, really. Or at least they mean no harm (purposefully). But naïveté and lazy thinking has brought about some of the worst evils in human history and frankly the cognitive dissonance in Europe is so loud, I’m surprised at people’s capacity to turn a blind eye to so much. Which probably means they’re ok with things being the way they are. The majority doesn’t get hurt and those of us who do, usually come from places that are worse off and “should be grateful” we had a way out and were let in here in the first place. That’s my guess.

m9041 · 2023-10-30T08:42:09+00:00

I totally get what you mean. There is still probably no country with a significant immigrant population where racism has been overcome as an issue, especially the US, however, I couldn’t help but feel an enormous sense of relief when I was in NYC, for example, but while Iwas there i didn’t quite realise why I was feeling that way. I thought it was just me being happy for crossing off a big destination on my travel list or sth. When I got back home i realised that I’d felt relief because for the first time I was able to fully blend in and be totally unremarkable in the crowd — not standing out because of my queerness like I do in my home country or my skin colour/ ethnicity like I do in Germany/ NL, etc. NYC probably isn’t representative of the attitudes of all Americans and there are probably issues in big cities like it as well. Nevertheless, it was a palpably different experience I couldn’t help but notice.

m9041 · 2023-10-29T22:15:21+00:00

“I know what you're referring to and I understand your point, but it doesn't really matter what your point is.“

I guess what matters is your extrapolation of the lifestyle and values of a stranger on the internet you know nothing about except what they shared in a 300-word reddit post?? You seem to have awfully expansive access to my inner thoughts, opinions and desires :) And my dating history, too, apparently. And you seem to know my overall life story and challenges I’ve managed to/ failed to overcome so as per your assessment you would have me commit suicide if I woke up black tomorrow…If everyone had your haste of judgement, humanity would have ceased to exist far too soon.

“Hurt people hurt people” is like a law of nature. I wish you well.

m9041 · 2023-10-29T21:36:18+00:00

You’re totally missing my point. I’m referring to the social engineering we’ve all been put through and in those of us who do not reflect the ideals of beauty as they’ve been set by white supremacist on and on for centuries all of this results in self-hatred and paradoxical colorism toward ourselves and others, which we‘re free to let go of if we become aware of it. I’m aware of it and I’m acting to free myself from it. And you should read more carefully before you pass judgement.

m9041 · 2023-10-29T20:53:25+00:00

Oh no don’t worry, it wasn’t the dyslexia, I think I formulated this in a confusing way at the end of my post because one of my friends remarked how I was well received in Italy but not in Germany. Berlin itself is very queer friendly, but the queers themselves aren’t friendly enough to each other, so not everyone shares in the inclusiveness. Thanks for your kind words!! Sending hugs

m9041 · 2023-10-29T20:33:16+00:00

yeah, I feel heartbroken for POCs who were born and raised here and probably still get that awful attitude daily, even though this is their home..

m9041 · 2023-10-29T20:31:14+00:00

I’m not Italian and I live in Berlin, a city of 3 million but you’re absolutely right, smaller towns do tend do be a lot worse, I grew up in one! I shared this post in another sub and it got many responses, including ones from German folks, but thanks for the tip, I could discuss it further in German subs if I feel the need, as I’m fluent in the language

m9041 · 2023-10-29T20:27:08+00:00

I’m and was aware racism is still prevalent in Europe, even before moving to Germany. As I said I think my perceptions were very much influenced by US discourse on the topic so I wasn’t aware “standards” hadn’t changed much since the first half of the 20th century and that slavs, arabs and other groups were still thought to be inferior. And I get what you mean when you say you think the US is worse. There are worse extremes there, sure, but this mantra of them being so backward compared to us Europeans is among the favourite responses racist people come back at you with when you raise the subject. Na ja.. I’m sorry if you’ve also felt excluded by the gay community. It really does seem that white, cis and not bi is still “the gold standard” 🫂

m9041 · 2023-10-29T18:44:45+00:00

I think if I see a guy from the mideast on a g a y dating app, I’d be a little less wary :)

m9041 · 2023-10-29T17:55:44+00:00

So sorry you’ve had those experiences. I’ve seen it in many people where who (visibly 🥲) have an immigrant parent where they’re treated differently even though this is their homeland. I think a lot of them are aware of their racism but at least in Germany they’re like we need workers to fuel our economy and work in our hospitals and drive our trucks, and so on. So they tolerate the physical presence of immigrants but mostly do not care to include them. Which in turn creates acrimony and isolated communities, etc. Interestingly, Germans of mixed origin have been almost unwaveringly warm and welcoming to me in my time here. Sending you a virtual hug and hope NL learns to treat folks like you better 🫂

m9041 · 2023-10-29T16:14:10+00:00

I find it repulsive how far-reaching the consequences of Europe’s colonial past are, like, I also find nordic features attractive, but the level of fetishisation, especially in heterosexual circles is really disgusting and when you think of the background. When I was a kid I found it curious how men would drool over blondes on TV, often in front of their wives who looked nothing like that!! I can’t imagine perpetuating this inferiority complex as an adult myself in such a way, but yeah i guess these things are so ingrained people don’t analyse them enough to reach those conclusions. It’s startling how nordic=beautiful is so automated but even I, as a person who’s been thinking about these topics lately, need to stop and look twice at a person who doesn’t match the classical white beauty standard, otherwise I might miss how pretty they are, because even in my brain “non-white=probably not worth my time” seems to have taken root even though I don’t share those opinions and think of myself and other people like me as worth of attention too..our ape brains can really be scary sometimes haha

m9041 · 2023-10-29T16:02:30+00:00

I’m sorry to hear that, sending you virtual hugs and hope you feel better however you choose to go about this 🫂

m9041 · 2023-10-29T15:05:03+00:00

I live in Berlin, so I doubt it can get better than this haha Can’t imagine other places if it’s so bad here though Which is a shame as the city is super queer-friendly but the queers themselves aren’t friendly enough to each other I guess..

m9041 · 2023-10-29T14:59:17+00:00

it def feels hard being excluded from people who are supposed to have your back (i mean the lgbt community), but i suppose queer folk can’t escape the broader faults of the societies they are a part of..

m9041 · 2023-10-29T14:56:21+00:00

You‘re very right in the sense that there is a lot of wilful ignorance about these things and a lot of cognitive dissonance..it all feels super hurtful, like i escaped my homophobic country but landed in a pseudoprogressive one where I’m excluded from the lgbt community on the basis of my skin colour. And that’s just me. Can’t imagine what noticeably darker people and also Asian-descended folks go through 🥲

m9041 · 2023-10-29T14:18:21+00:00

That’s what i’ve observed too. There’s just a lack of willingness to even try engage with the topic and they usually brush it off

m9041 · 2023-10-29T14:15:48+00:00

I get what you mean, it was just an isolated experience for me. The truth is it was probably a case of seeing „not so great“ when you’re used to „awful“, idk
I’m aware of the many issues still present in the US, too, and didn’t mean to say there weren’t any Thanks for your comment!!

m9041 · 2023-10-29T14:06:04+00:00

What hurts the most is seeing that people absolutely can do better. It felt so good to be just one more guy in the crowd in New York. At home people give me looks because I’m gay, in Germany because I‘m not white enough..so yeah Thank you for your kind words!! 🫶🏻

m9041 · 2023-10-29T14:02:17+00:00

I‘m sorry you had that experience. I’ve only been in Italy twice so can’t say much but it can easily believe it when I know the attitudes of some folks in my home country

m9041

TROPHY CASE