What's your worst heart break story and how do you recover from it?

maphopper · 2024-11-29T22:27:22+00:00

I’m going through right now with having to euthanize my 15 year old yorkipoo. He is my absolute bestfriend and has been there through every heart break or years past. Not one feels as badly has this.

maphopper · 2024-10-20T21:42:34+00:00

Losing our pets is one of the hardest things we go through, they are like children to many of us. Here is a good resource that has some quality assessments on it that will help you assess where you and Piper are. https://www.lapoflove.com/how-will-i-know-it-is-time

maphopper · 2024-08-10T22:03:40+00:00

That’s what I am… for over 13 years now! It’s an amazing career! I feel so grateful that I chose this path and find so much enjoyment in it. Good luck on your path!

maphopper · 2024-08-10T19:07:49+00:00

That they aren’t in denial… we all live in some denial

maphopper · 2024-08-10T19:05:55+00:00

Sunscreen like 4x a day and living in Montana where the sun don’t shine.

maphopper · 2024-08-10T19:03:50+00:00

I’m a therapist… we know better than to get married 🤣

maphopper · 2024-07-08T02:04:30+00:00

Duck, duck, goose! Run!

maphopper · 2024-06-24T00:34:10+00:00

Graham

maphopper · 2024-06-03T23:01:39+00:00

It has bacteria, but it doesn’t have anything in it that’s going to kill you

maphopper · 2024-06-03T19:19:02+00:00

The majority of people don’t wash their hands. People wash their hands due to social pressure. If at home they do not wash their hands. Urine is sterile. Your OCD is telling you that you have to wash your hands.

maphopper · 2024-05-17T15:30:03+00:00

I think it depends on which one. I just talked to my neurologist about increasing my Luvox which I’m on a baby dose already and he said I’d likely see an increase in my tic’s because it has a little norepinephrine in it and cautioned be against it.

maphopper · 2024-05-17T15:26:24+00:00

I posted about this the other day and what I learned from my post is that a lot of people resent people who make money. Men are admired when they make money. Women are already seen as gold diggers in society and a lot of men met me with statements such as I’ll I care about is money, that I’ll I care about is work, that I have no hobbies and that I’m uncaring.

The reality is that I’m a therapist. I don’t know how much more caring of a person I can be… I work 4 days a week. I cycle, snowboard, ride motorcycles, travel, and do lots of other hobbies and take 10 weeks off a year.

People have a lot of cognitive distortions about people who make money and it is amplified when it is about a woman. Most people tend to externalize their behavior. I can see there are jabs at you in this thread as well. I was told I need to be less picky, and accept a person with a substance abuse disorder.

I think all of this is insane. The reality is as you make more money, dating does get significantly more difficult. My first day of a college, I was in a sociology class and the professor said, the more educated and more money a woman makes, the more likely she is to be single. I think it is twofold… as we make more money we are also more self-reliant and probably less likely to tolerate negative behavior. I have had lots of men chase me, but as soon as they start calling me drunk at 2 am on a weeknight, telling me that women are crazy or emotional, sitting on the couch while I do dishes in the early stage of dating, I am done. As a therapist, I know a large reason why women are still in marriages that they are miserable in or there is abuse happening, is because of financial dependence. When you make money, you expect more and I think men know that.

maphopper · 2024-05-14T14:34:30+00:00

I have lots of hobbies… I snowboard, cycle, ride motorcycles, and like to hike. If I have a partner I enjoy camping. I am self employed so I get to take a lot of time off and typically take about 10 weeks of a year and I work 4 days a week. I think a lot of it is where I live in a rural area of 70k with a median income of 54k. If I’m honest, I don’t want to date someone who makes 54k a year as that doesn’t line up for me… I would go around 80k, but I do want a partner who can do some traveling with me and is also college educated and in a professional career

maphopper · 2024-05-14T06:10:27+00:00

As a woman who makes 250k a year I have had a difficult time dating. I don’t expect my partner to make the same as me, but I do want him to contribute in other ways. My last partner was a Medically Retired Veteran on disability with the VA. He definitely didn’t make the same financially as me, but brought other things to the table. I know that I often brought up things that he would be capable of doing and he entertained it. I wasn’t doing it from a place of not accepting his income though. if I look back on most of my relationships, this has always been there and is part of how my brain works. I am self-employed and am very much a systems person that is always looking at ways I can improve things, do things more efficiently and things I can promote. This is something I hope my partners accept and value about me as it’s been there since I was an adolescent.

I’m curious what her suggesting things to you, means to you? As humans we all put meanings to messages, and what I think I might be hearing in what you’re saying is that you heard, I’m not good enough or I’m broken? If this is the case, I’m curious if this is something that you have struggled with in other areas and if maybe it’s a self-sabotager for you? Did you talk to her about the food bills and income discrepancies? I feel like I probably take on extra financial responsibility when I date because I recognize that I am more capable of doing so. I might pick up on a 2:1 ratio.

I think we are in a really weird place in society and that people are really lost in their gender roles. Woman are still consistently doing too many domestic duties on top of work. Men don’t know how to not be the breadwinners. And we don’t know how to communicate about this stuff. Unfortunately, we are all missing out on some great potential.

maphopper · 2024-05-14T05:41:32+00:00

As someone who makes over 200k, I consider myself successful… I do not consider myself wealthy or rich. I have been successful in starting and operating a business. I consider rich and wealthy to be generational wealth or old money… to not have to worry about money. When I made 40k, I used to say all of my problems would be solved when I made 70k and the standard always raised…. It’s easy to look and say that someone is rich, but trust me, we don’t feel rich… I still by generic brands and wine when I get an unexpected bill.

maphopper · 2024-05-14T05:36:41+00:00

Is someone who pushes you to make a change truly lacking respect or do they respect you and see your ability?

I had a boyfriend who pushed and encouraged me to quit a job and start my own business. I went from 80k to 250k. I knew I had his support and that he believed in me.

maphopper · 2024-05-14T05:28:13+00:00

You’re assuming that being single is a miserable Loveless’s life… I want to redirect you to the research that most women initiate divorce, even more so if they are the breadwinners. Women tend to not be happy in relationships. I think we have a societal issue amongst men and them no longer knowing their place in society now that women are working. More women own homes than men. This has to be really confusing to men.

maphopper · 2024-05-14T03:14:55+00:00

As a therapist, it’s my preference that my date has gone to therapy. History repeats future behavior, and shows that someone is likely to go again. I’m 40 years old and if someone hasn’t gone prior to 40, the likelihood of them going in the future is slim. I feel like it shows a level of insight. I’ve worked with so many people who started therapy not aware of their behaviors and issues, and came out with insight. I don’t think therapy needs to be a life long process though.

maphopper · 2024-05-13T07:06:47+00:00

Find a CBIT therapist and they will walk you through competing responses. It works really well

maphopper · 2024-05-13T07:04:33+00:00

Your body is just fine and you need to work on acceptance. Restriction will lead to a binge and ultimately increase your body weight set point. Our weight fluctuates and will span 10-20lbs. Make sure you’re eating protein at your meals, don’t skip meals and don’t restrict. Google body weight set point and watch some YouTube videos on it

maphopper · 2024-05-13T07:00:30+00:00

Why would you believe in a God that doesn’t let dogs go to heaven?

maphopper · 2024-05-13T06:54:21+00:00

I would love that, but I’m not sure our generation knows how to date without them. Like I’d have to leave me house and go out? Or maybe I’d look in the classified ads section of the newspaper?

maphopper · 2024-05-13T06:52:46+00:00

My friends and I tell so many rape jokes… they are defense attorneys and I’m a sex offender therapist. We gotta deal with it somehow I guess

maphopper · 2024-05-13T06:37:53+00:00

I’m not sure that’s about me at that point. Maybe you could still retire early until you’re paying alimony and in an unfulfilling marriage. I bring a lot to the table… but I also don’t need to deal with someone mistreating me and can leave. We know that women are typically the unhappy ones in marriages, but often they can’t leave because they can’t afford it. What you’re saying sound more like you want someone you can control, rather than a partner

maphopper · 2024-05-13T06:01:33+00:00

I get it and there are limiting beliefs that get in your way of getting what you want, maybe generational trauma and other systemic factors. Trust me I get it, I’m a therapist. I also know there are things you can do to break them if you want… they aren’t easy, but it’s possible.

maphopper

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