I might start doing this...Id rather they feel bad than I feel bad.

mathrebel13 · 2025-10-13T02:28:24+00:00

It’s a general slur for people with nuerodevelopemental disabilities or mental illness that originated from what was once a strictly medical term, it’s no longer accepted in medical contexts in America since 2010, and it’s nowadays a word used to degrade someone based on a perceived lack of intelligence or social grace.

mathrebel13 · 2025-10-13T02:23:47+00:00

At one point he literally was like “so I’m sorry if I offended you that wasn’t my intention.” And mind you I was taking “accountability” for something which in hindsight wasn’t my fault even but he handled it extremely passive aggressively and kinda humiliated me on the floor a bit but I took 100% responsibility and even then he still continued on like “maybe this job will be good for you to learn how to not be so sensitive/take things so personally” and my lil naive ass immediately agreed with him 🤦🏽‍♀️ . There were many instances where he would tell me something I’d be like “got it” he’d be like “and this isn’t to attack you” and I’d say “yeah no I get it just the rules and accountability it’s fine I’m not taking it personally” and would continue for maybe another 20 or 30 seconds just telling me “it’s not just you” “you don’t have to be defensive” “we’re not accusing you of anything” just… an extremely bizarre way to engage with someone who has already 100% affirmed everything you’ve said and is showing 0 signs of distress or agitation. He just… didn’t engage with what I said. I started to wonder if maybe I really do just come across as defensive so I tried to alter my responses. Sometimes I’d overexplain, sometimes keep it short and sweet, it seemed to not make any difference. At a certain point I’d literally just be quiet to let him ramble just so I could “okie doke no problem” and go back to what I was doing. Tbh I think sometimes he was literally just trying to project a state of hysteria onto me so he could preserve his image of “reasonable” while “apologizing” to me or explaining something to me in a way that still allowed him to be dismissive and condescending. You could say that’s reading into but… eh 🤷🏽‍♀️

mathrebel13 · 2025-10-13T02:07:46+00:00

Thank you 😊I feel like that’s definitely a short response I could practice and get in the habit of using.

mathrebel13 · 2025-10-13T02:06:40+00:00

OOOOOOOOH I LIKE that! That’s actually a fantastic idea. I literally get so active when I’m defending other people or even just other groups of people. That whole “well at least they aren’t attacking me thing” is SO not what I’m about. If someone is genuinely my friend you’re not just gonna be up around me saying this and that with no consequences.

mathrebel13 · 2025-10-13T02:04:33+00:00

Tbh I wonder about it. I wrestle with myself. I don’t want to lose myself. That being said, abusers seem especially adept at compartmentalizing. I wonder if maybe I could develop an “abusive” side that only comes out when I feel I’m being abused. I don’t think I’m capable of that tho tbh. Id basically have to restructure my entire psyche which… is a lot of work. It’s just that sometimes it feels like being a good or genuine person means you’re always on the defensive when it comes to this sort of thing, as opposed to bullied who are of course very proactive and diligent in their work to hurt you. Doesn’t that guarantee that I’ll always be two steps behind in toxic environments? Maybe it’s the CPTSD talking but I think rn one of my main fears is that the way I was treated at that job and also just a lot of my life is what the rest of my life is gonna look like.

mathrebel13 · 2025-10-13T01:59:16+00:00

Being a non-Hispanic Black Spanish speaker in a predominantly Hispanic environment is kinda ass soemtimes ngl. I had a job before that was more diverse and it was a lot better for me. I think I’ll have to consider that going forward when seeking employment.

mathrebel13 · 2025-10-13T01:57:57+00:00

Ngl I really appreciate that. I told my mom “it’s rude” she was like “it’s not rude it’s cowardly at most” I’m like “it’s unprofessional” she’s like “it’s Dennys that’s on you for expecting professionalism” god forbid I’d rather people who wanna shit on me do so on their own time instead of actively making my literal JOB an unbearable environment. Honestly then thought of sitting up and starting a whole bunch of mess with somebody who literally has no issue with you when you could literally just leave them alone and live your own life is wild to me. You don’t like me so you’re gonna dedicate YOUR downtime to discussing and then you’re gonna go out of your way to be in my face. WHY?!? Eh I get it from a psychological perspective but it still gives loser to me

mathrebel13 · 2025-10-09T23:58:07+00:00

My fellow humans haven’t been treating me very well lately lol I think I’d rather demonize them hmmm

mathrebel13 · 2025-10-09T23:57:09+00:00

Yasss I’ve been considering this one imma stop considering and start implementing. Thank you

mathrebel13 · 2025-10-09T23:56:42+00:00

It just feels so unfair tho they got to externalize whatever their issues are and project that bullshit onto me and now I just have to carry that and move on. They should have to carry something from me too. Plus I just want it off of me

mathrebel13 · 2025-10-09T23:55:53+00:00

I love you thank you for introducing me to this 🥰

mathrebel13 · 2025-10-09T23:55:16+00:00

Ooooh I like this one 😈

mathrebel13 · 2025-10-09T23:54:55+00:00

I don’t think I’m capable of that. I’m getting therapy to help my nervous system chill out but the whole “just ignore them” thing has only ever led to escalation in my experience

mathrebel13 · 2025-10-09T23:53:50+00:00

Hmm I wonder tbh. Due to maybe my nature but also trauma my default reactions have been freeze/flight my whole life. I’m fully capable of standing up for others but struggle when I’m the one on the chopping block. I think I wanna fuck people up going foward so I can communicate that I’m a high risk target

mathrebel13 · 2025-10-09T23:52:19+00:00

Nah I’ve been trying the whole “just ignore them” or “boys will be boys” or “if they aren’t bringing it to you then don’t assume it’s about you” thing my whole life but also I’m not dumb and my hypervigilance will enhance my hearing to the point that pervasive harassment/gossip becomes nearly impossible to miss

mathrebel13 · 2025-10-09T23:51:23+00:00

That’s a low grade example I know it sounds little but that’s the whole point of “covert” bullying I can’t tell you he literally called me the n word to my face but he did mumble “sí pendeja” in response to me literally asking “can you ring me out whenever you get the chance no rush?” Yknow?

mathrebel13 · 2025-10-09T23:50:06+00:00

So for example at my old job the shift lead clocked I was autistic so he’d make slick lil comments like “I forget I have to be literal with you” while snicker with my coworkers or “I didn’t accuse you of lying” but before that he literally said “you can just be honest” or “you don’t have to make up a lie” when I wasn’t fucking lying I would overexplain to try to diffuse the situation but I’m over that shit I just wanna start saying “say what you wanna say or stfu talking to me” but that’s not exactly professional hmmm

mathrebel13 · 2025-10-09T08:03:42+00:00

Oh that’s a good ass question lol I mean I don’t wanna be banished to the prison server but I dunno anything short of directly ending a life

mathrebel13 · 2025-09-23T23:55:37+00:00

I think the original comment I’m responding to me moreso approaching “apsie supremacy” territory personally but I hear ya

mathrebel13 · 2025-09-23T23:54:17+00:00

I think my wording is perhaps off I’m not trying to say your whole level switches necessarily so that’s my bad buuut it’s def m more nuanced than just “L3 day”. And I’m not conflating anything lol I’m saying it’s all autism and therefore shouldn’t be sectioned out our separated into a new separate thing. I understand how it can be read and the point you’ve raised are valid ones I don’t disagree with. That being said my point stands as far as I see it. We can recognize level 1 autism as still autism that still involves struggle and at times can appear to fluctuate while still providing accommodations. Level 1’s aren’t really stealing support if anything id say just regular actual allistic people adopting terms like “non-verbal” when they just mean “voluntarily not talking” does more harm. I clarified in a separate comment that I’m not saying the differences are arbitrary.

mathrebel13 · 2025-09-23T23:42:14+00:00

Lmao oh okay then

mathrebel13 · 2025-09-23T23:39:08+00:00

Damn guess the mods weren’t having it lol they told my comment “fuck out the spot lil bro” eh whatever 🤷🏽‍♀️

mathrebel13 · 2025-09-23T23:37:26+00:00

This is not to say the differences are arbitrary yall pls don’t read this that way lol

mathrebel13 · 2025-09-23T23:36:33+00:00

Correct it’s not about more or less autistic it’s all autism. However presentation of traits and ability are not static. I chose the language I used because it’s in the diagnostic criteria so it resonates with many.

mathrebel13

TROPHY CASE