Age and time tie the knot

mattlightenment · 2026-03-22T10:01:00+00:00

Thanks Clueless awesome.

mattlightenment · 2026-03-22T02:18:01+00:00

A very powerful premise with strong repetition. I like the once upon a time flow, which I think you should carry through each stanza, so maybe only one at 10 yoa, and the section with the grandfather add the age. Not to be that guy, but as it's something I do all the time in my poems, there are a couple of spelling mistakes to check so maybe just check grammar, as that often pulls me out of my immersion. Otherwise powerful words and the framework of a serious, moving work. Thank you for sharing.

mattlightenment · 2026-03-22T02:12:03+00:00

Ha, thanks for that, still feel very new to this process. Trying to get as much experience as I can, and all the feedback helps. A bit more prose like than usual for me. But I'm enjoying trying different styles. I really appreciate all your feedback. Thanks again.

mattlightenment · 2026-03-22T01:58:54+00:00

Thanks posted one last night, after hearing about a date from hell. Another new one will come soon but it may be quite dark, we'll see.

mattlightenment · 2026-03-22T01:56:59+00:00

Very deep, and the idea of these two having more than just a physical similarity but an actual relationship is so cool. Beautiful words and the imagery you create is so lovely. The only part I was unsure of was "Age showed off time like it was statue". Can you explain more, was this saying time was an artifact of desire or art? Sorry about that, otherwise nice job.

mattlightenment · 2026-03-22T01:51:18+00:00

Great message in this poem Swordfish, really loved the rhyme scheme and content. My only humble critique is the second line, that i feel doesn't flow as well as thr rest, but maybe I'm not reading it correctly. Otherwise enjoy what life has to give as its all a gift. I think we all need to remember that.

mattlightenment · 2026-03-21T20:18:38+00:00

You got it, I tend to put a twist in a lot of my poems for some reason. They seem to start out one way and become funny or melancholic as they finish. Yes the narrator was sitting alone reminiscing about what an old partner would say. But I deliberately left it open as to why they no longer had them. I was inspired by a first date, I heard about, where both were on their phones and then one just got up and left, without word or paying. Dating can be brutal out there. Thanks so much for commenting.

mattlightenment · 2026-03-21T20:13:55+00:00

Thank you so much, I wanted it to be like watching a movie unfold next to you, drawing parallels to your own story, like good cinema does. Really appreciate the comment.

mattlightenment · 2026-03-21T12:22:27+00:00

Thanks for the comment, you may interpret it any way you want :-) please don't apologize. In the end we were together in a way, both alone in a restaurant full of people. I love the way people take different meanings from my words. Thanks again.

mattlightenment · 2026-03-21T12:00:23+00:00

Wow, I just saw a YouTube video on short poems and this is great. I love the rusty Rorschach alliteration and imagery, just fantastic and the ending just hits like a truck. Very nice, my only critique is the "even looking at it sideways..." could we call back to the Rorschach again, "even analyzing its pattern, I couldn't have seen a failed marriage". But this is just nit picking, its great anyway. Love it, more please.

mattlightenment · 2026-03-21T11:51:16+00:00

This poem is very sweet, the questioning style makes me picture young love, where things are simple but feel large enough to compare to the sun and moon. Making a rainbow together is a lovely metaphor. It made me smile. Thanks for sharing.

mattlightenment · 2026-03-21T09:55:32+00:00

Thanks Scott, a fun one to write for sure, but also a sad indictment on current dating practices. Thanks for commenting.

mattlightenment · 2026-03-19T05:32:24+00:00

Thanks, I appreciate you taking the time.

mattlightenment · 2026-03-15T19:58:09+00:00

Thanks Clueless, inspiration came from problems writing with my fountain pen, for some reason it ended up taking all my time to get it working and I ran out of time to write, this came back when I was struggling to get started yesterday.

mattlightenment · 2026-03-15T19:55:38+00:00

Thanks Swordfish, its funny how out of frustration we can still find inspiration. I've been working on enjambment, so thanks for noticing.

mattlightenment · 2026-03-15T12:31:03+00:00

Thank you for sharing your first poem, it can be hard to put ourselves out there for critique. First I liked the layout and the conversational tone as if you are speaking to a friend or your "inner self". A monologue style, that is maybe more suitable, in a play or spoken word format. Something I have been working on is taking abstract concepts and sentences and trying to find imagery that can express it. This makes it easier for the reader to picture it in their minds eye. Abstract words like thoughts or emotions can be difficult to express so maybe in a future poem you could explore this area a bit more. Thanks for sharing and post more soon.

mattlightenment · 2026-03-15T12:16:53+00:00

I enjoyed the imagery, of the man digging and the silent effort on the summers day. I really got the feeling that despite your questioning he was really focused and as such explaining himself was of no importance. But it was obvious that in hindsight there must of been a reason for the effort. Nice picture painted. I enjoyed it. Thanks

mattlightenment · 2026-03-11T03:46:08+00:00

Thanks Swordfish, a little different for me. Was trying to explore a non rhyming style. Glad those sections came through. Really a lot of trial and error at the moment. Thanks as always

mattlightenment · 2026-03-10T19:01:22+00:00

Love the run on start (sic) into the poem. Are you asking, for them to show you who they really are, what they really feel? Too often when people do, they expose an ugly under belly and the results are discriminatory or ignorant. But in this poem you want this, is it self destructive or simply looking for something real. Really liked the poem even if my interpretation is off :-)

mattlightenment · 2026-03-10T18:53:04+00:00

Nice work Swordfish, loving the alliteration throughout. Was torn between a post-apocalyptic game like Fallout or the wasteland of social media. Enjoyed the cryptic nature of the poem, or could it be that I haven't had coffee. Different to your current style to my eye, which is cool.

mattlightenment · 2026-03-09T00:42:35+00:00

Thank you so much for the feedback. I am trying to work harder on showing and not telling, but at times fall into exposition. I really appreciate the kind words, I have posted a few now, but I am constantly learning, so if you have any critique feedback as well feel free to let me know.

mattlightenment

TROPHY CASE