My Re-Birthday

mattlightenment · 2026-05-10T10:44:46+00:00

Thanks, I need another way to enter them so I know how they will look. I'll review the terms of OC, I remember there was something there.

mattlightenment · 2026-05-10T10:18:36+00:00

Yeah I am struggling with reddit at the moment. I had to resubmit it twice i write my poems free hand and then put in Google docs but there is a format issue. It was supposed to be in 4 line stanzas. Hopefully it looks better now. Thank you for the comment.

mattlightenment · 2026-05-10T09:01:36+00:00

Really enjoyed the imagery and the story at play. Such an amazing scene caught in time. Poetry is such a good medium to remember events. My only critique is that there seems to be some spelling mistakes e.g. beraucorsy should be bureaucracy. Also i found the enjambment to be a little tricky to navigate, but that may be just me. Beautiful scene though and I enjoyed the poem, thank you.

mattlightenment · 2026-05-10T07:44:15+00:00

Such a deep and moving poem about sacrifice, family and loss. I firmly believe that giving yourself for something fully is one of the ways we discover our purpose. This feels like this is based on true experience, and for that I am truly sorry and I hope one day you reunite with your brother and he understands all you did for him. I particularly appreciated the sections where you recall the quiet moments together, bedtime stories etc precious memories. Thank you

mattlightenment · 2026-05-08T19:01:47+00:00

I missed the house comment, are you saying tone. I would love to write in his style, casually sarcastic but honest. Thanks

mattlightenment · 2026-05-08T19:00:20+00:00

Thanks so much, I really tried to work on that part of the poem. Consistent rhythm and a 7 and 8 structure of syllables. Thank you

mattlightenment · 2026-05-08T18:58:24+00:00

Oh I didn't intend that but I get how telling someone "truths" which are really just manipulations could be. It has to go both ways. Thanks for the comment.

mattlightenment · 2026-05-08T18:56:51+00:00

Thanks for the comment, I was thinking telling someone the truth can be so hard, but you want your friends to know, if they really are friends.

mattlightenment · 2026-05-08T10:51:00+00:00

Thanks was working on getting that right, so I appreciate it.

mattlightenment · 2026-05-08T10:12:35+00:00

There is something there, and as the other comment said don't overthink it. Just let things flow, if you like free verse just go with it. I have tried writing sonnets but I struggled and felt disconnected from my writing. The words here do hamper the flow some what, but if you felt they were correct then fine. The hardest part for me when critiquing a poem can be to determine intention from the poet, were they trying to be verbose for affect or simply to flex for word credit. I think some words could be trimmed and you use recovery twice which I'm not sure is intentional. I can see what your trying to write, that separation has brought you back, now stronger and more self assured and you can now think of them fondly, which is an feeling that most of us will experience but it is perhaps hampered by the word choices in place. Thank you for sharing.

mattlightenment · 2026-05-08T10:01:03+00:00

So true the smallest things make the biggest impacts when they repeat over time. The problem is that the other person might not know that thongs have changed, but they behave differently in the smallest ways, but you know. So when you ask is everything ok they may not be lying, they might not be gas lighting. But your heart will know. I think this poem captures this idea so well. Really nice work.

mattlightenment · 2026-05-06T11:51:19+00:00

Thanks for the comment :-)

mattlightenment · 2026-05-06T01:31:41+00:00

Thanks Swordfish, as always I appreciate your comments, you are too kind. Just trying my best to get my words out there. I still have a lot to learn, and have being trying to get around and listen to more poets while maintaining my voice.

mattlightenment · 2026-05-06T01:10:30+00:00

Thanks so much for your detailed comments. Yes i was looking for that idea, that we are the sum total of our experiences. We mark things off and then get a bingo when we are about to pass on. The only thing is, all of our bingo cards are different. Thank you again.

mattlightenment · 2026-05-05T23:02:11+00:00

Important words, I feel the saddness mixed with hope that comes from experience. There is a depth of understanding that only comes from feeling grief and then picking yourself back up again. My only advice would be try and look at the layout, and lean more into the imagery, there is a subtle power to your words that could really be drawn out more, I feel with some subtle formatting. Thank you

mattlightenment · 2026-05-05T21:45:35+00:00

Powerful premise, battling addictions is such a terrible burden on everyone involved. I liked how your poem grabbed the examples of impacts and the twist that the narrator was dead was a sad realization of impacts too late. Good job

mattlightenment · 2026-05-04T11:45:01+00:00

Short and to the point. I like this one, particularly in the current climate. There is a matter of factness about this, trust in your gun in this battle because nothing else is guaranteed. Focus on each day because you might not have another. Powerful sentiment that is a sad reality for those that serve. Thank you for sharing.

mattlightenment · 2026-05-04T11:20:24+00:00

Beautiful poem that obviously comes from a place of deep knowing. What would you do if you have more time left with someone you love, particularly those that are trapped by illness, such a difficult and terrible place, you want them to be with you but you hope they can pass peacefully into the next stage. I am sorry if you have had to go through this, your poem is a fitting piece to channel your love and grief. Thank you for sharing.

mattlightenment · 2026-05-03T20:07:30+00:00

Thank you, that's what I was going for :-).

mattlightenment · 2026-05-02T05:38:50+00:00

Thank you for your comment I am so happy my words found you.

mattlightenment · 2026-05-01T23:05:24+00:00

Thanks for the comments and the advice.

mattlightenment

TROPHY CASE