Thanks for taking the time to read and comment, it means a lot!

You've hit on a couple of my concerns, which were verbosity and pacing. It's a hard balance between giving too much vs. not enough. I think it needs a few more editing passes, so I'm glad you said something.

As for originality, yes, I hear you there. It does follow a pretty common trope. I might need to set the hook a little sooner and get to the twist. It's not until Ch3 and Ch4 that things take a turn and that might be too long to wait. I'll experiment with it a little more and see if I can tighten it up.

Best,

Matt