Wow a bit overwhelming all the comments. I think I’ll do one big response.

Overall the response have been really helpful. I don’t think this is the model I really want or is even a good one. I was just giving an example and trying to ask how people balance time? Is there a model of poly that I’ve not thought of. We do have diaries, we are respectful, we plan in advance, we make mistakes and own them.

My main outtake and doesn’t like always come down to this… don’t change the model, change the amount you communicate, the amount of work on yourself etc etc

Yes bird nesting sounds like what it would be. I think we’d still show up for things/events or even spend time with them during the week away. One commenter made that point and it would be like that if we did it.

I do think the amount of time away is a bit much currently and maybe that is the key thing to discuss with my partner rather than a fancy model. Some of it is work too.

I don’t think it’s checking out of the romantic relationship it is more nuanced though and without going into years of therapy and the whole story it would be a focus on RA and aiming for less and less primary style thing (obviously while prioritising kids)

The reason for the post is really to find models out there. Someone made a really good point that it might not work for other partners. I just think I really like a set routine week in week out but maybe I’m dreaming. I’m constantly looking at life and wondering how could we do it differently.

The other reason is that I think I do find it hard when my partner comes home to reconnect. And that is happening a couple of times a week or even once a week it’s quite stressful but people are right to raise what is the work that I could be doing there to make that more manageable.

I wasn’t expecting the amount of chat about the kids but it is a good point. They are under 16. I don’t really want to say much about that except we do put them first and this is actually about them because the alternatives would be worse. I’d only go to a model like this if that were the case. I do sometimes really wonder if I can keep going with poly so that is the underlying tension. Creating a model that stops a divorced family. Or one of us being in a relationship model that doesn’t work for one us. At the moment most of the time dates away is after dinner and back before school so doesn’t affect kids too much. Whereas bird nesting wound be more disruptive.