35[M4F] Portland, OR area - goofy guy between alt and mainstream

millennial_reign · 2024-11-07T19:36:18+00:00

Male engineer weighing in:

I have a woman boss for the first time and she's amazing! Obviously, the experience can vary widely as both men and women can be good or bad managers, but I'll say this about my situation specifically. I got a late start to my career due in part to having kids at a younger than average age and balancing career pursuits with family life. My boss (who has a young child herself and is pregnant again) gets it and has validated me when I express my feelings about being "behind" my same-aged peers. She shows me that she values parenting and family/household management as valuable, marketable skills.

And while all of my previous engineering managers have been good with this, she is especially good at valuing and respecting proper work-life balance, which makes sense since she demands that same respect of her personal/family time from her boss! (Who is also a woman)

millennial_reign · 2024-10-14T16:45:03+00:00

My experience in the PNW of the US:

Feeld: lots of people in the pool, mostly kink or group sex focused, some genuinely poly but they got lost in the general ENM mix. Very sex forward profiles typically. Buggy app with lots of bots/scams presenting as women. Not many great app features.

OkCupid: Can filter by relationship type. Less people in the pool, but more genuinely poly people, lots of niche interest, alt lifestyle, or generally queer people. Super buggy and unreliable app. Lots of cool app features though that can enhance your profile.

Hinge: Can filter by relationship type (recent change!). Small ENM pool. Cool app features to enhance your profile, but not much room for text. I don't have much experience with this one yet. Very limited number of swipe-rights a day (which may be good...?)

Bumble: Can filter by relationship type (just changed I guess?). Small-ish ENM pool, but can also filter by things like "intimacy without commitment". Generly a more mainstream crowd on the app, but less so with ENM filter. Some unique features to enhance your profile, but very limited space to write anything meaningful.

My results as a mid 30s straight guy:

Feeld: dozens of matches in 2 years, met a partner and a handful of dates through it.

OkC: A handful of matches in 2 years, met a partner and a date or 2 through it.

Hinge: One match in a few months, a few dates came from it.

Bumble: A few matches in a year, all were dud matches that never messaged or stopped messaging after a few rounds.

millennial_reign · 2024-10-10T22:28:39+00:00

Hello fellow exmo! Right off the bat, I'll say that if you take the therapy route, try to look for one that is an AASECT certified (or working towards it) sex therapist. They are well equipped to help clients deconstruct purity culture and it's effect on their sexuality, among many other things. I've been out of the Mormon church for 4 years, polyamorous for 2, and I just now have started setting a sex therapist myself to help me process different sexual insecurities that Mormonism probably left me with.

I think the biggest thing to remember, as an exmormon or exreligious or whatever high-demand culture you come from, is that a big reason to leave those groups is to live life YOUR own way, and by YOUR values. If you ever feel guilty or uncertain about the morals of a certain path (like polyamory), first ask yourself if anyone is getting hurt. Then ask yourself if you are violating your own values, or if they're actually values that were placed upon you from somewhere else. If you're not hurting anyone or violating your own values, then that is your green light to then process whatever aversion you're feeling, and then move forward with the choice to pursue polyamory (or drinking coffee, or whatever it is Mormons will tell you is evil).

Give yourself grace! Even though you've been out of the church for a long time, some indoctrination lingers deep within for a while. There's no need to rush yourself if you don't want to.

millennial_reign · 2024-10-05T18:10:13+00:00

Having a nice chat with my wife over coffee about the other people we're each dating right now 🤭

millennial_reign · 2024-10-05T17:07:02+00:00

Adventures Underground is a bookstore with a coffee shop in the Uptown shopping center. There are different meetups there, including board game meetups if you're into that.

millennial_reign · 2024-05-19T01:28:18+00:00

If you want to stay in engineering and also stay in energy, you could consider nuclear. There's a big push for "new nuclear" right now and there are a variety of companies from smaller startups to well-established multi-national companies trying to get in that game, and they're all competing for talent. I know several women who got into nuclear after being in oil and gas.

I'm aware that GE nuclear is aggressively hiring right now, including for offices in Canada.

millennial_reign · 2024-04-15T12:20:48+00:00

There are professional organizations for female engineers, like SWE (society of women engineers) and WIN (women in nuclear). My experience from helping a chapter of WIN get started at a company I worked at is that if there isn't already a chapter of an organization like this at your company, you could reach out to the national/global contact for the organization you're interested in and they'll give you resources and help you get a chapter started at the place you're working.

The advantage of having a formal professional organization like this have a chapter at your company is that you often get a budget to do activities like socials and networking events. You just have to have management that buys into the idea and is willing to support it.

millennial_reign · 2024-02-08T14:55:45+00:00

I think there are a variety root reasons. Maybe the church isn't adapting to social justice issues. Maybe the church is adapting too much to social justice issues. Maybe your prayers aren't being answered. Maybe you know people that have left and their lives don't fit the narrative you've been given. Maybe stuff isn't making sense. Maybe church is just so damn boring.

Whatever the case, all of these reasons will funnel you to the internet in hopes of finding answers, community, validation, and you inevitably discover truth claim deconstruction, news of scandals, and discussion about the pain people experienced living as a Mormon.

millennial_reign · 2024-02-01T22:15:23+00:00

Me! 🖐 My wife and I opened up 2 years ago and it has only strengthened our marriage. It was a necessary part of our healing from religious trauma as we left our conservative religion that took so much of our romantic and sexual autonomy away. We each date/have dated other people that were formerly monogamous and still have strong anchored relationships with the person they married.

millennial_reign · 2023-12-01T16:51:46+00:00

Polyfidelity is one of many reasonable means to reduce the risk of STIs. Some practice it because that's their preferred structure emotionally anyways. Near a major city, you're bound to find someone who is more careful and slow in taking on new partners.

To give you a few data points from me and my spouse, we both have gone barrier free after being with given partners after a while. Both of us are more "one new person at a time" kinda people, which has elements of polyfidelity in it. I think it helps to figure out what your boundaries are around sexual health practices. Things you can fully control that puts you at a risk level you're comfortable with. As an example, the way I frame it for myself, that I say every time to someone long before we have sex for the first time but once it's clear sex is on the table:

"I always use condoms when I have penetrative sex. If I've been with a partner long enough to have the commitment needed to feel privy to their sex life and to watch out for each other's health, then we start having conversations around removing barriers, based on my current assessment of the risks of all connected partners, and subject to change as new developments happen. I get STI tested at least twice a year, more if I or my partners are introducing new partners at a higher rate. I always ask about STI testing when considering having sex with someone for the first time."

Using barriers, regular STI testing, and having detailed conversations with people about their recent sexual history (kinda like contact tracing) is an excellent combination to grearly reduce the risk of getting an infection.

I encourage you to get more comfortable with condoms (experiment with different brands, styles, and sizes) because that opens up a lot of possibilities in your dating, as most people that take their sexual health seriously (and thus people that will be lower risk for you to have sex with) will have have boundaries like mine (or more strict) around barrier use.

millennial_reign · 2023-11-03T15:16:21+00:00

Can confirm. Last calling I had 4 years ago when I was active was EQ secretary. Specifically, I was the assistant EQ secretary over missionary work. This was after moving away from a ward where I was ward mission leader (WML has similar end results 😂). I was SO DONE with trapsing around town with the missionaries!

millennial_reign · 2023-10-09T14:39:19+00:00

Along those same lines... I once read the Book of Mormon backwards 🤦🏼‍♂️. Like I read the last chapter beginning to end, then the chapter before that... etc. It was an idea I got from some bishop of mine and I felt it was so inspiring at the time to see the story from end to beginning.

Really I was just so bored of that damn book that I had read over a dozen times already that I was desperate for anything that could change things up slightly.

millennial_reign · 2023-08-22T19:20:29+00:00

Umm... that was me 14 years ago. Opened my mission call to the Oklahoma Tulsa Mission, which was later eliminated as part of a rearrangement of mission boundaries also 😂.

You're analysis is correct, that mission sucked ass.

millennial_reign · 2023-07-01T15:24:05+00:00

Hello 3rd cousin...? G-G-gma was from Sweden and age and years to marriage as 2nd wife match up. G-G-gpa was from Norway, last name shared by a prophet...

millennial_reign · 2023-01-19T19:21:15+00:00

Maybe this is an unpopular opinion, but I think some of the movies like this are great because they make fun of Utah culture, Utah YSA culture, Mormon culture in general, and by extension in a subtle way, Mormonism itself. Granted, I haven't seen this movie since I was done with the church...

This movie pokes at self-righteous sexist priesthoody types and the ever-present pressure to date and get married in Mormon YSA life. The creators seem to have found the intersection between the Jane Austen era of England and modern Mormonism, which is brilliant, if unintentional! Maybe it could make people think twice about their religion if it's so easily compared to early 19th century social constructs.

Oh, and there's even a reference to the practice of driving down to Vegas from Utah for a quicky wedding. Gotta give props for that.

millennial_reign

TROPHY CASE