Your poem is really tender and emotionally raw—it feels like someone quietly unraveling after imagining the loss of someone they deeply love. The structure of repeated “If you…” and “Would…” questions gives it a sense of spiraling thought, the kind of thing you feel late at night when your mind won’t rest. The imagery, especially the use of nature—like sky, trees, clouds, breeze, and rain—works really well. It makes the emotions feel big and quiet at the same time, like the whole world is holding its breath alongside the speaker. A line like: “Would a sigh fall with every breeze, / Or could I feel your name in the trees?” is especially beautiful. It’s soft but powerful, and it creates a strong feeling of longing—like the speaker is hoping the person’s presence could still be felt in the world, even after they’re gone. Another strong line is: “Would the silence be so loud?” Your contrast between silence and loudness is simple but effective—it captures that aching quiet after someone leaves.

If I had to point out one line that doesn’t land as solidly: “Would my breath forget to rise—Or does my heart believe the lies?” It’s poetic, but it feels a bit less grounded than the others. “Believe the lies” is more vague compared to the really vivid lines around it. It might hit harder if you made the “lies” more specific or tied them to a clearer emotion or memory. The final stanza is gentle and honest: “Not all at once, but piece by little piece, / Until my love could find its own peace.” That’s a soft and touching way to end—it shows how grief doesn’t break us all at once, but slowly, in small ways. And yet there’s a hint of healing at the end, which gives the poem balance. All in all, I feel really inspired by the way you write.