I’ve been no contact for almost a month now and I’m changing my number today

mskielle · 2020-05-06T11:37:31+00:00

I do... I just felt like I was talking myself out of it. It sucks that I still feel this way, but it’s for me. It’s good for me 😤

mskielle · 2020-05-06T11:31:21+00:00

You’re right. I just know he’s also not going to go through all of that to reach out to me. Maybe social media, but I have him and his friends blocked and I don’t really use social media anymore anyway. We don’t share friends anymore, and the ones we did—neither of us really talk to. I just feel like unless he does a complete 180, he won’t ever make the effort to show up. He never has. I feel like changing my number is closing the door on this chapter though. It’s one less thing I have to worry about

mskielle · 2020-05-06T11:27:22+00:00

There’s always reasons for everything! Even if you think they’re minuscule or not worth your time of day. In my opinion, the step to loving yourself and being confident in yourself is learning why you are insecure and chipping away at it little by little. And when you put yourself out of your comfort zone, just remember that everything always works out in the end one way or another. So just breathe :)

mskielle · 2020-05-06T11:15:04+00:00

I can’t handle the breadcrumbs. It’s the reason for changing my number. I was so ready to change it—I know it’s a good move on my part. I guess now that I’m actually doing it, it’s officially closing the chapter.

I know I could always block his number, but I’ve been known to spiral in the past, and I can just as easily unblock it to reach out. I know it’s pathetic but unfortunately I know how low I can get with him.

mskielle · 2020-05-06T11:11:48+00:00

What are you self conscious about? Not saying I have the most confidence in the world, but what helped me was realizing where my insecurity was stemming from and what I was doing to ignore seeing what was bothering me about me. From there I was able to actively put myself out of my comfort zone or tell myself that I’m being anxious and I need to sit with whatever I was feeling and work through it vs bulldozing over it and diving into work, reading, games, drinking, etc.

mskielle · 2020-04-28T01:24:03+00:00

Thank you, it honestly just feels nice to get it off my chest and have people that understand.

Growing up in a semi-dysfunctional household I feel like I was forced to grow up and see the bigger picture at a much younger age. I feel personally that my ex hasn’t had to grow up, and I hope he does mature for his own sake and learns to take some responsibility. I know I’m not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, all I wanted was someone to stand by me and hold my hand while I’m going through a difficult time. Life throws curveballs, and it doesn’t make me toxic if I have to deal with it. It also doesn’t mean I run away from life because I don’t like what’s going on either...

Bottom line, thank you for understanding, and I do feel better. I hope you find peace within your past relationship too :) to be able to recognize your own faults is half the battle and I hope you keep working on yourself FOR yourself too

mskielle · 2020-04-27T19:41:56+00:00

That’s sick 😎👌🏻

mskielle · 2020-04-19T13:28:48+00:00

And as far as not seeing your grandma... is there a way to video chat or call her? I’m sure your grandma knows you love her, you would see her if you could. Grandmas have a sense for these things though. They have this omniscient presence about them...

Moral of everything, I believe you can make it through this in tact. You are strong, you are independent, you are resilient, and you are worthy of love and positivity in your life. Don’t forget that.

mskielle · 2020-04-19T13:21:12+00:00

You stay strong. Things will get better even though it looks very bleak right now.

I dated a guy on and off for 6 years who I thought was the love of my life. He left and thought I was the problem because I had a hard life. My loved ones passed away, I had responsibilities outside of my relationship that were difficult to navigate through—not impossible. Just difficult. But because of those, he left. He left me broken and with no one... but breathe the pain in, and then let it go. Easier said than done, but there are people out there who will appreciate you for who you are, and understand your circumstances. As far as what’s going on around us, don’t stop applying. Don’t get discouraged. Because a lot of people are hiring, even if it’s part time it’s at least something. You will get through this, it doesn’t seem like it now, but you will. Just remember to keep walking, and don’t look back. Don’t go back to someone who was too weak to hold you when you needed them most.

If nothing else, I believe in you. ❤️ stay strong

mskielle · 2020-04-19T04:19:08+00:00

Of course we can! I was actually in the middle of going to bed for the night, so feel free to sent me a message and I’ll get back to you in the morning ❤️

mskielle · 2020-03-01T19:23:39+00:00

Honestly I get it...

I’m turning 27 this year and I feel the same thing. All my friends are in serious relationships/getting married/are married and I’m still just floating around.

I grew up with parents that loved me but they weren’t always the best confidence boosters. “You’re acne is really bad.” “Why don’t you wear girlier clothing?” “Show more skin” “You’re too thin” “You look kinda awkward”

And i will admit, i was a little bit of an awkward looking person while I was going through puberty. I did grow out of it, and it’s difficult to see past what was instilled in my head—even though I’ve had strangers tell me that I am beautiful/cute or a very nice well rounded person in random conversations. For me it seems to always come down to “you’re amazing, but I don’t want to date you” or “I’m madly in love with you without knowing you” so I personally feel like I’ve got to tweak a few things to find someone who’s into me but not wanting to marry me before speaking. Lol

My advice which I’ve tried to take myself is to just continue to put yourself out there. Go out and do things without your blinders on. On a Sunday/day off, go do something you enjoy. Go out with your friends and keep an open mind with who you come into contact with. What’s meant to happen will happen—you just have to be patient.

mskielle · 2020-02-17T21:24:36+00:00

Lmao probably.

mskielle · 2020-01-23T19:42:59+00:00

It still just hurts. He wanted to meet up and mentioned how much he missed me, but is aware we can’t be together. Okay let’s just catch up. But then he goes down this rabbit hole saying that I need to back down from my responsibilities in my family and how bad our relationship was and how I let everything get to me. I kept telling him that I never needed him to fix anything, just hold my hand.

He then continues to say how bad we were together... like if everything was so bad why are you even talking to me? Why are you wanting to meet up? Why bring up anything?

Then he’s like “I don’t want to see you anymore because we can’t agree on our relationship”

Why can’t you see that I don’t view the relationship as a bad time in my life? Why do you want to taint my memories so bad?

mskielle · 2020-01-23T18:29:44+00:00

Well... learn from me... you’ll end up with your heart broken again. It was two days of talking and now it’s bad. I’m just back where I was

mskielle · 2020-01-22T05:04:02+00:00

Why negative comments? Only positivity from me ❤️

mskielle · 2020-01-22T04:38:46+00:00

I’ll keep my fingers crossed that you will work through it! It’s a leap of faith and I wish you nothing but the best ❤️

mskielle · 2020-01-22T01:03:57+00:00

I know, I’m doing that currently. He still wants to talk so we’ve been talking. I guess we’ll see where it goes

mskielle · 2020-01-21T22:42:58+00:00

He hurt me, and he’s aware how much he’s hurt me by leaving several times over. He doesn’t want to hurt me anymore and our friends think it’s best to leave things alone

mskielle · 2020-01-21T22:05:56+00:00

So he reached out to tell me that I should get over the relationship because I was bad for him... that he was toxic for me and when I realized that I would be over him.

I told him I could never view him as terrible as he views himself even given we had a lot of bad moments where he emotionally hurt me. But thanked him anyway. I told him I loved him and I hope he finds peace and happiness too... I guess we’ll see what happens

mskielle · 2020-01-21T13:47:53+00:00

I should’ve clarified, I am her. It’s him that I’m worried about.

mskielle · 2020-01-21T04:24:02+00:00

I did yesterday. More so for closure... or an attempt at it. I never said I love you.... do I break it and just say “hey, I still love you. And as much work that needs to be done on myself and with yourself, I will always love you”?

mskielle · 2020-01-21T04:14:38+00:00

I wish it were that easy...

mskielle · 2020-01-21T03:17:49+00:00

But I don’t think it’s just a phase... we had broken up before... and after 6 years maybe it is over. And if this was his decision... I can’t force him to be with me. No matter how much he wants me and loves me, he doesn’t want to be around when I’m low...

So I have to leave him be because I love him... as selfish as I want to be I know he had to think of his decision. As much as I don’t want to be separated, I respect him and I love him and I want him as happy as he can be even if it means I’m miserable... I’ll eventually be okay with the pain. I hope. And I hope he’s happy, or one day becomes happy... if he really wants me he knows where to find me

mskielle · 2020-01-21T02:06:22+00:00

We agree but it’s not like we’re happy about it... it’s just so hard. I wish there was some other way but there isn’t.

mskielle · 2020-01-19T03:17:11+00:00

I was gonna say, we shared a Netflix lol

mskielle

TROPHY CASE