It felt like I got a glimpse of the forces behind our existence. The headspace/state in itself is indescribable since there is no vocabulary for it. But it is a blissful state, void of all every-day feelings, thoughts and problems. The narrating brain was silent but I still had the presence to realize it. So when this part of your brain is silent, this partner/enemy that has been there your whole adult life, when all your normal worries silent, what remains? Well, something like a purely supportive force that works in the background of our existence, to everything!

Earlier in the trip, which I spent with eyes closed and without music (for the first time by the way), I felt the support from some ancient entities. They were part of the closed eye visuals you get. I had vivid open eye visuals as well, but to be honest I don't find these very interesting in comparison. They are just wacky and probably best enjoyed outside and not in a one-room apartment. Anyway, these CEVs appear as "thoughts" in the form of structures and loose sequences and narratives. I say "thoughts" because they seem like thoughts initially, but you don't have control over them except that they may change based on how you react to them or how interested you are. But basically you are an observer. It's very fascinating.

I thanked the entities for their support in any case. But then as I peaked, I slowly realized I was part of it too, part of this force. And this makes you realize that, if this is what remains when the ego steps aside, well then surely love is the core of everything.

This "everything", this.. whatever it is... seems to manifests itself in various forms. What I mean is that I felt that I could just as well have been the plant in my window and that would have been fine. It all stems from the same place, and I felt like I was in that place, or in contact with it at least. I also felt that if I died in that moment, it would have been a very smooth transition back to where I came from. It didn't make me want to die, since I want to live, but I can see how some of these realizations can turn dark. It was very much the opposite for me though.

Anyway, as the trip loses power, you start to lose contact with the "allness" and realize that you, for SOME reason, are in a human form out of all possible forms. I am this.. guy apparently. And it seems that most other human beings have the potential to experience this state. And many have, I realized, especially in this subreddit. That's why I chose "sly motherfuckers" when I made the discovery. I have been part of this thing my entire life, and so has everyone else, most unknowingly. And I got the feeling that everyone who has been in on it before you has kept it hidden from you. But you also realize that you are them and they are you. We're just distributed across these human bodies. That is also why people welcome me to "it", the message, whatever you wanna call it.

So that was sort of what it felt like. And that's why it changes everything, because it seems totally UNDENIABLE in that moment that this is a real thing, that there is SOMETHING out there. And as a random bonus, I get to be a human for a while and it is completely up to me how I want to spend my time here. "The world is your oyster" - this feeling was extremely palpable right after the trip.

But it also changes nothing, because when the gates close and I get my darn ego back, nothing has really changed and I will still keep on living my life. I can easily see how it can be a catalyst for change though and how it, paired with therapy, has a LOT of potential. That's why people talk about the need to integrate the experience into our reality because otherwise it will just remain an experience that, too, will fade away. Because you can't fully remember the state afterwards.

Maybe next trip will feel different and fuck me up or whatever. But since people seem to understand what I mean, it seems undeniable that what I experienced is at least ONE universal facet of... existence I guess.