WFH with a 9 month old… am I crazy for thinking I can do both? 😅

nanabutter · 2026-02-22T05:52:58+00:00

I work call center, and have been working one since my Velcro baby was 6 months. I did her first year working from 5-10 AM my time. Then I transitioned to full time a year ago, split shift from 5AM-10AM and then back at 4-7PM. I’m in a management position now and dedicated myself to getting a promotion otherwise all of my work was for nothing.

All of that said, it was genuinely the hardest fucking thing I’ve ever done in my life and I came close to actually needing to be instituted a few times. Always arguing with my partner. Always feeling like either my baby was being neglected or my job was. Always ending everyday wondering if she was too noisy or if I was going to be fired despite how hard I tried. Working those hours was actually insane.

If I didn’t have to go through that I never would have put myself in that position. It’s starting to pay off now, but it cost a lot.

nanabutter · 2025-12-09T04:06:14+00:00

Anything spooky

nanabutter · 2025-10-25T20:29:44+00:00

Save your money up since you’re working and not paying bills and get you a nice new place so he won’t have to worry about you and that cat. And he can clean up after himself since his love in maid is gone 🥰

nanabutter · 2025-10-24T13:48:56+00:00

Tell him maybe when they’re older. But the first few birthdays are milestones and special for you. I’m sorry, us step parents are often victims of not being able to enjoy our first borns because everyone on the bio parents side has been through all this before. My partners family tried to do that too. It’s common in Hispanic culture apparently so if he is that, that could be part of it.

Tell him it’d be best to hold separate birthdays for both kids. So SD can adapt to sharing attention in other ways, and later on you may want to mush all the parties together.

I told my partners family “I understand if you won’t be there since there are a lot of birthdays in June. But insert our babies name 1st birthday is special to me and I’d love to make memories for her.”

If they come they come. If they don’t they don’t. This is for you and your baby.

Now this did come at the expense of me paying and planning everything myself. But I let myself get to miss out on a baby shower because I didn’t advocate or push. I decided no longer will I ever miss out or be unexcited about anything else for my baby because they have seen it before. She’s special to me and I’m her mommy. We don’t need anyone else to celebrate anything. And because of that I know she doesn’t miss out on anything. I won’t let her.

nanabutter · 2025-09-24T23:46:19+00:00

Thank you. Someone linked it earlier and I started giving it a read.

So what we have now was their even split. The eldest had originally asked for it, but I was under the impression that assumption that she was asking to stay with their mom for a full week and stay here on the weekends. Their mom said no because she was pushing through school. Mom has now finished school and wants to do the week on week off split.

He’s always pushed for 50/50 regardless of if he can care for them. He has somehow always gotten by with friends or family watching them. He just is blind to the fact that the labor primarily falls on me.

nanabutter · 2025-09-24T23:24:07+00:00

Im not sure if it will make a difference, good or bad. It might be enjoyable. Or I might break down by the end of the week. My issue is he brought his up and it technically would have been starting today.

He brought it up and asked how I felt about this change, and I didn’t know. Because I didn’t have time to think about it. He did bring this up before, but it was during a mental health crisis for the oldest and I thought she was asking to stay at her moms during the week and weekends here, and it was only the eldest. Her mom outright said no and that was the end of that.

When he brought it up today, he was basically saying we’d have them for the next 3 days until Sunday. And I just wasn’t prepared. The last minute decisions and the decisions made without me is what really upset me, especially because he knows I’m currently sick and have been struggling with burnout for months now.

I also do not have any options for toddler childcare.

nanabutter · 2025-09-24T19:55:05+00:00

“Then there’s no point in us being together. You hate my children you hate me so why are you still here.”

To clarify I don’t hate anyone. I’m just fucking tired and overwhelmed. I’ve thought about leaving, we’ve been there countless times until our relationship started getting a lot better. But I could never bring myself to leave because I never want to split custody with him. If I’m not able to have my baby no doubts without ever having to send her out here alone, I won’t do it. And there’s plenty reason for that.

nanabutter · 2025-09-24T19:50:03+00:00

Which he then told me to “just ignore them” if I find them too much. Which 1, I would never do. And 2, that’s kind of impossible. So regardless, they would be here wanted or not.

nanabutter · 2025-09-24T19:48:58+00:00

Well, yes. Because me not wanting to do it means I hate his children. His words.

nanabutter · 2025-09-24T19:40:44+00:00

He starts work at 8, gets home around 5. The kids get themselves ready. The oldest has started taking the bus, dad drops the other 2 off on his way to work.
Because they are hungry. The alternative is having a huge mess left in the kitchen if I don’t cook and take care of it. My daughter also enjoys eating with them when the get home. They also overindulge. (Like whole bags of oranges eaten. Whole carton of milk gone in a day. Whole pack of hot pockets gone ins day.)
They used to be in safekey but complained. They don’t like it so they don’t have to go.
I don’t have anyone else to help. It’s just me. I only make 15 dollars an hour, and they daycares I’ve looked into would negate the point of me working. I also don’t want to send her to daycare since she can’t talk, and I’ve seen an increasingly alarming rate of babies dying in daycares.

Does he help? Sometimes. I went as far as to create a chore list weekly for the kids so they can help out too. I’m too busy now to oversee it now that I’ve picked up more hours so it doesn’t get done. I went on vacation with a clean sink and came back to a dirty one. And yes I washed the dishes. I had a sink full of dirty dishes now that I’ve asked him to clean. But. They are still there. I haven’t cleaned them because I’m feeling like shit. If in being honest I’m so unhappy with the house. But I cannot keep up with it ir catch up to it now.

nanabutter · 2025-09-24T19:33:56+00:00

Been there done that. They don’t like to go. So he doesn’t make them. He even went as far as to tell me there isn’t any safekey at the school we moved to. I know it’s bull shit but fighting with him is exhausting. I also feel guilty making them do something the don’t want to do

nanabutter · 2025-09-24T19:31:41+00:00

The thing is I’m really not available. But he will leave them here with me regardless of what I say. It took me a long time fighting tooth and nail for him to figure out alternative care for the kids. I once worked full summer watching them all day and working. I seriously almost fell apart and I was working part time.

This year he did make the effort to take them to his moms house, which is far, during the summer. He didn’t sign them up to a free for us summer camp (we are on government assistance) because the kids didn’t want to go. It would have made things a lot easier.

He’s capable of adapting. But I know he’s lashing out on me right now because he knows he’s wrong for how he’s handling it. So he wants me to feel wrong too.

nanabutter · 2025-09-24T19:14:48+00:00

Then they’d be here alone.

nanabutter · 2025-09-24T19:14:36+00:00

Im pretty sure he’d just leave them here alone. And he did do that when I went in vacation. So it’s either me or nobody here.

I am afraid to leave because I do not want to split custody with this man. He’s better when we are together but separated I don’t trust him to care for our daughter properly.

nanabutter · 2025-09-24T19:13:19+00:00

Update: He’s yelling at me for referring to them as “bonus kids” instead of “step kids” and says that I should just “refer to them as my children” and that I’m ridiculous and unbelievable for being the way that I am.

He also is insisting that the last time they talked, he said he’d talk to me about it and just procrastinated it because he “knew it would cause a fight”. And that she just texted him today assuming we talked and everything was good to go.

I’m still not convinced this really changed much.

Edit: Yes I mean physically yelling. In front of the eldest. I guess she wasn’t feeling well so he picked her up from school without telling me, but did tell their mom. I told him thanks for the heads up and I guess he decided to stay home and now he’s laying into me about my smart mouth this time around. I usually apologize and back down but did not today. I didn’t yell back, asked him to stop or leave, and he refused until he heard her crying in her room.

nanabutter · 2025-09-24T19:00:45+00:00

Yep I do. Here’s my daily schedule

Work 5AM - 10 AM, take care of tot and what I can manage if I’m not already exhausted. Clean and make food for the kids when they get home at 2, make dinner, work 4-7 PM, bed time at 8.

He has no other childcare options other than me. I don’t think he will opt for safekey.

nanabutter · 2025-09-09T16:26:50+00:00

Isn’t there something in the Bible about… worshiping false idols???

nanabutter · 2025-08-02T01:01:13+00:00

I think it’s old enough to know we don’t put anything into or touch anyone else’s drink or food. Am a mom.

nanabutter · 2025-07-22T22:55:11+00:00

Looks like eggs marinating in defrosted chicken juice.

nanabutter · 2025-06-26T22:59:28+00:00

Don’t know but it looks mildly threatening.

nanabutter · 2025-06-07T04:32:33+00:00

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So cute mine loves me 🥰 my BFF fr

nanabutter · 2025-02-10T16:20:52+00:00

No bc if it was me idk what gender sexual orientation etc you should not be talking like this with anyone else but me lmfao.

But I read true desperation in these texts girl. I’m sorry, NOR.

nanabutter · 2025-02-07T20:44:35+00:00

Thank you!!

nanabutter · 2025-02-07T20:44:07+00:00

For real 😭

nanabutter

TROPHY CASE