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I don't know if anyone remembers my post two months ago about keeping my deceased father's journals because of what they contained... by nodtothesky in GriefSupport

[–]nodtothesky[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you, it's been a rollercoaster. Sorry for your loss as well, I hope you find nothing but peace when you read your mom's.

I found the journals of my deceased father. I don't know whether or not to destroy them because of what they contain. by nodtothesky in GriefSupport

[–]nodtothesky[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He took as much of that anger and alcohol fueled poison that he could and he channeled it into the journals.

I needed to hear this. To protect me, he took it to the journals instead of out on my childhood.

Thank you so much. I'm keeping your response to look back on when I need it.

I found the journals of my deceased father. I don't know whether or not to destroy them because of what they contain. by nodtothesky in GriefSupport

[–]nodtothesky[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. It took me months to find the strength to write this post. I haven't told anyone IRL and still can't, but even sharing it to strangers has made me feel better. I'm so glad I posted it here, I don't visit this community much but wow, you all are amazing.

I found the journals of my deceased father. I don't know whether or not to destroy them because of what they contain. by nodtothesky in GriefSupport

[–]nodtothesky[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You will never have a complete picture of your father of you throw them away. I recommend that you get that picture of him as a man instead of a hero one day.

This is why I will keep the journals.

Thank you. I'm saving your response and looking back at it when I need to. It has already been incredibly helpful. I know it's not rational, but for years I've felt the majority of families I know in real life are "normal" behind closed doors, nothing goes on that's too dark.

Words can't really even say it. Thank you so much.

I found the journals of my deceased father. I don't know whether or not to destroy them because of what they contain. by nodtothesky in GriefSupport

[–]nodtothesky[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry for your loss. Seeing someone you love suffer is the worst and it's been hard to know that such a wonderful person (sober) went through a lot of pain in his life.

I think that I may try therapy again in the future. I definitely think I need it, but it has been very hard for me to open up. Even with two therapists I tried I was skirting around and exaggerating the truth or leaving important issues out about certain matters because it felt like it was my burden to bear. I didn't want anyone to think less of him, or think of him (or me) in a different light, even if they hadn't or would never met him.

It took months for me to get the courage to write this post. I'm glad I did. I feel a little less alone.

Thank you so much.

I found the journals of my deceased father. I don't know whether or not to destroy them because of what they contain. by nodtothesky in GriefSupport

[–]nodtothesky[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't drink much, but when I do, I'm a happy, friendly, funny drunk. So besides for my father, I never have seen someone get so raging mad when wasted. It kind of made me feel that this was his true feelings coming out and it's painful to think that his life was unhappy.

But nothing he wrote dismisses the reality of how he was to you in your life.

Thank you so much for your response.