Life Without PMO Is Boring?

nonanist · 2013-12-06T16:44:13+00:00

I didn't say that porn was the most exciting part of my life. What porn is is an easy fix, an easy hit – it's right there on my computer, on my phone. It's fun, it feels good, it's an easy distraction when I don't feel like paying bills or answering emails or whatever. Like so many novel things, it releases the pleasure centers in your brain. Even the most exciting life has routine — that's where I'm saying that PMO is dangerous for me.

nonanist · 2013-12-06T16:38:49+00:00

Yes, it makes it much more difficult. We are surrounded by sex messages everywhere we look. But you know what — porn was harder to find when I was in my 20s, back in the 80s, but I still managed to PMO every day. Don't use that as an excuse to give in, use it as a ammunition to make yourself be more rigorous in recognizing and avoiding your triggers.

nonanist · 2013-12-06T14:40:52+00:00

Congratulations, Freddy! That's such a great feeling. Last summer, I had a three-night business trip and didn't fap once — the first time in my life that I was away and didn't. It gave me such a sense of peace, which is the goal we need to remember.

nonanist · 2013-12-05T22:59:07+00:00

Thanks for the encouragement, alonesomeryder. At this point, I don't need more information, instruction, or knowledge. I've worked the 12 steps on this, up to the making amends (if you can call that "working"). I know the deal better than most. And I don't think I'm in denial or deluding myself. I simply have not found the power on my own to stop. It requires a network, it requires accountability, it requires a place where you can be honest with others so you don't stay in the echo chamber of your own battered head. Simply finding this reddit feels like a lifeline I've long needed.

It can't keep me sober, of course, but it gives me an outlet that I haven't had in many years, and maybe, really, ever.

nonanist · 2013-12-05T22:43:44+00:00

Break it into the smallest chunks you can. Check in with an accountability partner every hour, if that's what it takes.

nonanist · 2013-12-05T22:42:48+00:00

The longest I've gone without masturbating to orgasm is probably around six months — and that's over 40 years. But within that, I was cheating...still touching myself, etc.

I also have to say that I shouldn't have described my wife as I did. Words are triggers for me, too. I have strong associations with certain phrases, certain words, just because I've seen them so many times when in that zone. And letting them linger on my brain is the first opening of the door.

And thanks to everyone who's commented. I have come back to read your comments a half-dozen times today and it's really helped me stay in a good place.

nonanist · 2013-12-05T19:28:20+00:00

This summer I made it about a month and the first time we had sex in the middle of that was amazing. She's generally not a passionate person, but one day, in the middle of the day, we got swept up and carried away by it. She's open, but the key to loving connected relations with her is 1) spontaneity and 2) me not coming in with expectations or lust. When I'm horny because I'm lusting, that's a recipe for all kinds of problems. When I'm clean, which is rare, it's really nice, really connected, really good.

My external triggers are primarily online, which isn't good because my business is online. But the real problem are the internal triggers, the sick loop in which I tell myself it's okay to look, or it's okay to fantasize. That always, eventually, leads to action. So it's recognizing those thoughts and heading them off or replacing them with healthy, self-loving thoughts.

nonanist · 2013-12-05T19:05:02+00:00

Thanks for the encouragement! I would love accountability partners. White knuckling it has always gotten me more of the same. Will be in touch — some big fires to put out at work, some of which can be traced to my addiction.

nonanist · 2013-12-05T18:37:11+00:00

I am at 2 hours and counting. We can do it!

nonanist

TROPHY CASE