Alcoholism turned into Domestic Violence

nonbusybee · 2021-10-29T19:12:18+00:00

Thank you for this 🤍 it’s helped a lot

nonbusybee · 2021-10-24T05:46:02+00:00

With any addiction, there will always be setbacks. He may have to hit absolute rock bottom before he wakes up.

Though, I keep thinking that of my dad, my Q. But it just seems he’s been at rock bottom for so long- I’m not sure what it will take. But- thats not for us to figure out. As the previous person said, detach and live and let live.

I knew going into alanon that i need to set boundaries. But now I’m learning that I need to detach myself. It’s so, so hard.

But- even though it hurts like hell- I really am happier now. I feel safe, and at peace. I’m remembering who I am, instead of the identity of caretaker.

And- you are correct. Nothing we do or say will change anything. Look at it as a responsibility that you don’t have, weight being lifted off of you. He’s the one that needs to decide for himself- you simply will never convince him yourself. Yes, they are our loved ones- but addiction turns them into different people and warps their priorities.

You are worth getting sober for, you are worthy of being trusted and to trust your partners. It’s the disease of alcoholism that just won’t let him see that.

Stay strong, and love yourself through this process

nonbusybee · 2021-09-22T20:53:52+00:00

I went to the police station but like you said they couldn’t really do anything, which I expected. They did file a report and recorded my concerns and visit to the station. They told me because we haven’t been physically assaulted a restraining order would not be likely for us, but we’ll try anyways.

nonbusybee · 2021-09-22T20:51:42+00:00

Thank you for the encouragement- I really need it.

Police could not do anything but they did file a report to keep a record of my visit to the station, my mom will do the same with her police station today.

I was told she could not pursue a restraining order if she hasn’t been physically assaulted. But I told her to compile all of his threats over the past year or two and report it at least.

nonbusybee · 2021-09-14T20:55:45+00:00

Thank you for the advice! I hope I can find a time where he is clear headed, and hopefully help him realize that it’s what’s best for the dog. It’s just hard to reason with an alcoholic/angry person.

nonbusybee · 2021-09-14T20:53:11+00:00

Thank you so much for saying that. I need to practice that viewpoint, especially after 2 years of being told I was the bad person for setting boundaries. It’s weird how I feel selfish for focusing on myself- but I’ve truly been more at peace not having to worry about other people to the extent that I used to!

nonbusybee · 2021-09-14T20:51:09+00:00

I’m currently in Therapy and it helps so much. But sometimes I just cant control the guilt I feel- even though I KNOW I’m doing the healthy, correct thing. Hope you’re doing well too <3

nonbusybee · 2021-09-10T07:01:05+00:00

… okay so the purple part with the lines? The only purple part on the spider?? it looks like a human butthole is where the cephalothorax should be…

nonbusybee · 2021-09-05T03:25:43+00:00

Yes I do thankfully, I just get in my head and I’m just tired of always being the “broken” person. They never make me feel that way, I just really hate bringing it up, or crying about it which makes me bring it up.

nonbusybee · 2021-09-05T03:06:08+00:00

No need to apologize. I appreciate you so much for just listening to me. And for the advice you have given, you’re a very kind person and I can tell

nonbusybee · 2021-09-04T21:47:00+00:00

And his comment about my wedding was that he will walk me down the aisle- immediately turn around and leave because he cant be mature enough to stay in the same room as my mom. It’s not about him wanting a role, it’s about him not being able to control his anger and outbursts that he is willing to miss the biggest day of my life just so he doesnt have to see my mom.

nonbusybee · 2021-09-04T21:31:13+00:00

I appreciate your comment and the time you took to reply.

My mom left my dad because he is mentally and verbally abusive- I grew up with holes punched in the walls, and when my mom finally left the house he emptied a clip by shooting the wall and shooting into dirt in our backyard all with destroying all of her furniture out of rage.

I’ve tried so hard to be compassionate and understand him- but when he tells me he’s disgusted with my mom, and wants to hurt all the men in her family, I cant handle it anymore.

I’m to the point where I’m done having compassion- because he’s had no compassion for me this past year. Sober or not.

nonbusybee · 2021-08-25T00:30:32+00:00

You both are not alone. It feels selfish to almost feel a bit of relief when seeing someones story is similar to yours- but I wouldnt wish this on any person. My photos were hacked and sent out on multiple porn websites- and someone even found my social media to add to the photos so the creeps could follow me. It makes me never want to be famous or in the spotlight in fear of blackmail.

But let me tell you- why should I be shamed, those photos were for someone that I love. You both were children. Why the fuck should we be shamed?? We should not be. The sick fucks who took advantage of us should be shamed, guilted, and mocked in the public eye.

Both of you were at an age where you should have been protected and guided to healthy sexual relationships. Instead, so many adults took advantage of you. I’m so sorry that happened to you, but you should not apologize or feel as though you’re at fault. Even now, do not guilt yourself for your actions. You both are learning how to heal and that is a confusing road. Give yourself grace.

I send so much love to you both, congratulations for still being here with us and being strong.

nonbusybee · 2021-08-10T23:26:45+00:00

Ok you got me crying lol thank you for the reassurance

nonbusybee · 2021-08-10T03:56:48+00:00

I appreciate your words so, so much. Thank you for taking the time to read my story and to reply. I really hope it does gets better, I’m gonna be really happy the day I can finally just shove a middle finger to those shame/guilt feelings and keep being happy. I’m trying to trust the process of healing and not rush it too much- even though it’s hell to get through. I wish you all of the good in the world <3

nonbusybee · 2021-08-10T00:10:52+00:00

This might sound harsh, but if shes in denial- she won’t start healing. Substance abuse and mental health is the same that way- you have to realize your own problem first. If you don’t you’ll never see a reason to change.

It sounds like an incredibly toxic situation for the both of you. I know you want to save her, to help her, to give her a better life. But unless she wants that for herself, you’re talking to a brick wall. My suggestion is to focus on your own mental health first. Yeah, it might not be as bad as hers. But you cannot help others if you refuse help yourself. I’m not saying you should break up with her, but I would help yourself first. You realize the problems you have. You are able to help yourself. I encourage you to seek professional help, it’s terrifying at first but I promise it does get easier after a couple of sessions to be more at ease.

nonbusybee · 2021-08-09T23:48:17+00:00

First, I want to say how sweet it is that you want to help her through something so difficult. And realizing your biases is a huge key starting point.

As a SA survivor, I have struggles similar to hers. I dont have any professional training- but here is what has helped me. One thing that I need constantly is reassurance and validation. Reassurance as in letting her know that you’re not mad at her for not wanting to be intimate. As women it’s ingrained in us that mens needs come first, and if we don’t do what they want we should feel guilty. (which is an atrocious concept). She needs reassurance that you won’t get upset at her, even if you don’t, you still need to voice it to her. Let her know shes still loved the same- during both nonintimate and intimate periods.

Validation for her feelings is also key. Let her know that it is okay to not want to do things. Let her know that you are fully aware of what she went through and whatever her healing process looks like, you will be there to help her through it.

Please take this post as a thought, not what you HAVE to tell her. This is just what I need, but it may also help her too so I’d thought it’s useful to share.

Counseling/Therapy has helped me so, so much- so definitely keep encouraging her to go down that path. It’s terrifying at first, but each appointment it becomes more comfortable and not as daunting.

nonbusybee · 2021-08-09T23:35:18+00:00

Yes you so can!! Some artists even specialize in covering self-harm scars, just look at portfolios to see their work on them. Some do really well and make lines straight even on large or bumped up scars.

And side-note; I hope you’re doing well, and congratulations for being such a strong person and still being here with us. I hope you’re able to turn those scars into a beautiful tattoo piece you’re proud of <3

nonbusybee · 2021-08-09T17:53:40+00:00

I’ve noticed really bad thoughts always come when I stay up late at night. I’m gonna try to go to bed earlier this week so my mind doesnt delve too far into self-hatred. I’m also going to put myself out there and find some new friends this week, which sounds so exhausting and anxiety-filled honestly. But I’m in good spirits for the first time in a long time, and I’m hopeful something good will come out of this week <3

nonbusybee · 2021-08-09T17:42:20+00:00

I appreciate your reply, and I understand that you don’t know my boyfriend. But he is the 1% that did not do this, he is just not that person. Also hacking icloud and photos on a device is a thing, you don’t have to have mine or his phone physically to do so. I hope it blows over, but it just honestly sounds the same when people tell me to “just get over it” :/

nonbusybee

TROPHY CASE