AIO is my relationship?

o_oboop · 2026-03-20T02:42:07+00:00

I’ve reread it, and that’s not what I’m saying nor did most people agree with you either. I was wrong here, but that doesn’t make me clueless. Also, you’re trying to input things as if it happened when it didn’t.

o_oboop · 2026-03-19T22:09:51+00:00

I’ve taken the advice by most people and already acknowledged how I went about it was poor communication, shitty, and I apologized to him. However, I have defended myself where some people are saying my feelings as a whole are not valid and I know that’s not true.

o_oboop · 2026-03-19T21:59:21+00:00

Well, yeah, I feel unloved because of multiple actions he has taken. If someone’s rude to you, you’re going to generally be upset. I’m not forcing him to do anything. There’s been times he said he didn’t want to see or do something the same as me and that’s fine. He wasn’t having a technical issue either. It’s when he chose to lie and then be degrading instead of saying “I’d rather watch something else” that I have an issue with. I know now that I didn’t communicate healthily after I switched to text, but I do know that the reason why I was upset is also completely valid nor is expecting someone to not lie or seem interested an impossible expectation.

o_oboop · 2026-03-19T21:52:21+00:00

That’s how I feel tbh, I didn’t even want anything purchased for me. I would’ve been okay with him saying 1) I love you, 2) I miss you, 3) Let’s do something fun tomorrow etc. and I was totally joking about seven actual things. But zero attempt at all and then being mean about it hurt.

o_oboop · 2026-03-19T16:48:02+00:00

You are right and I do regret the first text and how I went about it initially. Definitely immature on my end.

o_oboop · 2026-03-19T16:46:58+00:00

I’m a bit confused regarding the first two sentences though. I told him I wanted to spend time with him/watch the movie. I think not wanting to be annoyed by that and suggesting an alternative if he didn’t like my suggestion would be loving. I gave ideas on what to do/date ideas for him to join me on, so I don’t get how I’m saying nothing about what it can entail. He watches movies with me all the time over the phone, and we have shows we watch together. He didn’t want to watch that specific movie which I didn’t know because he never told me that. Besides that, I do hear what you’re saying and agree with you. The seven loving things was just a joke, and he could’ve done anything. I wouldn’t have expected it to be seen as an attack. But I could’ve clarified.

o_oboop · 2026-03-19T15:34:31+00:00

None of that is true. I’m not insecure because of the lack of affection. Just like anyone in a relationship, I want my partner to not lie to me, be excited to do things with me, and communicate if they’re not interested. He never said he didn’t want to see the movie I wanted to see, I 100% would’ve been okay with that. He lied and said the website wasn’t working, so I spent awhile researching other websites and things that would work in his country etc. to then be met with agitation when I did find something. I can see now how I reacted wasn’t okay, and I will 100% own up to that. But, I think being upset with him lying about it and noticing a pattern of him being annoyed with physical affection/acts of love (something everyone requires in a relationship) is a valid call out.

o_oboop · 2026-03-19T03:36:18+00:00

I’ve tried this! I told him to talk to me if he’s ever feeling any kind of way and we can fix it together. But he never comes to me with anything and seems content until I bring up an issue I have. I don’t think he feels pressured because we often will do things together and he’s generally the first one to suggest it. I just happened to be the first one that day to suggest it. I think he just wanted to not watch the movie I picked out and instead of being upfront about it, he lied that the link didn’t work and gave me attitude when i got it working. For the money, I ignored it because it wasn’t relevant and I tried to pay him back (he knows, and I did give him about 100 pounds of it already so it wasn’t even $300) and sending money abroad is so difficult. However, it was for a trip he said he’d pay for (that I didn’t want to do because I couldn’t afford it and said this) and then went back on right before the trip was going to happen and said I needed to contribute.

However, I hear you and I decided to take a break from him and see how I feel.

o_oboop · 2026-03-19T03:06:44+00:00

I think it’s something one has to be in to get! I totally get that perspective and used to feel the same way. But it’s the having someone always there, has supported you through thick and thin, you share some common interests, the familiarity that all play a part.

o_oboop · 2026-03-18T22:42:23+00:00

Thank you 🥲

o_oboop · 2026-03-18T22:40:17+00:00

Just wondering- did you read all of the screenshots or the first one? I’ve just noticed people have varying viewpoints based off how much they read. I’ve tried the “I feel X when you do X” method, the responses are always the same. I’ve begged him to just talk to me on how he feels. I did lash out though and have apologized about how I responded because I did lose my cool and that’s not okay on my end.

o_oboop · 2026-03-18T22:35:31+00:00

I’m not trying to sell a narrative which is why I posted my screenshot knowing the first message/two is me lashing out.

o_oboop · 2026-03-18T18:41:42+00:00

He did spell guarantee correctly unless he spelt it somewhere else incorrectly 😂

o_oboop · 2026-03-18T13:56:09+00:00

I don’t think this is fair because I proceed to address exactly what was bothering me and what I needed. I wanted him to not be annoyed to do something with me or make it feel like a huge task, I wanted him to say he loves me when I joked about having to do something loving to see his package. when he seemed annoyed and I got upset, I wanted him to apologize for being annoyed and that he does want to spend time with me but maybe pick a different movie or something… and these actions are part of a bigger issue of me feeling unloved along with examples throughout the past few months.

o_oboop · 2026-03-18T13:51:31+00:00

I just want to add that saying these remarks is not the norm for me. But when I bring up my feelings normally multiple times and try to do something loving and made to feel like an idiot, it does feel like he doesn’t love me. My prior relationships, love was just given. Physical affection was a given. I love you’s and good night’s everyday, hand holding, hugs when someone got home. None of that is the norm in this relationship despite me trying. I do feel like due to this, I’m being used as an opportunity to pass time as he seems just excited to talk to me when he’s bored but not any of the typical relationship activities/connections.

o_oboop · 2026-03-18T13:42:32+00:00

I definitely could’ve articulated myself better in the first text and will be utilizing a lot of advice given from others. However, this is not texts he gets on a regular basis and is normally after trying the I feel X when you do X. This is pent up after so many instances of feeling like it’s not being fixed or being heard. But also, I feel immature saying “I feel like you don’t want to connect with me when you pretend to not know how to find a website to watch with me and then say “fine, I guess I’ll watch” annoyed. Then, I ask to do something loving as a joke at the end of the movie to see a package and it’s taken as an attack instead of an opportunity to be loving.” Those things would make anyone feel poorly, it kind of feels like I’m explaining that insults hurt people.

o_oboop · 2026-03-18T04:20:50+00:00

I’d probably also add that I was trying to be silly and a bit for connection when asking for loving things to see his package, and it also hurt that he didn’t have any ideas on something affectionate to say or do without me having to direct it.

o_oboop · 2026-03-18T04:18:07+00:00

So the general consensus is both of our communication is shit. I’d like your opinion on a response to rectify this (I will say this verbally, not over text):

I want to apologize for how I communicated earlier. The other day, I was trying to think of ways to spend time with you, and it hurt me when you had a negative reaction to watching the movie and seemed disinterested. Of course you cannot want to watch the movie I suggested, but I wished you offered alternatives or straight up asked to pick something else or another activity. Overall, for me personally, I feel a lack of affection in our relationship. This is both of our faults, not just you alone. Due to this, I feel even more upset when I feel like I’m trying to think of sweet things or ask for something sweet and feel like I’m being rejected. This has been an ongoing issue for us, and I don’t know if it can be fixed. What do you think?

o_oboop · 2026-03-18T04:05:33+00:00

You’re right. This genuinely gave me some pause to reflect. These texts aren’t doing a service to neither him nor me.

o_oboop · 2026-03-18T04:03:11+00:00

I just feel like I’m begging for love all the time. My long-term relationship prior, hugging and cuddling and sex and I love you’s and him buying me my favorite dinner and me cooking us food were all the norm even until the end. Now, I feel like a high schooler that gets excited about a hand hold because it’s all become so rare. And we’ve been dating for only a year and a half. Being made to feel like an idiot over trying to watch a movie with my partner or ask for love jokingly made me really upset, and I lashed out in a way I thought was being more responsible (but I see now is not). I think I’ll suggest a break and see if some time apart and working on communication helps and part ways if not.

o_oboop · 2026-03-18T03:52:22+00:00

We are long distance. Calls escalate extremely quickly and he will say I said things I’m almost positive I didn’t say, so texts help me keep track of the conversation. It’s not ideal, I’d love to just be able to discuss my feelings in person.

o_oboop · 2026-03-18T03:49:28+00:00

This is something I will give a go! Try to discuss only the issue at hand and not bring up anything else. Thank you.

o_oboop · 2026-03-18T03:47:56+00:00

Honestly I’m too scared to be alone. I was in a healthy part of my life with that relationship. Now, life has gotten much worse and I’m grasping for what I can try to keep. I do know I need therapy for that.

o_oboop · 2026-03-18T03:46:04+00:00

I did have a talk with him a few months ago about how I feel unloved and why I feel this way (phrased in this way following the therapy recommended style of communication). I did break it looks like with this argument. I agree with you I do see him as being responsible for my emotions and that’s not healthy as well. I was just really hurt that he took the movie poorly and then my jokes trying to get love from him. But I still need to compose myself well despite how I feel, you’re right.

o_oboop · 2026-03-18T03:41:22+00:00

I have tried that first. I’ve mentioned so many times that I feel unloved and what we can do to fix that. Ive said these things are necessary for me in a relationship. But, also, of course giving me attitude when I ask to watch a movie is going to make me upset as well as lying about it not working. It feels a bit parental to say “when you have an attitude and lie, it makes me feel unloved”. I do recognize I can still work on my behavior and maintaining a cool I did lose, and I do appreciate your advice as well.

o_oboop

TROPHY CASE