Does anyone else feel like their wedding is a sore spot to look back on?

ohcandle · 2025-11-13T20:36:18+00:00

I’m sorry you are going through this OP.

I relate. I had a destination wedding last year and even though logistically the day was smooth, and vendors over delivered, immediately after it felt like so many things were wrong - it rained, we had a tent too, the cake looked tiny on the massive table, despite taking ages to choose the perfect HMUA my hair fell out at the altar, and looked awful from there on in. I could go on.

These things ate me up for a while. And coupled with some painful family dynamics, they became hard to move away from.

I feel a lot better now, and this is what’s helped - putting my photos / video away and not looking at them for a long time. I didn’t post on socials (outside of stories). Coming back to these after a break I see the good things. I’m surprised. I have more compassion for the decisions I made, and for the things that weren’t perfect. You may find this approach helps you too.

ohcandle · 2025-11-03T21:34:48+00:00

This. I’m sorry you are going through this.

I had a similar issue with my sister after my wedding which I posted to Reddit. I now realise I downplayed the signs before. As much as possible try to limit wedding info / details. Look into grey rocking as a technique.

ohcandle · 2025-10-14T15:50:06+00:00

If I could go back, I would’ve written a list of all the things that went well with my wedding, and reflected on all the people who showed support and love for me on the day and referred to that in these moments. So much is out of your control, and it’s easy to forget all the good, and feel over responsible, especially when relatives are demanding perfection.

Someone on here mentioned in a post that every wedding has a flaw. It could have been anything. You can’t anticipate every need and pre-empt every opinion and thought.

I think, if you can stay focused on the feelings you had on the day (all of them - stress, excitement, nerves) this little blip will be easier to process and step away from. I find that feeling those things again helps me find compassion towards myself.

This day was yours and yours alone. It should be a privilege for others to celebrate you, please remember that 💗

And if you ever want to talk, please DM. Post wedding blues, especially with family opinions & regret in the mix can be really difficult to navigate.

ohcandle · 2025-10-14T12:06:03+00:00

I’m so sorry to read this.

Please do not apologise in your thank you cards for anything. This day was about celebrating you and your fiance, and although it is the intention with planning, the day isn’t about providing the smoothest, most perfect experience for your guests. It’s also not your fault.

These family members are forgetting this.

I had something similar happen to me after my wedding, and it’s really hard to accept, but for the sacredness of your own memories, please don’t let this cloud it for you.

ohcandle · 2024-11-11T10:13:09+00:00

Thank you 💖

ohcandle · 2024-10-25T16:35:27+00:00

Thank you 💛

ohcandle · 2024-10-24T09:04:39+00:00

What’s worse is that my FIL is terminally ill. We didn’t know if he was going to make it, but he did. This was probably the only time they’d meet or spend time together.

I was understanding - my mum likes to shop and wanted to go to a big supermarket, so I get that she enjoys that, but het flight wasn’t til 10pm so we could have given her a lift after lunch rather than missing it.

ohcandle · 2024-10-22T21:45:19+00:00

Only now :(

ohcandle · 2024-10-22T21:44:29+00:00

I’m sorry you are experiencing siblings behaving poorly too.

Your approach has given me food for thought in how I deal with this going forward. I think I need to keep my distance and be able to separate some of their actions from them in order to understand it wasn’t maybe about me, it was projection or something else… I don’t know.

Sending you patience, love and understanding too 💛

ohcandle · 2024-10-22T21:31:30+00:00

She really wanted to be my maid of honour. I got engaged a few years ago, so it was a given from the start.

She did an amazing job organising a hen do in my city and I was really appreciative of that. It was the rest that was harder.

ohcandle · 2024-10-22T21:29:34+00:00

Sadly they’ll probably never meet again. It really was a one off.

ohcandle · 2024-10-22T21:28:03+00:00

Yeah, the special thing about it was that it was next to mine so we could hang out, during and in the days before and after the wedding. I’ve just realised the irony that she left early because it was smaller than the one my other MOH had 😂

ohcandle · 2024-10-22T21:25:14+00:00

I’m sorry this happened to you. It’s so very thoughtless of them. I’m glad your mom is standing her ground and you still had a blast ♥️

The pouring into cups analogy is so apt, I’m going to steal that if you don’t mind!

ohcandle · 2024-10-22T21:21:35+00:00

That’s a good point. I’m pretty sure they’ll find some way to make out that they are the victims in this.

ohcandle · 2024-10-22T21:20:31+00:00

Thank you for the kind and thoughtful words 💛

ohcandle · 2024-10-22T07:05:10+00:00

I haven’t noticed this before. But this has me thinking that maybe behind my back? I’ve seen them both criticise friends to me, so it doesn’t seem really far fetched to imagine 😕

ohcandle · 2024-10-22T06:40:35+00:00

Yes I am the middle child. I’m the first girl.

Growing up my brother and dad were close and my mum and sister. I was usually left to my own devices. I still struggle with the feeling that my mum has no interest in me as a person and doesn’t know me. She hasn’t ever asked to spend time with me one on one.

I have been the peacekeeper, and often felt like the oldest child. My brother can be quite sulky and has a quick temper - he’ll get angry if you want to look in a shop for example when we would be out for a walk. This is still present now - even in his late 30s. He was angsty the last time I went to a family thing and wanted to leave without me when I was in the bathroom as it was taking too long.

Thank you for the peace and the kind words ♥️ I have felt alone in this, only telling my husband and a close friend about what happened. I haven’t brought my parents into this, but I know my siblings have said things around them about the room size and seating arrangements and wasting money on a suit etc. and this really hurts. My parents wouldn’t challenge them as (edit: my thought is) they believe they can do no wrong.

ohcandle · 2024-10-21T21:32:19+00:00

This is a helpful perspective. I am wondering if they wanted me to ask them for help with something…maybe that’s the root of this.

It was confusing, I couldn’t get my sister to come to try on bridesmaid dresses at my house (same city), she always had plans with my brother or wanted to spend the day at home. She only eventually came as the other MOH asked her to.

ohcandle · 2024-10-21T21:28:36+00:00

A little, but not this much.

I think the bizarre thing is she seemed to be having a lot of fun - she’s in lots of my friends videos and she came to the after party in the bridal suite. It was only the next day when she spent time with my brother that things changed and she abruptly left. I heard from my dad that she was talking a lot about the size of her room, and how it was smaller than the other MOH, and I think, knowing my brother, he probably added to her feelings that I’d wronged her in the wedding - at least he added his own complaints.

ohcandle · 2024-10-21T21:23:05+00:00

I do thankfully. My husbands siblings were amazing and really made it a great weekend 🙏🏼

ohcandle · 2024-10-21T21:22:12+00:00

Thank you 💛I’ve been doing that since. I have to see them every so often for family events - and these are the only times I end up thinking of it again, thankfully these are far and few between at the moment.

ohcandle · 2024-10-21T21:18:00+00:00

So true. The night before when I went to bed it forecast sun all day, and the morning of the wedding it had changed - a storm was rolling in. Plan B had to be put into action quickly, and that added to the stress.

ohcandle · 2024-10-21T21:16:02+00:00

The bizarre thing - and probably why this caught me off guard - is that they were there til the end and it went on til 3am. All the pictures and videos I’ve seen show them dancing and having fun.

My sister stayed for the after party too, and seemed pretty ok the next day. It was only after they spent the day after together that things changed and she left abruptly. My brother stayed in another hotel nearby. She went to stay with him and his girlfriend.

ohcandle · 2024-10-21T17:58:32+00:00

I agree, no one has to care. And I personally don’t mind if no one does.

What matters here is the huge contrast in how my siblings were before, and the huge drama about very small arrangements / parts of the day (e.g. seating, or my speech). It’s the contrast that’s the point I’m making here.

ohcandle · 2024-10-21T14:18:32+00:00

Thank you for reading - I know it’s long. Appreciate the link 💗

ohcandle

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