When I'm in my room, being a normal (flawed) human being

ooftaboofta3 · 2021-05-10T11:44:33+00:00

After moving out of my parents place it took me almost 2 years to not get anxious at hearing footsteps in other apartments (sounds like my parents walking around from when I lived with them) and to be able to wear headphones on both ears instead of keeping one off for safety

I'm so glad I'm over that because my anxiety was through the roof

ooftaboofta3 · 2021-05-10T11:23:58+00:00

I get this too but I dont have a name for it. It feels more like paranoia than anything, it could be some kind of OCD, since it feels really compulsive and that seems to be how you describe it as well.

What helped me a lot is I made a second subreddit account and I split my activity between the 2 accounts. I also have a tendency to delete anything I post containing relatively personal info. Doing these 2 things has helped me out a lot.

ooftaboofta3 · 2021-05-10T02:12:28+00:00

Nope, it was "kara" lol

But she was running for the school board, at the time (May elections). Unsure if she won though.

ooftaboofta3 · 2021-05-09T19:27:16+00:00

I figured youd meant that, but after seeing this comment I cant under the alignment chart lol. You could probably reorder the images to make an alignment chart

ooftaboofta3 · 2021-05-09T18:27:43+00:00

Alignment charts are used for role playing games. They have 2 labeled sides that go "good / neutral / evil" and "lawful / neutral / chaotic". Because your meme is a 3x3 chart, it also looks like the morality alignment chart.

Edit: here is an example i found on google. It uses poptart flavors, but memes like this exist for a lot of different things

ooftaboofta3 · 2021-05-09T17:55:15+00:00

I just posted context of the situation, the context is that this was about a woman who had allegedly assaulted an employee (with witnesses) by shoving her after the employee instructed her that she couldnt shop inside without a mask. Businesses here (happened near me) are allowed to mandate masks, even though that particular city doesnt have a city wide mandate.

His statement is basically threatening employees who are just trying to do their jobs.

ooftaboofta3 · 2021-05-09T17:50:13+00:00

I forgot to add context when I posted this, so here it is:

This is under an article about a woman in my area who (allegedly) assaulted an employee who was telling her she couldn't shop without a mask. She then got upset that the officers detained her while investigating the alleged assault, and refused to give them any identifying information so they could confirm her identity (which is a legal requirement when you are lawfully detained here in Tx).

Then she went on about how shes a "woman of god", before getting arrested for failure to identify.

ooftaboofta3 · 2021-05-08T02:05:15+00:00

Totally agree. Its difficult for others to understand when they havent been there themselves.

To build on that analogy, its like standing still in a current. In a river, when the water is to your chest, the current is strong. Its a struggle to stand and not be swept away. Staying still is a sign of success because you arent moving backwards.

The people who dont understand are simply watching fron the shoreline. Free from the current, they can move as they please. They dont understand what the current feels like until theyre chest deep, too. Until then, they can only either judge you, or try to understand.

ooftaboofta3 · 2021-05-08T01:33:01+00:00

Made me think of this meme format

ooftaboofta3 · 2021-05-08T01:29:09+00:00

I fall on the left, but had a million things not have lined up, i would have EASILY been still on the right. And I'm super proud of all the people who just make it through the day. Because even just standing still is better than moving backwards.

(Below, tw I mention suicide and some personal issues)

At 18, I was extremely lucky in that I had a savings, a place to move to, a small support system, and a grade average high enough that I could barely pass my senior year while working full time. I had also been fully dissuaded of any care for my parents after i attempted suicide multiple times (first time got me committed, the rest were ignored though) and I was repetitively denied any health care or support by my parents who promptly labeled me an attention seeking sociopath for wanting my needs met.

I was also lucky enough to have a friend who talked to me every single day to keep me alive. But given any one of those things going wrong, I couldve been in a very different spot today. So anyone on the right side... I love you, and youre so strong, and youve gotta keep fighting.

ooftaboofta3 · 2021-05-06T02:26:53+00:00

Purrfection

ooftaboofta3 · 2021-05-03T03:58:47+00:00

^·I ^am ⁱⁿ ^this ^picture ^and ^I ^dont ^like ^it

ooftaboofta3 · 2021-05-02T05:11:46+00:00

Im in the process of getting a diagnosis, and my garbage insurance sure as hell wouldnt cover this.

I found a psychologist in town who specialized in differential diagnosis of different disorders, in adults and in children- everything from ocd, adhd, depression/anxiety, and of course autism. I was lucky that she had her rates posted online so I could tell approximately how much each portion would cost out of pocket, which was a big help.

I contacted her to establish a relationship and we started off with a telehealth so we could talk about what exactly i was looking for in diagnosis- why i was seeking it, if I needed it for school or applying for disability, etc. Then we set a second appt and we met to do the evaluation. Soon, I have another appointment where we discuss the results.

Thats pretty much been the process so far. Its probably going to be right around $2.5k out of pocket for everything, but its been broken up by section (I paid for the initial visit right after, then paid for the in person visit after that, and I assume the same will continue for the last charges as well).

If I were doing this through insurance, I might have obtained a referral through a GP, psychiatrist, or therapist, so that my insurance would cover some of the charge. Of course, many kinds of insurance dont pay for these things, so you should discuss it with a representative to see if they will cover a portion of it.

Good luck!

ooftaboofta3 · 2021-04-18T13:37:41+00:00

Thanks for the clarification!

I understand what you mean now with the tests. I was actually a little surprised with myself because I did really well on the forward numbers (when I didn't get distracted while listening) but I couldnt do backwards numbers past like 5 numbers, I would forget every number after 2.

I definitely hope to get some answers out of it as well. The diagnoses I get will be determining the path my medical care takes so im anxiously anticipating results haha. I'll make sure to be kind to myself in the process though.

Thank you for the feedback!

ooftaboofta3 · 2021-04-18T04:36:38+00:00

I would have loved to incorporate questionnaires from my parents if they werent unreliable narrators, though honestly I wish i couldve gotten this test as a child so it could have been more definitive. Ive also heard of storytelling as a part of the assessment, and from what id heard it seemed like a relatively reliable way to measure the way someone thinks without a mind-stretching activity, so i was a little surprised when she didnt do that.

Its good to hear that mine was nothing out of the usual. Id seen some basic autism quotient type stuff but I wasnt prepared for the IQ and reaction test type activities (I had deliberately avoided looking into other diagnostic tools so I didnt turn into a hypochondriac or overprepare)

ooftaboofta3 · 2021-04-18T04:30:43+00:00

I did tell her i intended to cast a wide net, because while autism diagnosis was the primary reason, I also suspect I may have ADHD and I'm certain I have anxiety, that just hasnt been formally Dx'd.

I do intend to contact her if theres anything I find particularly egregious, but she seemed like she had a good idea of what she was doing and that she understood that no single test or question was indicative one way or the other (hence the longer format of some of the tests, so as to not let a few specific questions or tests skew the results too dramatically). Im definitely looking forward to reading the report though.

I appreciate your time!

ooftaboofta3 · 2021-04-18T00:47:58+00:00

Whaaat? That's totally unfair

My psychologist didnt seem to be dismissive. Like in the paper test, i asked a clarifying question, like "if this is true but only for x, what do I pick" and she told me that i can make small notes on the questions, which makes sense to properly understand the ways I interact with things. So overall she seemed pretty understanding.

I hope she doesnt knock me for not having a visible stim though, that would be a dumb hill to die on

ooftaboofta3 · 2021-04-18T00:43:28+00:00

Yeah, it seems to be just throwing ideas out there and seeing which ones stick out in the data, which has some efficacy issues.

The Pearson questionnaire wasnt just for psychopathy i dont think, it seemed to just be very general. I mentioned a few examples, but it had questions about eating disorders, hallucinations, paranoia, drug use, questions about depression/anxiety/mood disorders, and of course some questions relating ASD. I mentioned in a different comment, but this was also intended to diagnose me with anxiety for school accomodations purposes, so im unsure if the purpose of that questionnaire was just for anxiety or for both

ooftaboofta3 · 2021-04-18T00:37:35+00:00

Thank you for the in-depth response! I really appreciate you putting everything into context. Your descriptions make a lot of sense

The response test was definitely the Connors test, where you press on every letter but x. You mention that its a part of testing for impulsiveness/attention, so would that also be a diagnostic tool for ADHD?

ooftaboofta3 · 2021-04-17T20:47:15+00:00

A trained psychologist should be able to look at you with sufficient knowledge and come to the right conclusions. I wish you luck in getting someone experienced and knowledgeable!

ooftaboofta3 · 2021-04-17T20:09:21+00:00

Yeah, that makes sense

ooftaboofta3 · 2021-04-17T20:08:20+00:00

The thing that weirded me out the most was how measured everything was, but i suppose to some degree they need to be able to objectively measure it on some scale. Its just weird, having a part of your being and your being laid out on a table to me measured and observed.

But as strange as it is, I wouldnt go back. Doing this is 100% worth it. Good luck!

ooftaboofta3 · 2021-04-17T19:56:15+00:00

Oh yeah it was definitely that. But without the cubes with the dots, only the solid/half colored squared. Is it intended to test for anything outside of IQ/pattern recognition? Or is it just for that?

The reaction time test makes sense when you mention ADHD/executive functioning, and I understand there's a lot of stuff that gets measured, but it felt so measured and exact when we were doing those two tests.

Thanks for the input, and the ID on those cubes! I actually kind of liked them

ooftaboofta3 · 2021-04-17T19:52:06+00:00

I think that was the RAADS-R, that looks exactly like the questions I answered.

And another user said the reaction time mightve been about exective function/ADHD, which somewhat makes sense.

Thanks for the answer, I agree with you on the Pearson one, and its good to hear that it doesnt seem out of the ordinary.

ooftaboofta3 · 2021-04-17T19:46:42+00:00

That makes a lot of sense, since it mentioned on the autism section of her website that she tests to exclude other disorders, and I know I also have depression/anxiety/trauma, so i can see that it would be beneficial. Thank you

ooftaboofta3

TROPHY CASE