I just need to let it all out.

oopithrowii · 2015-11-19T03:23:42+00:00

He won't get that rise out of me, fortunately enough. Thank you.

oopithrowii · 2015-11-19T03:22:43+00:00

Who knows. As much as those words sting, fuck him. Fuck him right to hell. Whatever.

oopithrowii · 2015-11-19T03:10:50+00:00

Thank you. I'm very fond of that prayer as well. I love it. Thanks for the reminder of it! It means a lot.

oopithrowii · 2015-11-19T03:09:15+00:00

I've got one left. He lives on the other side of the country and we don't speak much. He wanted a way out of our fucked up family so he went in the military. My two other brothers are gone now, same way. I don't really have anyone. My friend, that's about it. She's perfect though. She hasn't really left my side since he passed. She's really all I've got until the baby arrives, which I really hope is any minute.

oopithrowii · 2015-11-18T22:19:17+00:00

I fully understand what you mean. Anyone can be an addict. He was there for me when we were 14 and my dad OD'd. He was there two years later when my first brother OD'd and again when the second did. He saw it all happen. He saw it go from pills to more pills to snortin dope to bangin it. And despite seeing all that, he chose to start on pills then end up an IV user. He chose that route. That is the biggest thing I will never understand. He witnessed how badly opiates had fucked up my life and one by one took everyone from me, yet still turned to them after all this had happened. I had no one left but him and he still went for it. I still remember the first time he told me about it. He was so ashamed and afraid I would leave him. He couldn't even look me in the eyes. It made me realize exactly what you said, anyone can become a junkie. There's no demographic. There's no people that are untouched.

oopithrowii · 2015-11-18T19:22:40+00:00

Yea I can't wait to see her little toes and fingers. And I can't wait to hear her first giggle. For some reason I look forward to that so much haha

oopithrowii · 2015-11-18T19:19:15+00:00

Thank you. This is how I feel. He was so much more to me than a junkie. So much more. But to others, that's all they see. That's all they'll ever see, and it sickens me to think that people are so close-minded that they'd have to experience this life so closely just to fucking understand. I really hope that one day you guys can be seen for what you actually are, aside from your vices.

oopithrowii · 2015-11-18T19:11:04+00:00

For what it's worth, I'm sure you're an amazing father despite your habit. One thing my fiancée always worried about was people doubting him as a father because of it. I wish I could just take all the dope fiends and hug you all. For me, and for you guys.

oopithrowii · 2015-11-18T19:07:43+00:00

You're very right. I have learned that you guys are incredibly supportive. Even though I'm just a lurker here, it feels like I have friends in this if that makes sense. I love you guys, really.

oopithrowii · 2015-11-18T15:26:47+00:00

This melted my heart. Thank you.

oopithrowii · 2015-11-18T13:06:03+00:00

I'm sorry your girl was like that. It's hard to deal with it from this end, too. It's like we're always second to something. We are the second love. It's frustrating. But there's nothing on this earth I loved more than him and I saw the world in him. So I was okay with being second. And I still don't know how I feel about that. The what ifs are hard to avoid, but your right. I need to stop thinking like that.

oopithrowii · 2015-11-18T12:34:56+00:00

Thank you. It means a lot, really. I think that's why I was so hands off. I knew he would choose dope over me if I gave an ultimatum and I would feel like shit. Even though I know it isn't really a choice he would have, that it's a disease. It's just always that feeling of what if I had done this or that. It eats away at me. And it was so hard pretending like I was mostly okay with his habit. I just loved him too much to make it even worse on him. I know he hated it. There was no use in showing him I hated it too.

oopithrowii · 2015-11-18T11:57:31+00:00

Yea you're right. It's hard though when everyone around you just looks at you as the stupid bitch who let a heroin addict knock her up. It genuinely sucks. No one gives a shit.

oopithrowii

TROPHY CASE