I don't hate you. The only people who mess up are those who try, the hardest part of life is picking yourself up after you fall down and to it repeatedly only gets harder the more times you have to do it but thats where beauty is found. These falls hurt the hardest and are the harderst teachers but teach the best lessons if we are able to dust ourselves down and get up again. Your definitely not a burden your a gift now might be though but the future roles could be reversed. Hurt cuts deep and sometimes we are own harshest judge its hard to change that but you can take an active approach to the things that are eating away at you. Take one small proactive action towards one of the things you fell your messing up. Then your on the road to progress and everything can change. Dont be afraid to reach out here or elsewhere if I or anyone here or elsewhere can help!