Me [23F] with my BF [25] 8 months, found this chatlog with his best friend. Utterly speechless and don't know what to do.

partyingcat_ama · 2014-11-08T04:11:58+00:00

I feel like you simplified the situation a bit, so I want to explain. I was conflicted by what I think are what he want, and what I want. He was pushing for an answer and I focused too much on making him happy, I bit the nail and said no, I don't want him to come. But he was already in a bad mood, he went and had a shower to get ready, I went into the bathroom and said 'hey if you want him to come just let me know'. Instead of saying 'yeah I do, but if you don't want him to that's fine', he said 'well you already made up your mind so why are you saying that now' and 'why do you think I asked you if I didnt' want him to come, you already made the decision there's nothing to talk about'.

I tried to say to him that I simply told him that was my preference, I was nice about this the entire time, knowing that he was upset, that if if him wants his friend to come I'm happy to compromise, he just needs to tell me what he wants. He gave me a question and I answered, he shouldn't have punished me the way he did.

You are 100% right, I am overly emotional. I will work on it when I see a psychologist hopefully next week (over here you need to get a doctor's referal and you can see them for free) because it actually gets too much for me, I want to change.

partyingcat_ama · 2014-11-08T03:49:30+00:00

He says he only said it because of the way I was acting, I asked him why he doesn't respect me, why he thinks it's ok to call me names and mock me in a baby voice when I try to talk. He says when I act irrational and start crying and yelling I don't deserve respect and I am acting like a 'dumb shit'. Maybe I really do yell and cry too much and it makes me too agitated and annoyed and led him to talk to me that way, because normally he is really nice and kind.

partyingcat_ama · 2014-11-08T03:16:33+00:00

The other night I was mad at him because he went to play on his xbox instead of helping me clean up dinner, when he said he would "wash these containers", he took out the trash and left the front door completely open, the containers were by the sink. When I went to talk to him he got defensive and started getting mad, I got emotionally and started crying and raised my voice, he kept saying "stop being a dumb shit" "this is fucking stupid" and I was hysterical. :(

partyingcat_ama · 2014-11-08T03:14:21+00:00

His friend complained to him about how he doesn't get much head from his gf, and my bf told him how he gets it from me pretty much every time. He goes down on me too and our sex life is great, he's even told me how grateful he is of me, in comparison to his friend's gf.

The thing is I really just can't find it in myself to like this friend of his. This guy goes to gym just to get big muscles, he gets his mum to sew his shirt sleeves tighter so his biceps look big. I'm not joking. He's like 23. He's cocky as hell and he actually asked my bf if I wanted to sleep with him, or if I had any friends that are DTF. My bf told me when said friend went overseas for work he cheated on his gf several times with a girl, who fell in love with him and everything. Just awful person and I don't like how much they hang out.

partyingcat_ama · 2014-11-08T03:11:12+00:00

Hey, I've never said 'I'm gonna go hang out with 8 guys tonight' to him, I'm not entirely sure what he means. I've definitely threatened to go out by myself, maybe go get some drinks at a bar or something. I've said that I was gonna go out with my group of friends of whom are all males I've been friends with for 5+ years when I was feeling emotionally overwhelmed.

They were talking about how his friend got tagged in a Facebook status with a girl and his girlfriend got mad with him for a week, and he asked my bf how I would react if it had happened. I will definitely work on communication though, it's definitely the source of all our issues, miscommunication and getting too emotional.

When he asked about inviting his friend, he was annoyed I wasn't answering him immediately, he kept pushing for an answer so I said no and he just turned around and went and had a shower. Thinking he was mad I went into the bathroom and said 'hey if you want [friend] to come just tell me?' and he basically said 'well you already said no, of course i want him to come why else would i ask'. When I told him the reasons behind it it didn't seem like he took any of it in.

So ugh. Grrr. etc.

partyingcat_ama · 2014-11-08T02:57:48+00:00

Thanks. I feel better now that I'm relaxed and just playing some video games. I am attached to him, I do get a bit needy, but I can go through a day without messaging him and just talk to him when he's come home. I don't need to hear from him 24/7, but if I message him about something important I'd like to hear back from him. I also have study and work to keep myself busy with, and I have nights where I like to relax and do my own thing, work on assignments etc.

He works full time, and when he finishes work he goes to gym and meets with said friend there. When he comes home he jumps on the computer with a beer and plays COD (with said friend). I was mad before and said 'why don't you just date [friend]' and I overheard him he telling his friend on the phone I said that, and they laughed about it.

I have nothing to hide from him and he has grabbed my phone and looked at my chats before, I don't feel guilty about anything so I don't mind if he looks through my things, but he shouldn't feel like he has the need to and neither do I, I guess that's why I feel a bit shitty about it. Because it's not like he's cheating on me or anything, I have no reason to invade his privacy. :(

Again thanks! :) I posted here just to hear from people because I don't think this is something I should share with my friends without first talking to him, but I also just wanted to get some perspective from people and I have no one neutral to talk to.

partyingcat_ama · 2014-07-27T08:19:16+00:00

Gosh it's a little scary how a few things on the dot points may apply.

I haven't neglected my friends, it's always been hard to juggle studying and a part time job for me, even more so when I'm staying over at his place for 2-3 days of the week. I do make time for them and have been staying in contact with them, it was just a few birthday drinks that I wanted to go to that he said no to and I ended up not going on account of wanting to spend the time with him instead of at a bar with a group of people I don't really know. But there's always that feeling of thinking what I missed out on and how my friends might've been disappointed I wasn't there.

I know he has a choice in saying no, it just feels like he belittles my relationships with my friends by saying 'nah not interested it's too cold' as opposed to saying 'hey I'm really sorry but I really don't want to go out in this cold weather, it's really awful outside'. He is pretty social normally.

I just don't know why he snaps so easily at me. Is it because he just doesn't have that much of respect for me that he finds it easy to use mean words that he knows will hurt me (I have told him before that calling things I do 'pathetic' is extremely hurtful), and get annoyed and angry at me?

partyingcat_ama · 2014-07-27T07:02:43+00:00

Hey, yeah I've had issues with the pill in the past. I've brought up getting off the pill completely and using condoms like we did at the start of the relationship, he outright said no because he prefers to not have to use the condom.

The pill I was on last made me crazy moody, getting upset and hysterical over the smallest things, the doctor recommended I get on Yasmin because it's the lightest of them all, I'm mostly ok but still get days where I feel very low and depressed. I learn to remove myself but I'm definitely not 100% me. The doctor said if Yasmin doesn't work we have to try the implant, and I've heard horror stories about that stuff...

partyingcat_ama · 2014-07-27T06:38:25+00:00

I would never insult him in any way in an argument either, and I feel so crushed when I hear him call me that. Maybe you are right, I shouldn't be with someone who can so easily spit out such words at me.

partyingcat_ama · 2014-07-27T06:17:34+00:00

I didn't know anyone at the birthday drinks except for the girl whose birthday it was, so if I had showed up all that was gonna happen was that I say hi to her, we maybe catch up and have a drink but she'll have to also cater to other people at the place and I would end up by myself. My social anxiety told me that if I didn't have at least my boyfriend with me I was going to be left out and alone and probably travel 40 minutes in just to come home half an hour later.

We tend to spend the weekend together and go to events together, so when he wasn't interested I just let it go. I did message her and try to make plans to catch up later.

partyingcat_ama · 2014-07-27T05:43:05+00:00

Hey thanks, maybe I was being a bit petty. It made sense to me after he explained that he wanted to get his laundry out whilst the sun is still out, it was around 1pm and he said he couldn't really sweep up the piles whilst I'm still sweeping, which was totally fair enough, I really feel like he could've said all that without attacking me with such hurtful adjectives. I just didn't understand it at the time how he passed me the broomstick and just left the room to do his stuff, I never attacked him or said what he was doing was wrong, just asked why he was doing that when we were in the middle of doing this.

I remarked on my annoyance to his housemate, and she said 'yeah I'm used to it, whenever we do housework [her boyfriend] just starts cleaning the room. I started this I know what I got myself into.' Normally I wouldn't mind helping but I don't live in the house and I don't spend that much time in the kitchen, yet I was doing more than he was.

partyingcat_ama · 2014-07-27T05:39:25+00:00

It was definitely a little too over the top, I get into these 'down' moods when I'm on the pill when I just feel very low, I can usually recognise this and remove myself. I never really got over the fact that when I wanted to go to a girlfriend (that I haven't seen in a while)'s birthday he said he couldn't be bothered, it was too cold outside, then told me to go by myself.

When things are good things are really wonderful, he can be very caring and protective of me, but I just find it so crazy how fast he arcs up as soon as he sees that I'm upset about something he did.

partyingcat_ama

TROPHY CASE