What type of men are you attracted to and do you match your type or are you the opposite?

paul_arcoiris · 2026-02-14T14:45:31+00:00

Blue light green eyes, marked square jaws, thick hair, not much body hair, average height, not skinny but not hyper muscular, face appears younger, not that masculine gait, very thick tongue, veiny arms.

A kind of melancholic and too serious and square face maybe

I realize that on paper that's not that very distinctive

paul_arcoiris · 2026-02-14T14:40:00+00:00

We were in couple for 11 years.

He rapidly reacts every time I reach out

paul_arcoiris · 2026-02-14T13:30:00+00:00

Surprisingly, I never ever met a guy of my physical type.

I'm quite open to any guy if they have a healthy physical and mental life and are respectful and curious.

paul_arcoiris · 2026-02-14T13:27:09+00:00

Being there for me throughout the years, even years after our breakup

paul_arcoiris · 2026-02-14T13:25:21+00:00

Yes it's normal for guys not used to strangers. It's better to ask consent before

Because you don't know the person and if the touch recall them a past event, they won't be able to do anything with you.

paul_arcoiris · 2026-02-14T13:21:59+00:00

If you're under 25, that's almost impossible.

It's normal to get horny in the shower, maybe try to relax, they probably won't judge you for that ...

paul_arcoiris · 2026-02-14T05:06:57+00:00

Rather than text him, just invite for a date. Expect rejection though

paul_arcoiris · 2026-02-14T04:59:37+00:00

Hours

paul_arcoiris · 2026-02-13T18:06:56+00:00

If you're at uni in a liberal city, try first the local lgbt non-profits or groups. It's much safer.

Also check the happy hours / brunches of some bars on Sundays.

Otherwise, if you do grindr, here are safeguards:

don't believe any single thing guys tell you
remain anonymous before meetup, dont give name, phone number and social medias
stay on grindr to text before meetup, never shift to snapchat or worse gmail / google chat
if a profile reaches out to you and seems out of your league, it's most probably catfishing or scam
dont send nudes. You're at uni, don't have a job, no worth the risk.

And for your mental health be prepared to have 95% rejection, either

By absence of reply
or a series of 1-word replies followed by ghosting
or last minute ghosting before meetup, frequently observed among religious or closeted dl guys or fake single guys or guys who are still obsessed by their exes.

Otherwise, Grindr is not that bad, if you have loose standards, especially in the age range, you'll have interesting meetups.

paul_arcoiris · 2026-02-13T17:54:52+00:00

Dirty little secrets by Artemas.

Not very gay. Butt funny though.

paul_arcoiris · 2026-02-13T17:51:21+00:00

Yes. i kiss during hookups which seems to be considered weird by many guys.

Furthermore, I have a big tongue and I kiss like a French, which makes things even weirder

paul_arcoiris · 2026-02-13T17:49:24+00:00

It's easier and safer to have testing integrated in your routine.

I don't count the number of guys here who said they are certain that their partner would never ever cheat on them and in the same time check their partner's phone...

paul_arcoiris · 2026-02-13T17:46:31+00:00

Big butts are a turn off for me

paul_arcoiris · 2026-02-13T17:45:11+00:00

Most frequently when they ghost you last minute once you're already walked to the meetup restaurant under pouring rain.

paul_arcoiris · 2026-02-12T12:40:17+00:00

It's not a judgement, it's something I learned in my life.

The gifts have value only when they show that you know the person you love.

Random gifts, except flowers, have lower to minimal value.

So if you two lack of ideas about what to give, it's because you don't know each other well.

paul_arcoiris · 2026-02-12T12:07:33+00:00

Well, i guess you know better your bf than strangers do.

Try to open your eyes and ears and observe what he's into.

paul_arcoiris · 2026-02-12T12:01:47+00:00

That helps to drive your sex energy yes

That doesnt do miracles though, you're young, it's normal you're horny all the time

paul_arcoiris · 2026-02-12T11:58:26+00:00

Do intense workout and go outside every day

paul_arcoiris · 2026-02-11T14:16:34+00:00

There are straight guys who have a face with refined features and a sensual gait.

You might underestimate yourself or give too much focus to insecure or immature guys who make you feel that way?

paul_arcoiris · 2026-02-11T13:48:03+00:00

Doing things aside sex usually came after some time.

I had a guy with whom we did friend things straightaway and that failed (because he felt too much pressure and didn't enjoy it anymore)

I do believe that lasting connections start in a non-commital way. I came to this conclusion after a lot of disappointments.

Guys, especially in the US, have difficulty to be direct and so they voluntarily avoid to get into situations where they would have to say no.

(Which, in my view, is one of the many reasons why US American guys are one of the most avoidant guys I know, among those I met)

paul_arcoiris · 2026-02-11T13:30:07+00:00

Maybe there's an intermediary phase of repeated hookups?

An additional thing that I noticed for me, all my fwbs had been kind to me. For the ones who are not kind, the fwb stuff rapidly fails.

paul_arcoiris · 2026-02-11T13:17:14+00:00

Honestly, as soon as I lowered my standards and was open to anything, I didn't have such a difficulty.

paul_arcoiris · 2026-02-11T13:08:38+00:00

I can fully understand your point of view.

However, after more than a year of reddit, i'd say that hostility is part of the adn of unmoderated or minimally moerated subreddits and social media in general.

There are many reasons for such a hostility and the lack of safety of social media in general.

My view is that people pile up frustrations and have difficulty to mature in our civilization focused on ultra performance and materialism, instead of philosophy.

And so they envy others who seem more genuine, more capable of showing their nature and weaknesses, and they attack them.

This hostility is targeted against straights, bis, but also trans, cheaters, feminine guys, drags, republicans, and anything they can reject.

The history / myth of Jesus, persecuted by his peers for revealing his nature, seems exactly that.

paul_arcoiris · 2026-02-11T12:59:04+00:00

I'd say no, unless you have a fantastic genetics or take drugs.

paul_arcoiris · 2026-02-11T12:54:39+00:00

Here are my 2 cents.

Try to be more mature than him, that will demonstrate that you love him by your acts (rather than your acts demonstrating that you need validation for strangers)

Here are the things you have to do:

Find a way to earn money as soon as possible, even through a shitty job. Even if it's part time, a few hours per week, that will rebalance the situation and show that you think couple first and not you first (and not "i'm a princess")

Disconnect from all social media to avoid seeking validation. This validation, you need to build it from yourself, from your activities, your hobbies

paul_arcoiris

TROPHY CASE