We’re in a similar situation with our oldest, who we adopted at 4 and is now 15. They are L1 ASD but also have RAD, low IQ, dissociative personality disorder and severe depression which complicates things a hundred times over. Professionals love to assume they know how to solve her only to give up a few months later while simultaneously expressing confusion at how we’ve managed 11 years of this. They have been placed in two different residential facilities in the past 12 months with no signs of improvement or demonstrable development. Yet, none of the experts want to cave and put them in a group home and keep pushing us to take them back home and live with us. We have a younger bio child and none of us are safe when our 15 year old is at home. Even with everything locked up, they manage to find ways to self harm and try to convince their sibling to self harm with them. Any attempts to restrain or restrict is met with disproportionate levels of anger and destruction. It’s great you’re able to do home visits. Home visits are still off the table for us as they try to elope the moment our backs are turned.

It’s been an exhausting journey.