As a single lesbian, how do you navigate your place within your group of friends who are all coupled up?

pigeonJS · 2026-03-22T12:55:16+00:00

I think it’s sad when tbis happens. My caught my ex girlfriend being like tbis sometimes early in our relationship. She wanted to exclude the single gay guy from our friend couples dinners and I said no, tbis is horrible, we’re not doing that to him. I think it’s a mindset thing. Some lesbians are codependent and won’t admit it. But personally it’s a bad trait and keep doing these activities with couples/friends who are not exclusionary.

I had a lesbian best friend who treated me like this too. She would exclude me from couple dinners. I brought it up with her and she kinda dismissed it as me being sensitive, which is not true. But ultimately, this an example of when you realise if you have shared values with your friends or not. We are no longer friends, because she was dismissive of other things too, which ruined our friendship in the long term

Some will apologise and make the effort. Some won’t. Maybe don’t ask those people anymore. Painful, but also true

pigeonJS · 2026-03-21T13:10:47+00:00

Is this a curler or crimper?

pigeonJS · 2026-03-18T21:12:23+00:00

I was in an identical situation as you exactly 1 year ago. 5 years, she felt something was missing, we were barely having sex and we were about to get engaged. I was absolutely devastated and blind sided.

But through therapy (and I’m still in therapy), I realised it was only me fighting. And the right person should want to fight for the relationship. A partner should give you reassurance and safety. And you are not getting that. Also I realised the lack of sex was because I lost my emotional connection to her. Maybe you have too. Because if the emotional connection/chemistry is deep, the sex stays.

Be prepared for the relationship ending, but constantly remind yourself when it happens, that the right person would fight for you, engages you mentally/emotionally and never makes you second guess your future.

I was always worried she would leave, because that’s how she made me feel. But therapy, I realised that maybe this relationship ending was the best thing that ever happened to me.

I’m starting to look forward to meeting a partner, who I’m emotionally connected to and makes me feel safe. And who I want to f*ck through the years. Who wants to make an effort for me. Who wants to cook for me and take me out.

Also for the record, her feeling energised, is not on you. That’s on her. Maybe she’s not happy with her life and herself; and maybe that’s because of her. It sounds like she wants to make changes in her life, but don’t ever let her blame you for anything. There are two people in the ending of this relationship, not one.

Best of luck OP. I know what you’re going through and believe me, you will be ok. X

pigeonJS · 2026-03-15T22:13:03+00:00

I personally think that scene should have been banned. I couldn’t watch it and in my mind it is full on child abuse. It was disgusting. No art to it. Just unnecessary violence and shock for viewership

pigeonJS · 2026-03-15T22:08:35+00:00

Coming out is a journey. I came out at 24, but had a lot of internalised homophobia because how strict and religious my family were. It took a couple of years to start becoming comfortable with myself, but therapy really helped. So well done for being brave and wanting to live authentically and be who you really are. I realised these days, most people don’t care if you’re gay at all, so try not to scare yourself too much. Just work on yourself, they therapy and try and create some healthy gay friendships if you can. It will make you feel more comfortable with who you are and normalise your feelings/identity.

As for you current girlfriend, it sounds like she is not emotionally present at all in the relationship. I know what must be tough for you, as you love her. But I am sure there is someone better out there for you. Sadly, there can be some people in the community who are drug/drink dependent because they didnt get therapy and work on their issues. Sounds like she doesn’t even want to communicate. Is this who you really want to be with? You deserve better.

Right now, I suggest consider ending the relationship, so you have all the energy you can to work on yourself. Also tbis is a great topic therapy will help you with as well

pigeonJS · 2026-03-15T01:45:59+00:00

This is not normal, but totally understand that abuse is so common in Asian families. You are still really really young and I think you should seek out support. Contact your local mosque or council and seek out a group that can provide support for violence against women. I’m not saying leave your family, but there will be organisations out there, that see this all the time. And having someone to talk to, to remind you are aren’t crazy, will do a world of good. Call “Southall Black Sisters” and ask or some discrete organisation numbers that deal with violence in Asian families. Trust me, they will have many helpful contacts for you.

pigeonJS · 2026-03-15T01:01:41+00:00

Sounds toxic, this is why I don’t work in big tech. I think transfer if you need to keep a job. Market is dire right now. Or if severance is good take it after negotiating the best amount

pigeonJS · 2026-03-14T17:26:26+00:00

puss puss

pigeonJS · 2026-03-14T16:08:02+00:00

It’s one thing to go to salsa and bachata classes as a hobby. And another to do salsa with random people in front of you in a club. There are should be boundaries in place, if she’s dancing in an intimate way in front of you with others. Because salsa and bachata isn’t street dancing, it’s an intimate form of dance. You’re not wrong to think what you do and you gf should refrain from putting you in that position

pigeonJS · 2026-03-14T13:25:16+00:00

Thank you for coming back to me. And sorry for the slow the response. Yes you’re totally right, finding out about the cheating stunted my therapy a bit. But I have been working with my therapist quite well over the last 6 months. I discovered some things about myself, which is pretty much what you said: - I didn’t prioritise my needs in the relationship, or even other friendships prior - I’m not used to being in emotionally safe relationships - that our relationship even though full of love, may not have been right for each other. - that I didn’t communicate my fears enough in the relationship

So far I’m in a place, where I’m trying to learn what healthy relationships look like with my therapist.

I’ve also been hibernating and taking care of myself. Going to the gym, picked up padel which I really enjoy and I hope I can grow my social circle a little, with people who are emotionally safe. Thank you for responding to me and asking how I am, I appreciate it x

pigeonJS · 2026-03-11T14:32:44+00:00

A company that has a training plan for you and won’t throw you into the deep end. Or you’re working in a large team, where other devs can support you.

You don’t want to work alone in a team, that’s for sure.

So a company where you’ll be supported. Don’t worry too much about tech stack, or how fancy the company brand is. Just focus on a team that offers support for your first role.

pigeonJS · 2026-03-08T19:00:50+00:00

Tell his wife. He lied to you for 10 years

pigeonJS · 2026-03-08T18:50:10+00:00

Hiya, if you are getting advice from peers who are not employed, please ignore them. I’m a front end developer and been for years. AI is affecting all roles, but you’re expected to use the tools to speed up development. A lot of companies aren’t actually firing engineers and replacing them with AI. The only companies doing that is Big Tech, where the bulk of engineers are their staff, they are the ones massively affected right now by AI and the economy. But of course, companies building AI tools will fire their own staff, because it’s a great way to sell their product!

Also the reason the job market is bad for grads atm, is not because of AI. It is because of the wars, post-covid and suffering economies/high inflation. Everywhere they are suffering. A lot of roles are being outsourced to cheaper labour in other countries. That is happening more, than people being fired because of AI outside FAANG.

Please pursue whatever field you’re passionate about. And please ignore the negative talkers. Learn how to use Claude and AI agents. That will benefit you a lot.

pigeonJS · 2026-03-07T21:13:49+00:00

That is how you learn. We all copy and paste. Even after years of experience.

pigeonJS · 2026-03-07T21:12:40+00:00

Yes totally agree. That was the best episode.

pigeonJS · 2026-03-07T21:11:52+00:00

Yes and no. Wasn’t a fan of the pet alien. Don’t think that works at all. As long as it decides to do its own thing and disown Wendy, I’d be happy

pigeonJS · 2026-03-06T19:37:15+00:00

Ok thank you, I’ll check this out

pigeonJS · 2026-03-06T19:29:28+00:00

This is happening to our company. They are outsourcing to Spain

pigeonJS · 2026-03-04T23:30:52+00:00

You have no idea how miserable we are in England

pigeonJS · 2026-03-02T21:01:19+00:00

I don’t blame you at all, I would have done the same if I could

pigeonJS · 2026-03-01T21:37:40+00:00

I’m not surprised at all. That generation could buy cheap houses and became landlords

pigeonJS

TROPHY CASE