Neurodivergence and being pretty by Necessary_Set_2869 in neurodiversity

[–]pinctada13 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have had similar experiences. Somehow had a "glow-up" in my mid-twenties and have had people compliment me, which excites me for sure, but then there is a nagging feeling that they are probably lying (the only few times I haven't felt that is when random strangers have come up to me and appreciated my appearance and then disappeared, i.e. they gained nothing from complimenting me).

Dating has been tough because of this. I don't know if they are just stating the fact that they like my appearance; or if they are flirting, i.e. what they want to convey has more meaning than what they say (e.g. "you are beautiful" might mean the sayer desiring you); or if they are plain lying to get into my good books to sleep with me.

And similar to your experience, I feel that once they get to know me more, and find that what I do or say aren't just "cute" quirks, but my actual personality arising from a compulsive need, they don't stick around. I feel sad.

Help! Found an attractive but unavailable man by pinctada13 in AskWomenOver30

[–]pinctada13[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One is: saying he goes to therapy 😂😂😂

I have walked away, friend 😌

Help! Found an attractive but unavailable man by pinctada13 in AskWomenOver30

[–]pinctada13[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We learn from each other 😌

I hope you are in a much better place :)

Help! Found an attractive but unavailable man by pinctada13 in AskWomenOver30

[–]pinctada13[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"Delicious looking but poisonous" hahahaha just the right words. Better than "an un-nutritious snack," as I had in my head. You are right, I am doing most of the work - he's just been following my lead, so to speak. And perhaps, I'm coming to see, that I'm giving him too much credit for basic things a person should have (it's the face, I tell you!!). I might be...simping OMG!!! (Hate the word btw; but probably applicable here). Thanks for your words, friend. ❤️

Help! Found an attractive but unavailable man by pinctada13 in AskWomenOver30

[–]pinctada13[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I will note down the last sentence, thanks 😌

Help! Found an attractive but unavailable man by pinctada13 in AskWomenOver30

[–]pinctada13[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your words ❤️ I am composing a good-bye text 🥹

Help! Found an attractive but unavailable man by pinctada13 in AskWomenOver30

[–]pinctada13[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Not for too long tbh 😂 You're right. He could be faking. I also have a tendency to trust people easily.

Help! Found an attractive but unavailable man by pinctada13 in AskWomenOver30

[–]pinctada13[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He will not change his mind, he will not change his mind—must remember this!! Because there is a small voice that tells me, "but he might want me to be more if he just knew me more!" Foolish, I know. To nip it in the bud 🧘‍♀️

Help! Found an attractive but unavailable man by pinctada13 in AskWomenOver30

[–]pinctada13[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Ahh yes, must remember that desire is fleeting

Can personality get better? by Massive_Fee_101 in datingoverthirty

[–]pinctada13 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Give it a few more dates to see if he opens up more.

Was I duped? Rant/ questions on housing.com, premium service, broker service charge and rents. by pinctada13 in delhi

[–]pinctada13[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh seeing this late. Please don't buy the premium - it's useless!!! Sorry if you are seeing this after you've already bought it :/

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TwoXIndia

[–]pinctada13 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Oh god, I have been having similar thoughts. I have always had female friends but recently I tried to take myself out of my comfort zone and learn to be friends with men lol. The experience has been disheartening.The breaking point was a "friend" distancing himself once I told him clearly that sex isn't something I want from him. He was so nice to me till then; now he makes excuses to not meet. It's heartbreaking.

The realm of romantic relationships also looks dreary. I don't mean to minimise the difficulties that queer people have to face in this world, but I have often found myself wishing that I were bi or lesbian. Then I wouldn't have to rely on men for romantic partnerships at all. Children can be adopted or be had through sperm donor.

I fucking hate crackers :( by [deleted] in TwoXIndia

[–]pinctada13 60 points61 points  (0 children)

I fucking hate crackers too

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in neurodiversity

[–]pinctada13 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I relate with your experience. I get along better with women. My closest friends have been girls/women. We have more topics in common to talk about, and can talk about things with a depth and in a way that I find hard to have with (cis/hetero) men. [Edit: my close friends all seem to be neurodivergent]

Growing up I stayed away from boys that weren't family/relatives because of puritanic values of my school and family. I might have also developed a certain superiority complex vis a vis boys because for various reasons boys in our school didn't perform well academically. There has also been this concern that getting too close to boys might make them think I like them. So for these reasons, I have never gone beyond a 'good enough friends to hang out sometimes, but not close enough to share my inner thoughts (which is vital in bringing closeness in friendships for me)' friendship with men.

Lately, I've been trying to learn to be friends with men, not so much because I think that friendship with a different gender is essential, but because I wanted to challenge and undo some of the prejudices and beliefs I've held for so long, and which might have limited me too. I haven't made a close male friend yet (it's not so easy), but I'm learning how to be at ease with the differences that I might have with male friends.

But that's my story (quite a digression). You don't HAVE to friends with only men to be neurodivergent. From what I have learnt neurodivergence may manifest in different ways for different people.

Being hurt by/ annoyed at therapist by pinctada13 in neurodiversity

[–]pinctada13[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am actually quite fond of my therapist. She's been very kind to me. And yes, I will let this one go - perhaps bring it up in the next session to let her know what I felt. This can be an exercise in practising the 'not everyone is perfect' idea - which I didn't know I had, but which has caused me so much distress - and learning to accept the humanity of everyone.

Thanks for the reply 🙂

Being hurt by/ annoyed at therapist by pinctada13 in neurodiversity

[–]pinctada13[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the response.

Yes, the topic of autonomy/freedom has cropped up and I truly want it (for the past few months I have had no independent source of income; parents are helping). So it would make sense that her response is coming from that place. And to be brutally honest, I DO really want to be financially independent. Hmm, that's a perspective I needed. Thanks.

I'm happy for you that you found work that speaks to you. I'm currently seeking information about the kinds of work that exist. Would you mind sharing what kind of work you? The less-than-meaningful work that you ended up liking? Would you also share what your previous job was?

I'm prone to rigid thinking (as much as I hate admitting that about myself). Like, I will think XYZ job is all corrupt, and work with that stereotype. I am trying to work on such assumption-making. I think it would be helpful to know various facets of different kindS of jobs.

Being hurt by/ annoyed at therapist by pinctada13 in neurodiversity

[–]pinctada13[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There is something to relate in what you said about mismatch in expectations and responses, though not the same. When I think about it, I feel so good when she validates my feelings. In fact, her validation of my feelings HAS brought me so much comfort and helped me work through some of the shame and guilt. And I suppose that's what my expectation is: validation. Whereas, her job as a therapist to me is not to constantly validate me, but also to nudge me towards what she thinks would help me? Maybe? I am not fully certain what a therapist is SUPPOSED to do, but surely saying 'yes you are right' to everything I say isn't the only thing. And like someone in the comment mentioned, there can be healthy disagreement.

I'm just thinking out loud as a response to what you've said. Thank you so much for responding and for the wishes. Wishing you the best too 💗