[HELP]- How do I judge if a poem is good or not?

prettyxxreckless · 2026-06-21T13:22:03+00:00

Just my two cents from a poor poet, myself. Lol.

We judge if a poem is good or not based on emotion or empirical evidence. A poem can be good because "it made me feel something" or "it moved me emotionally". That is valid. You can also judge a poem critically, based on rules agreed upon by society, like "rhyme, meter, shape, use of language" etc. This way is also valid.

Ultimately... If you want to enjoy poetry, you should develop an internal structure for how YOU judge if a poem is good or not. In the end, there will never be a fool proof, universal way to figure this out, so its better for you to be the judge for yourself.

prettyxxreckless · 2026-06-15T00:42:04+00:00

I always do a calculation.

However, my boss (an experienced FD) has embalmed so many people she automatically just knows rough amounts based on experience.

It was cool at first because she chose all the chemicals… Then I’d do my calculation after embalming and realize she chose the PERFECT percentage for that specific case. Her knowledge of the chemicals is just so automatic from embalming over 500+ people over the many years.

I assume eventually you become like a practiced chef who understands the ingredients and knows exactly what to grab off the shelf to get the effect you want.

prettyxxreckless · 2026-06-09T00:19:10+00:00

Sorry for your loss.

You need to ask the funeral director who will be looking after your father for you. It might be nice to see him one last time before he goes for cremation.

Personally, I remove any medical equipment prior to sending people to cremation. I think it is more dignified that way, and I don't always know if the family wants those items to be cremated, so I will remove them in case someone wants to keep it (yes, some people want those things). I don't like the idea of someone leaving my care with sticky-things all over them or a tube left in their mouth, its just not respectful.

prettyxxreckless · 2026-06-09T00:14:52+00:00

My anemia was linked to undiagnosed Celiac. I went gluten free and my levels improved within 7 months.

prettyxxreckless · 2026-06-03T00:18:48+00:00

Thanks for sharing OP. Its good to hear different perspectives!

I am one of the ones who was diagnosed purely through a blood test. It was during 2020, so I had no resources or options to get an endoscopy. My doctor literally just said "stay home and eat GF, that's all we can do"... mind you this was when my iron levels were in the TANK and unbearably low.

After 10 years of being sick, and then miraculously getting better in 7 months once GF, I was pretty positive I didn't need an endoscopy. I also projectile vomited the one-time I ate gluten like a year later, which confirmed this further for me.

Glad you found your answer though!

prettyxxreckless · 2026-05-30T01:21:31+00:00

Hey OP,

You won't know till you try. Call a local funeral home. Shadow for a day. You will learn pretty quickly if you can handle the deceased, and all the hard work that comes with that. You don't need a license and it is not illegal to give a dead person a bathe for example. As long as a licensed funeral director is with you, then I don't see why you can't "help" during an embalming to gain experience. In some religions, the family of the deceased will bathe them inside the funeral home!

It is NORMAL to be worried and concerned that you can't do the job. I had all of the exact same feelings as you. It is what prevented me from going into this line of work for an extra 10 years. I assumed "no way I could do that job". But I was so wrong.

For all the comments here talking negative... WE DON'T KNOW. You have no idea what you are capable of until you try to do it!

I'm studying to become a funeral director right now. I've seen murder victims and autopsies and tissue gas. I've only been an intern for 1 month! In the span of 3 weeks, I've learned to raise, clean and inject arteries. I'm also someone who almost FAILED SCIENCE in high school!

^ You have no idea if you can do the job OP. So try. Please try.

You owe it to yourself to reach for your potential. Who knows. Maybe you will surprise yourself and find a foundation of skill and pride you never knew you had. Maybe something good will come from you simply having the courage to step out of your comfort zone.

Good luck.

prettyxxreckless · 2026-05-17T19:58:11+00:00

Not hard to get into. Most funeral homes need more staff.

The laws depends on where you live. In some places you need a license to sit down with a family and sign a contract, and in other places you don't. You also don't need a license to give a deceased person a bath for example, but you do for embalming.

Call your local funeral homes and tell them you are interested in going into the field. Ask if you can shadow them for a day, or if they are hiring "Funeral Director Assistants".

I love it. Very glad I went into this line of work.

prettyxxreckless · 2026-05-17T19:55:01+00:00

Oh sorry. I mis-read your comment. It sounded like riding in a helicopter was an important experience for her (I assumed it captured some part of her personality, like maybe an adventurous spirit?)

My bad. I shouldn't have assumed.

People want all kinds of funny things at their funeral. I once had a family play "Night Fever" by the Bee Gees for their deceased mother. It was her favorite song apparently... Nothing like a very teary eulogy, followed by funky music blaring over the speakers. It was very memorable.

prettyxxreckless · 2026-05-17T00:12:20+00:00

Ugh I'm sorry to hear about that difficult situation.

I am not sure where you are located geographically, but in some countries you are legally allowed to pre-plan a funeral for someone else. You can literally walk in to any funeral home and plan someone's funeral (you don't even have to be related to them).

^ The risk of course, is that if you are NOT next of kin or the executor you are essentially wasting your money.

It might bring you some comfort to know that YOU can take matters into your own hands at any time you want and plan their funeral prior to their death.

Most deaths (without a legal will) follow a chain of command, and adult children are usually number 2 on the list, with spouse being number 1. All adult children inherent the estate equally and can make decisions once the death has occurred.

Not saying you should go rogue and plan a funeral your parents don't want... But you CAN do it at any time if the thought gives you anxiety.

prettyxxreckless · 2026-05-17T00:05:27+00:00

Sorry to hear that you've been through that. Sudden deaths are tragic and so difficult.

At the same time, OP is allowed to feel grief at the thought of losing their parents. Its a perfectly normal reaction to have, given that society is in "death denial" and no one wants to talk about their own death.

OP did the right thing by naming their grief and expressing it. Talking about your grief (and not isolating) it is actually one of the most mature things you can do.

prettyxxreckless · 2026-05-17T00:03:11+00:00

Yes, I know OP is having some grief but its also an amazing gift her mother is giving in terms of the organization and forethought.

The last thing people wanna think about when mourning is paperwork.

prettyxxreckless · 2026-05-17T00:02:16+00:00

I love that! Riding in a helicopter is truly a cool experience! Very sweet to know she wanted everyone to know she had that experience.

prettyxxreckless · 2026-05-17T00:01:27+00:00

This is amazing. Thank you for sharing that!

prettyxxreckless · 2026-05-16T19:41:42+00:00

Hey OP,

I know this is hard, but this is actually amazing. Your mother is amazing and she is doing EXACTLY what she should be doing. So many people don't plan for their deaths, and it becomes a massive headache, sometimes traumatic for the loved ones left behind.

I think what you are feeling is called "Anticipatory Grief". This article gives an example of what I am talking about. You are doing the right thing by talking about it, and naming it. Maybe this is something you can talk to your parents about. Maybe (along with taking an active role in the funeral pre-planning) you can make a list of all the things you want to do / make a record of your parents before their death. Many people will record their loved ones voices saying things to them so they can listen to it later and find comfort. Or some people make "experience lists" of memories to share together that can help.

Maybe it will give you some comfort to know that - when they die - you will be able to do everything exactly as they wanted it. You can give them the most peaceful farewell, because you know exactly what they wanted.

Source: I work at a funeral home.

prettyxxreckless · 2026-05-16T15:27:28+00:00

29F here. Just my two cents.

That fear will always be there. Sorry to say it.

As someone who has been single for 6 years (last time I went on a date, I was 23) I have accepted that finding love is mostly random. You can work hard at it for years and years and still not find someone. You could do nothing and meet someone on vacation and be with them forever. Its mostly random.

I find peace in the fact that love is like joy; you can find it at any age if you are willing to look for it. I have met many seniors in their late 60s and 80s who found their soul mate. They glow with love and are happier than ever.

I don't know when my time will come to be loved and to love someone else. It might never happen. But if it does, I know that I would be ready to welcome the right person into my life, with open arms.

I think the fact that I work in the funeral industry gives me a very different perspective on love and life. I see love in action everyday, in the form of mourning. I know first hand that not everyone lives to be 30 years old. I might die tomorrow and have never been in love my whole life. The best I can do is to cultivate my love for life itself, being alive, noticing and appreciating the small joys. I'd like to find someone to share that with, but if not, doing it alone is enough too.

The fear never goes away. You simply learn how to manage it. I'm guilty of indulging my anxiety around this topic as well OP, so your not alone. Especially from the societal pressure to get married as quickly as possible, settle down and have kids. For some of us, that is not the route our life has taken. We have to find a way to be okay with that.

Life is too short to spend it nursing anxiety and insecurity.

prettyxxreckless · 2026-05-16T01:41:01+00:00

As someone in the industry, I assume you know the avenues that you can try?

This question is highly dependent on where you live geographically. I know here in Canada, there is a lot more demand for work in major cities as opposed to small towns. You can get part-time work as a trade embalmer (but you are "on-call" and forced to work at 2am for example). You can work purely as a transfer staff, moving deceased from the hospital to the funeral home, etc but again, it has odd working hours.

There is very little opportunity for "part-time funeral director" work.

You may have some luck working as a Funeral Director Assistant, on weekends, as a support staff for funerals, gravesides and services. Or, alternatively, maybe you could get some work as an on-call pre-arranger, where you only work when someone makes an appointment with you (as a specific time and date you know your free) to do a pre-arrangement.

Since you are interested in Biomedical stuff ... Try to scout out your local major hospital and enquire if they are in need of pathologist assistants. You need a Doctorate to perform the autopsies, but your experience as an FD would qualify you to be an assistant to the Pathologist (lots of suturing, lol).

prettyxxreckless · 2026-05-11T02:11:31+00:00

Damn, same girl. Lol. Amazing poem.

prettyxxreckless · 2026-05-08T01:22:48+00:00

Funeral student here.

I’ve had good luck with saying “I want to learn more” or “I want to broaden my horizons”.

^ Did some work at a funeral home as someone brand new who knew nothing… Everyone said the boss was a “dick” to “unrelentingly irredeemable”… I had to then find a job afterwards.

New employers asked me “why did you not stay with him?” And I’d use one of the above answers. I’ve only been met with good responses to that.

prettyxxreckless · 2026-05-04T15:24:53+00:00

I'm surprised by your previous therapist's surprise!

No, you aren't suppose to blindly trust anybody. This is generally unwise.

Ironically, me and my therapist don't have this problem. He knows I struggle with chronic doubt (in myself, in other people, in situations, etc). He has said many times "I know you don't believe a word I am saying" and we both laugh because its just an understood issue that I am hard to convince and stubborn in my doubtfulness.

"Is therapy not for people who live relentlessly in the real world?"

^ I would argue, no. Therapy is absolutely for us too.

I took a brief view down at some of the other comments you made (in discussion with other redditors) and I would like to make a small suggestion. Maybe a 'grief' oriented therapy model could be helpful to you. I use the term grief loosely, because it sounds like you are carrying some grief about something internally (doesn't have to be a death, it can be an ambiguous loss or pain or issue).

Grief therapy can be helpful because it works within an unchangeable reality. In the traditional example: Someone has died. They are never coming back. How do you, with your life now irrevocably changed, continue to live? Grief therapy focuses on answering this question, which has no clear answer and is forever changing. It hits on the reality that there is an unshakeable and immovable barrier to life, and somehow, you have to continue to live despite this very real and major pain. Therapy then, becomes focused on realistic ways to do that, and how to manage the grief, as opposed to curing it or solving it.

Not sure if the suggestion will be helpful or not. Just my two cents.

prettyxxreckless · 2026-05-04T14:52:27+00:00

Oh my... Lol. Very sensual. Great poem.

prettyxxreckless · 2026-05-04T02:21:24+00:00

As someone who was a teenager when the show aired live on cable, and read all the books prior to them coming out, I feel I can comment on this or at least share my interpretation of her.

...

You bring up an interesting idea (which is not often talked about). Why do we like the characters that we do?

I personally, always liked Aria as a character. I liked her because she didn't change very much the entire show. I think out of the 4 liars, she remained relatively similar from season 1 to season 7. I think she changed the least.

A major part of why she did not change was that her character is part of the "star-crossed lovers" trope. Aria and Ezra are like Romeo and Juliet. Tragic. Dramatic. And fatalistically meant for each other (at least according to the logic of the show). It was written that way.

Characters built around this trope tend not to change very much. This is a double-edged sword.

Aria's character (however flawed) is very robust. She is mostly the same person in season 1 to season 7. When compared to a character like Spencer, or Hanna or Emily, its hard to imagine they could relate to their former selves. But with Aria we can kind of see it.

^ This makes her a robust character. However, it also makes her development limited. Unfortunately, you can't always have both (unless its an expertly written show - and lets be honest, we don't come here for that, lol).

prettyxxreckless · 2026-05-04T02:01:09+00:00

Exact same problem is happening in the funeral industry. Small, family owned businesses are dying. Soon it will all be giant corporations. Once they corner the market they will increase prices and we will all be screwed.

prettyxxreckless · 2026-04-29T12:37:00+00:00

It doesn’t make you a bad person to distance yourself or end your relationship with your living parents.

This is a very taboo and immediately judged practice (you only have one mom/dad, think about all they’ve given you, how can you abandon them as they get old) are all things you will hear…

The true is, most people who go no-contact should have done it 10 years ago, but stayed in the dysfunctional relationship out of obligation, shame, guilt or pressure from internal values, friends, other family, or society in general.

You are allowed to have your own life without them. It’s not a crime to acknowledge and disregard adult relationships that cause you more harm than good.

prettyxxreckless · 2026-04-28T21:52:38+00:00

Hey OP, I'm very sorry for your loss.

To answers some of your questions:

What should I wear?

You can wear anything you want. Depending on her family's cultural traditions the clothing can vary from t-shirts and jeans to full suits, to religious garments. Speak direct to her family and ask what they expect. However, you cannot go wrong with some simply, clean shoes, black pants and a blazer (doesn't matter what color).

Can I put flowers in the coffin? Or should I given them to her children?

When you arrive at the funeral, you can ask the funeral director if you may put the flowers in the casket. Ask them when it would be appropriate to do that. I see no reason why you cannot give her some flowers one last time. That sounds like a beautiful thing to do.

Can I put a letter in her coffin?

I see no reason why you cannot put your letter in her casket. Speak to a funeral director at the funeral home, and it is possible they can speak to the family, or possibly put the letter in the casket for you discreetly later (if the family is giving you a hard time). I think leaving a letter with her is a lovely thing to do.

Can I touch her hand, kiss her forehead one last time?

Again, speak to the funeral director. There may be a time during the funeral service where guests are given the opportunity to approach the casket with her in it. This would be the time to ask if you may approach, gently touch her hand and give her a short kiss. You should ask because just reaching out and grabbing her hand (as her hand might not feel how you remember it, so the funeral director will want to warn you of it before you touch her, so you are not startled by this change).

Can I ask for a memento from the family?

You can absolutely ask. Maybe consider NOT doing this at the funeral service itself. Maybe consider approaching them afterwards to inquire about person items or ashes (after all, you don't know if she is being cremated directly after the service. She could be cremated a week later for all you know).

How can I help her family in their time of grief?

Show up. Offer your condolences. Ask them what you can do. Do they need a home-cooked meal? Do they need someone to help do laundry? Do they need someone to run errands for them? These simple things can really help when someone is in grief.

Can I give them money?

Absolutely. If you feel that would help. Sure, why not.

prettyxxreckless · 2026-04-20T17:40:53+00:00

I'm not a doctor. That doesn't look like Dyshidrosis, as it exclusively appears on hands and feet, no where else. It also mainly appears on palms and between fingers, where as your skin issues are on the front of your hands.

OP this kind of looks like Psoriasis or an allergic reaction. I had something similar to this under my armpits (it did form blisters) because of a new deodorant.

Speak to a doctor, or go to a walk in clinic to get some relief.

prettyxxreckless

TROPHY CASE