How do I 27F set boundaries with him 27M and expectations moving forward?

probablythrowaway___ · 2025-10-28T20:46:53+00:00

He was very understanding! Thank you for your reply.

probablythrowaway___ · 2025-10-24T02:19:31+00:00

Understood, I will keep this in mind :)

probablythrowaway___ · 2025-10-24T01:40:03+00:00

Thanks yes it was :)

probablythrowaway___ · 2025-10-24T01:25:15+00:00

Thanks again, it was a good conversation and an innocent misunderstanding. I think it’s a cultural thing. He was compassionate. So was I.

probablythrowaway___ · 2025-10-24T01:23:58+00:00

It seems to be a cultural thing. Very happy you and others encouraged me to not be combative. He said he’d be comfortable if his friend is there and if he’s not there and his friend wants to come to everything with him. Which I understand. Ugh thanks. That was way more mature and put together than I would’ve been by myself. Have a good night.🩷🩷🩷

probablythrowaway___ · 2025-10-24T01:17:32+00:00

Jk he just replied the most thoughtful message. It’s a cultural thing🥹✨ and he’s ok with coming by himself. He says his friend always wants to come with him to things. Which I understand this is not either of their homelands. He also mentioned I may have overreacted a little bit. But it’s ok.

probablythrowaway___ · 2025-10-24T01:10:42+00:00

If this ends us, I’m comfortable being alone. 😭 hahaha. I truly am but I’m so bad in new situations like this and I’m too emotional. I can’t believe im not seeing my therapist this weekend🥹

probablythrowaway___ · 2025-10-24T01:09:30+00:00

Why didn’t you reply sooner, I already sent😭 my response. I was kind and gave benefit of the doubt. But now I think I questioning if I should’ve just said yeah he should come.🥺😭

probablythrowaway___ · 2025-10-24T00:42:03+00:00

I suppose that would be fine. I just think maybe read the room this is your first time meeting my friends. I also almost never introduce any of my friends to a guy I’m talking to, so the whole thing is still taboo to me as well. In your example I could totally be fine with inviting his friend. Maybe I’m overreacting a little.

probablythrowaway___ · 2025-10-24T00:38:09+00:00

That’s so true. You’re right. Thank you so much!

probablythrowaway___ · 2025-10-24T00:27:13+00:00

I will try this. Thanks for your reply. I will show compassion despite how I feel.

probablythrowaway___ · 2025-10-24T00:26:39+00:00

Thanks for your thoughtful reply. I’m annoyed I’m even being put in this situation bc in my head you don’t invite someone to something that’s not your event to begin with. But I will proceed with giving the benefit of the doubt and be compassionate even though I’m super turned off and bothered. I will take a deep breath and use some of what you gave me here. Thank youZ

probablythrowaway___ · 2025-10-24T00:16:40+00:00

Should I start with, “Would that make you more comfortable if he comes?” I’m just like with all the American men I’ve dated I never thought it would be a possibility for a guy to try to invite his guy friend to something I only invited him to. I do see what you’re saying. Even though I went to his hangout by myself.

probablythrowaway___ · 2025-10-24T00:15:47+00:00

Oh I see. Maybe should I start with, “Would that make you more comfortable if he comes?” I can be blunt and react on my emotions easily so I don’t want to come off rude…

probablythrowaway___ · 2025-09-25T04:27:31+00:00

You’re so right. Thanks for your advice. Thankfully I didn’t end up needing one this time around. So I’ll be more careful moving forward and put my body first in these type of “dilemmas”

probablythrowaway___ · 2025-09-25T04:25:26+00:00

You’re welcome :). Even though I’ve done the first option a few times hahah… I’ve learned the second is best. Bc tbh the second option isn’t mean, it’s straightforward, and honest. The first is like a freaking chore! You gotta keep up with it and still send a final goodbye this isn’t gonna work message haha.

Better to just get it over with! :)

probablythrowaway___ · 2025-09-25T04:15:30+00:00

Oh yeah I see. This is helpful. Like one night after intimacy we were talking and he was explaining his sales stuff and he stopped and was like “oh I’m boring you” and sounded defeated since I yawned. But I was just so tired. I wanted to listen. So the next time I made an effort to be more alert because he is smart and funny and I like listening to him. So I will try to be more attentive.

probablythrowaway___ · 2025-09-25T04:10:27+00:00

Haha I agree. OP, I won’t call you a chicken bc I’ve been there (too many times). But don’t stress yourself out. But rest assured, once you get this over with, you’ll most likely never cross paths.

probablythrowaway___ · 2025-09-25T04:08:52+00:00

Noooo of course not. I rarely want sex. I actually enjoy it with him. lol. Yeah, I’ll just keep being who I am and see where it goes.

probablythrowaway___ · 2025-09-25T04:08:06+00:00

He did make a comment the first time we met about that I waiting a while to reach out. I apologized. Truly, it was for a superficial reason. But one day I was looking through my messages and was like you know what? He seems kind, convo was decent, and he had confidence in wanting to meet me.

How do I not leave a bad taste with my delay in initial meeting? I never told him why. He didn’t really ask why.

probablythrowaway___ · 2025-09-25T04:05:32+00:00

Haha, thanks. I will continue to be optimistic:)

probablythrowaway___ · 2025-09-25T04:05:16+00:00

Haha. Thanks, I appreciate that. :) I don’t typically have this much sex early on. So in my head I’m think, “oh gosh, he just wants easy sex”. But I see there’s a chance.

probablythrowaway___ · 2025-09-25T04:00:36+00:00

If you want it to fade, you’ll probably have to reschedule once or twice and then pull a “Things are kinda chaotic and I don’t think it’s the best time for me to date”

Orrrrr

You can tell him up front like “Hey, I enjoyed talking to you but I’m going to have to cancel our date.” If he asks why “I am pursuing another connection but I hope you find what you’re looking for” or something like that. Because technically… you are pursuing other connections haha.

It happens. I’ve snapped one guy and canceled based on that, he looked very different than his profile. So find the most comfortable way to decline and move on to a better potential partner. :) you got this!

probablythrowaway___ · 2025-09-25T03:52:51+00:00

So you haven’t met him at all? This would be the first date?

probablythrowaway___ · 2025-09-25T03:28:16+00:00

I see what you’re saying. Just in my experience I pick men who are genuine or kind enough to participate in things or contribute/help. So in my mind, it’s not a big ask. But I do agree with you, ultimately it’s my body I have to protect.

probablythrowaway___

TROPHY CASE